THE DAY THAT SHIT CHANGED

DERRICK JACKSON

This is work of fiction. Names, Characters, Places and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2023 Derrick Jackson

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or replaced in any matter whatsoever without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Printed in the United States of America

Street Credibility Publishing
P.O Box 14523
Cincinnati, Ohio 45250
Website: www.streetcredibilitypublishing.com

Street Credibility is a federally Registered trademark
Library of Congress Control Number: 2023919547
ISBN: 979-8-9888270-0-9 (Paperback)
ISBN: 979-8-9888270-1-6 (eBook)

Editing by Parker Hansen
Cover design by Prescribe Digital

Published by Street Credibility Publishing

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to Virginia Jackson and Stephanie Jackson because they stood with me in the fire when nobody else would. I love you with everything I have in me. To my kids, Damir, Dy'year, and Shy'fear: you have also made sacrifices, and for that, whatever is mine is yours.

Never forget how much I love you.

I

t was January 12, 1984, the day I was born into this world. I was one of approximately 2,000 other sperm that could have made the journey. In the early morning at UC Hospital in the beautiful state of Ohio, specifically Cincinnati, I was born and raised in its toughest part. Today was intended to be a special day, a poignant moment shared between two individuals, a bond unparalleled. My entry was no different, but my circumstance mirrored many.

I entered this world without a father. My mother, Renee Nicole Wright, was only 16 years old, a child herself, having a child. My grandmother was present, standing in for where my father should have been. She is a resilient black woman who hails from the south, specifically Dickie Mills, Alabama. She relocated to Cincinnati when she was young and had five children. My mother was her only daughter, which made my mom as tough as nails. My grandmother did everything in her power to keep the family in line and together.

We all grew up in the same household, a typical low-income household with its fair share of highs and lows. It molded me both physically and mentally. Every morning we had to fight for our bacon. My Uncle Pete, one of my favorites, unfortunately got severely entangled with drugs. He would steal anything that wasn't nailed down, breaking a lot of our family's trust. I saw firsthand what addiction can do: it shreds families apart.

As a child, I was always curious. In other words, I stayed in some shit. I kept my eyes open to everything around me. Whenever my Uncle Pete was away, I would sneak into his room, playing with his used needles and browsing adult magazines. By the age of 3, I was exposed to sex, money, and drugs. To the sight of a child everything looks or is cool until you are told differently, usually by someone else outside of the family.

Just a few years later, my momma moved out of my grandmother's house. It was time for her to do the things that she wanted. During her quest for love, screams would often pierce through the walls. I remember feeling helpless, pounding on the door trying to help her, ready to step up as the man of the house. I yearned to alleviate her pain, and when I couldn't, I would often find myself crying myself to sleep.

It didn't take long to learn the difference between pleasure and pain, especially after I drilled a hole in the wall to watch. It was a crazy way to learn about pressure and pain. Being on the streets stripped away my innocence. I looked for love in all the wrong places. I always felt that my life was missing a father. Every time I asked my mother about him, she would snap, "Forget that worthless man!" Then she'd dismiss me, leaving my questions unanswered. My grandmother quickly transitioned from the streets to the church. Since my mother was working constantly, she'd send me to my grandmother's house to keep me out of harm's way. However, it didn't work. Whenever I had the chance, I'd be out on the streets. The rest of the time, I'd be in church with my grandmother, praising the Lord and listening to sermons about good and evil. Although I wasn't keen on dancing or expelling demons, my faith in God grew strong. But the streets remained my refuge.

My Uncle Pat would always tell me, "As long as your game is strong, you'll always land on your feet." I saw him deeply involved in the street life. And even though he tried to hide it from me, I knew. His time in the game was short-lived. The killing of his close friend, Kirk, changed him. Then, they caught him off-guard one summer day, ambushing him from the alley beside his home. It was tragic. Grief consumed him for weeks, and when he finally emerged, he wanted nothing to do with the street life. From these experiences, I realized that not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle. My mother often warned, "It's better to lose a hand than your life. So, don't risk everything on a single move."

When I entered the game at the age of 9, I learned from the addicts, who became my surrogate family on the streets. One of them, May-so, was different. Once a powerful drug lord, his downfall came when a woman laced his marijuana with crack cocaine. Despite his condition, he was the first and only father figure in my life. He taught me the tricks of the trade, even how to sell without having any product. May-so was always smooth, and he had a gift for persuasion. He provided me with my first gun, and with that, he said, "Now, son, the rest is up to you."

And he was right. I knew that with my involvement in the streets, it would be only a matter of time before danger came knocking. I began with misplaced trust, not realizing that trust has no place in the streets. This world has always been ruthless to me. One day, I was outside the Jet-In store, working hard. To avoid police checks, I hid my stash in a nearby alley. Business was good, and I had restocked several times that day. Then, Sunny, a fast-talking addict, approached. He always tried to scheme, and this time was no different.

"What's up, Lil Wright? Make it right for me, baby!"

"Yeah, if your money's right, I got you."

Sunny was the type you didn't move for unless you saw the money first.

"I'll make it right as long as the money is right. Now, let me see the money," I said.

Sunny pulled a balled-up hundred-dollar bill from his pocket to show Wright, then quickly placed it back in his pocket. "I got a hundred for you if you make it right. Now it's your turn, show me something," said Sunny.

I wanted that hundred badly. It would not only put me on a fast track to re-up again, but I also knew I was due for a break. I had been out here all day, and I knew my momma would soon be looking for me. I went into the alley to get to my stash, with Sunny close behind. As I looked back, I could see his eyes following my every move.

"Damn, Sunny. Watch my back, not my stash."

He had a hungry, soulless look in his eyes. His face was sunken, and his clothes were dirty and tattered. His shoes looked as if they were held together by a thread, and they seemed ready to fall apart any moment. I grabbed my stash and sorted it out, piece by piece, in my hands.

"Come on, Sunny. Grab those pieces. You want a hundred, right?" I asked.

Sunny motioned to reach into his pocket, so I watched him closely. He looked up suddenly. "Shit, Lil Wright, the police are coming! Watch out!"

As I looked to see from which direction the police were coming, Sunny knocked the dope from my hand and punched me in the face. The impact sent me sprawling, and I blacked out. When I came to, I was disoriented and realized Sunny had taken everything: my money, dope, and pride. I picked myself up and headed home, only to be met with anger from my mother.

"Where the hell have you been? And what happened to your face?"

I began to cry, and as I reached out for a comforting embrace, she slapped me.

"Stand up like a man. Don't run to this house for help; you handle your business," she said sharply.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I headed to my room, but a glimpse of my bruised face in the bathroom mirror stopped me. The anger built inside me. Retrieving the gun May-so had given me, I was torn between wanting to confront Sunny and hoping I wouldn't have to use the weapon.

Despite my reluctance, my mother's words echoed in my mind. Respect was vital in the streets, and if I let Sunny's betrayal slide, my reputation would be ruined.

With determination, I began my search for Sunny. My search took me from one neighborhood hangout to another, including a visit to Sweet Sandy, a woman with deep connections in the street world. Despite not finding Sunny at her place, I got a lead on his whereabouts.

Fatigued, I headed to my grandmother's for a meal. As I passed an alley nearby, I spotted a familiar figure: Sunny. My nerves were on edge as I approached him.

"What's up, Sunny? I need to talk to you," I said.

His smug smile unsettled me. "Naw, Lil Wright, we're done. Now leave before you ruin my high."

"Sunny, what you did wasn't right. I thought we were cool."

"We are cool. It's just the game. Today you lost, so move along," he retorted with a laugh.

"I'm not leaving without my stuff, Sunny!"

"A, A, A, boy, don't you mean my shit? Now listen to me: if you don't get the fuck out of here, I'm gonna knock your ass out again."

As I turned to walk away, I could hear my momma's voice loud and clear once again: "Take care of your business." I turned back around, chrome .380 in hand, shaking, hoping the sight of the gun would change the mood.

"Ok, Lil Wright, you want some attention? Now you've got it. You come down on me, blowing up the spot, messing with my high with that pretty little thing you've got in your hands there. The only thing I'm wondering is: are you gonna pop it?"

"Listen, Sunny, I don't want to, but if I have to, then I will."

Sunny started moving faster towards me, almost at a full sprint. "Then you have to, because you ain't taking nothing from me." Pow! Pow! I squeezed the trigger, sending two shots into Sunny's stomach and chest. The impact brought him to his knees. I ran up to him and went straight for his pockets, looking for something to put the pieces of my life back together—pieces that he had stuffed into his pipe, one by one, for hours at a time.

As my hands searched through his pockets, we locked eyes, and then he grabbed me with what felt like all the strength he had left. Blood flowed from his mouth and down his chest as he looked like he wanted to say more. I released my hand from his pocket and brought it to his neck, then began to beat him over the head until he let go. I got up, and my mind began to race. I knew there was no turning back now, and I couldn't let him live, so I stood over him and started firing into his face until I emptied the whole clip. Reality set in really quickly, and I began to panic. I ran into my grandmother's house, threw all my clothes into a garbage bag, and felt sick to my stomach.

Sweat poured down my face, and I vomited uncontrollably, making a trail all the way to the toilet where I knelt in prayer. From the toilet, I could hear the sirens getting closer. I knew I had to get up and pull myself together before drawing any attention. My head was spinning. I just hoped tomorrow would be a better day.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of grandma's famous pancakes, bacon, and eggs. She always knew how to cook up a storm, and I wished I could cook like her one day. Her food is so good it should be in a restaurant somewhere. Climbing out of bed, still feeling tired from the day before, I thought about Sunny's powerful right hand—the keyword being "had." I hadn't gotten much sleep, torn between sorrow and paranoia.

Yet through it all, I found no regret. What was done had to be done, and believe me, if I had to do it again, I would. I walked down the stairs and found things mostly as usual: Uncle Pat was eating quickly so he could catch his bus to work, Uncle Coosa was deeply into his music in his favorite chair, and Grandma was on the phone, probably talking to one of her many siblings. However, I tuned into her conversation when she mentioned yesterday's events.

"Yeah, girl, somebody got killed right outside my house yesterday. They lit him up out there. It's been on the news all morning. They did that in broad daylight, and I'm surprised nobody saw shit."

The news came on right in the middle of her conversation. I hurried to turn up the volume.

News: "Yesterday, a man named Sunny Mitchell was gunned down in an alley on Elm Street around 6:30 in the evening. Police say that it was a drug-related crime due to some of the evidence collected at the scene. At this moment, there are no suspects, but if anyone has any information, please call Crime Stoppers at 513-348-2711."

"Lamar! Lamar, boy, you know you hear me!" I snapped out of my thoughts. "Your mom's mad as hell you didn't check in with her last night. But I told her you were sick, what with all that throw-up everywhere. Do you feel any better?"

"Yes, ma'am. I think I just ate something that didn't agree with my stomach."

I headed back upstairs to get ready for my day, but before I left, I pulled out the chrome .380, wiped it down, and reloaded it. I could feel a sudden surge of power. A thirst for more blood was running through my veins. Holding it made me feel untouchable, so instead of putting it away, I placed it on my waist.

I returned to the streets, but not in full force. I had to lay low. I didn't need people talking or implicating me. I didn't need the police catching wind of my activities. My life could end just like that, over a bit of reward money. I knew to keep quiet, but I was still in possession of a dangerous thing: the murder weapon. I couldn't just sell it because that would lead a trail back to me. And since I needed money and was broke, and the little change I had wouldn't suffice, the next best course of action seemed to be to make a move.

I knew of this big-time dope boy by the name of Money Mo. He took me under his wing a bit, fronted me some dope, but charged me at exorbitantly high prices. I had been in the streets for a while, so I recognized the game he was trying to play on me. However, when you're broke and hungry, you'll accept any offer. After I got my finances in order, I didn't want anything fronted to me. I paid with cash upfront—no more handouts, no more demeaning treatment just because I needed assistance.

Now that I had my own money, I hoped he'd treat me as an equal. Instead, he sold me a bogus product. It looked and cooked like dope, but it wasn't genuine. I called him repeatedly, but he never answered. That hurt. I thought we had a bond, but it was over. Now, I had to wait for the right time to exact my revenge. In this game, there's no room for mistakes, and Money Mo made several. I was familiar with his routine.

Every Friday, I'd accompany Money Mo to meet his connect. He'd buy a few bricks, then we'd head to a storage unit to switch cars. Afterward, we'd visit various places to collect money. He'd tip me, then drop me off on the block. Money Mo had habits—drinking and smoking—and he'd forget everything if he wasn't in the middle of it. It's unwise to mix business with pleasure. In his haze, he inadvertently revealed all his hideouts, even his home. When you're high, you might feel alert, but you're actually making careless mistakes.

Once, when Money Mo was distracted, I swiped his storage key, made a copy, and returned it before he realized it was missing. I sensed he'd betray me eventually. After all, nothing lasts forever. I just needed to bide my time. The opportunity arose when I partnered with a ruthless guy named Skep Dollar. His reputation was well-known on the streets. He was ready to do anything for money and wasn't someone you'd turn your back on. If you did, it could cost you your life. I worked with Dollar on several ventures. He'd usually take the larger share, but I didn't mind. I was in it for the experience, not the profit. However, in recent weeks, Dollar has been pressuring me to participate in risky jobs without adequate preparation.

"Come on, Lil Wright, we need to bust a move. I've seen a couple of lil niggas hitting licks around the corner."

"Naw, man, that ain't enough cheese for both of us. Plus, that's only going to bring more beef we don't need," I said.

"Fuck these niggas. When it comes to this money, anybody can get it."

I chose my next words carefully. Dollar was older than me, so he liked to throw his weight around. He lacked common sense and emotion. I figured the only way to cool him down was to lead him to bigger gold.

"Look, Dollar, forget those guys. I've got a better move."

"Okay, I'm listening," Dollar said.

"I've been working on this move. He's more than just a little up in the game. He's been moving bricks all around the city for a while now, so I know he has a lot of money stashed away. I can take you to where he stays."

"Oh yeah? So let's hit that spot tonight. We don't need to wait any longer. As long as you have the address, we're there," Dollar said.

"Hold on, Dollar. It isn't that simple. This guy is well-known around the city, and he has the type of money that could start World War 3."

"You sound like you're scared or something, Lil homie," Dollar said.

"Hell naw, I am not scared. It's just that if we don't do this the right way, we'll have money on our heads, and we could have enemies coming at us from every direction.

"Man, fuck that nigga. For the right money, I'll kill that mafucka myself. From the way you're talking, this one job could set us up for life. We could bring out the big guns for this."

"No, Dollar, wait. I've got a couple of guns we can use, fresh out of the box. I just got them from a guy from Kentucky. He traded me some dope for them," I said.

"I hear you, Lil Wright, but if we go in there with a couple of AK's, we can shut the whole party down."

"Yeah, but it's going to draw a lot of attention to us. There's no telling who might be looking out their windows. And if he has what I think he does, it will be too much to carry. We need to travel light."

For the first time ever, I could see he was starting to listen to me, and that was crucial. I didn't need him acting recklessly with something as serious as this.

"So, when do we move on this, Lil Wright?"

"Fridays. He always goes to meet his connect. I think the best time to catch him would be on a Thursday," I said.

Dollar gave Lil Wright a confused look.

"Why not hit him on Friday so we can catch him with all the drugs and make twice as much money?" Dollar asked.

"Dollar, we're not known for moving big quantities on the streets. If something happens to him, it wouldn't be hard to piece things together. We're after the money, and that's it. But if we stumble upon some dope, we take it. We need to deal with it slowly, low-key hustler style, so we don't attract attention."

"Low-key hustler? Fuck that shit. When I get my shit, I'll do as I please. I'm not concerned about attention. Once these women see me with his stash, they'll flock to me," he laughed, insinuating something personal, "which I bet you don't know much about."

"You don't know shit. But on some real shit, we're going to move at night, late, to catch him while he's asleep," I said.

"Sounds like a plan to me. Just hit me up when you're ready," said Dollar.

After Dollar and I had our little conversation, we split up. I couldn't hang around with him for too long. There's no telling what would happen. He had already been shot three times, and word is that people had put money on his head. This had been known for a while, but nobody had stepped up to claim it. That doesn't mean somebody won't; it just means the right person hasn't stepped up — one crazy enough to gamble with life and who loves the taste of death.

I started on my way home, wheels turning in my mind, trying to piece everything together for when Dollar and I made our move. I took the long way home, playing everything out in my mind, bothered by the "what ifs" and "how could I's." Not paying attention to my surroundings, I was suddenly snatched off my feet and thrown into a wall.

"Lil Wright, what the fuck is up?"

I adjusted my eyes, and when they focused, it was May-so.

"May-so, what the fuck, why are you pushing up on me?"

"You thought I wouldn't find out? You thought I couldn't piece it together?"

The look in his eyes was a mix of sadness and anger. It wasn't clear to me just yet what he was talking about.

"May-so, what are you talking about? I tell you everything!"

May-so loosened his grip and let me stand. Disappointment clouded his face.

"Yeah, you tell me everything, except the fact that you killed Sunny!"

My heart sank. How did he know? Who told him? How did he find out? Did somebody see me? I was at a loss for words, but before I could speak, he interrupted.

"Lil Wright, don't even try. I know you better than you know yourself, and I didn't know what you did until just now."

"What do you mean? I don't understand. You acted like you've known for a while!"

He walked in front of me and knelt, looking me in the eye. His voice softened, shifting from anger to genuine concern.

"You failed the test," May-so said.

"The one where pressures are applied. All it would take is for the cops to pick you up for questioning, and your face would give everything away. Lil Wright, you're slipping. I bet you still got that damn gun, don't you?"

I couldn't maintain eye contact. I looked down. May-so had read me like an open book. I felt small and young in that moment. Everything he said was true, but part of me felt there was more to the story. Tears began to flow down my face.

"Oh no. Wipe those tears. You lost your position as a child as soon as you pulled that trigger. I'm staring at a grown man now. What you do from this point about this situation is on you."

Before I could respond, he stood and walked away without looking back. I called his name repeatedly, but he never turned around.

When I got home, I reflected on what May-so had said. He was right. I needed to be vigilant. The police could pick me up anytime, and I needed to be stone-faced, emotionless, and clear of any incriminating evidence. But first, I needed to focus on the job with Skep Dollar. Cleaning up my act was important, but this job could change my life. So, I called Skep Dollar.

Ring, ring, ring.

Dollar: "Yo, what's up?"

Lil Wright: "Hey, it's me. You still on for the job tonight?"

Dollar: "Don't call with stupid questions, bro. You know I'm down. What time are we leaving?"

Lil Wright: "Pick me up around 1:00 AM. We should arrive by 2:00 AM. They'll be deep asleep by then."

Dollar: "Alright, bet. I'll holla at ya soon."

We pulled up to the house, parked across the street to observe from a distance. Skep Dollar seemed off, deep in thought. Usually, he's talkative, but that night he was silent.

"You ready for this?" asked Skep Dollar.

"Yeah," I replied.

"You brought the guns, right?"

"Yeah, everything's good," I assured him.

"I handed Skep Dollar the chrome .380, and I tucked the 9mm into my wristband. Then he reached for the door, ready to jump into action.

"Dollar, hold on. We've got a change of plan."

"What you mean? I hope you're not getting cold feet now."

"Hell na! I'm not scared. It's just that when you go in and start firing shots, someone's got to watch out. When shit clears up, I can come in and help you with the money. We've got to be careful, especially considering the neighborhood we're in."

He looked at me as if I had a point. "But how will you know when shit clears up? You've got your phone on you, right?"

"Yeah, I've got it," he replied.

"We can stay on the call. I'll be able to hear everything. As soon as you're ready, you let me know. And don't forget, I saw him hide the money in the basement. I don't know the exact spot, but trust me, it's in there."

"Alright, I trust you. But when I say I'm ready, you better move fast," Dollar warned.

"I will. And be careful. One thing's for sure: he's got a lot of guns in the house. Shoot first, ask questions later," I advised.

"Don't worry. He ain't got a chance in hell against this gun."

He jumped out of the car. We locked eyes for a second, and in that brief moment, an inexplicable smile crossed his face. It was chilling, reminiscent of a suspenseful moment in a movie. I watched as Skep Dollar broke into the house. Placing the phone to my ear, I listened intently to the events unfolding inside. The sound of chaos and Money Mo and his woman asking for mercy filled my ears, and then suddenly, gunshots rang out. That was all I needed to hear. Ending the call, I started the car and drove off, leaving Skep Dollar behind. Once I turned the corner, I dialed 911, reporting a break-in and possible shooting. After providing the necessary details, I tossed the phone out the window on my way to the expressway.

Inside the house, Skep Dollar registered the abrupt end of our call but assumed I was making my move. In the heat of the moment, he'd already shot Money Mo's bitch and was now pressuring Money Mo for the cash. "Get the fuck up and show me where the money is, or you'll end up like that bitch," Dollar threatened.

"Alright, alright! Just please, don't kill me," Money Mo pleaded.

Money Mo rose from his knees and moved to the closet. He knew he had to make at least one attempt to save his life. Having lived on the streets all his life, one thing he was certain of: when someone kills a motherfucker in front of you without a mask and you're the last witness, once they get what they want, you'll likely be the next to die, all to leave no traces. "All this is such bad timing," he thought. "My wife has been telling me to get out of this game for years. Tonight, we were celebrating my exit, but now she's gone. I might not make it out of this either, but I have to try."

Money Mo reached into the closet and pulled out a duffel bag, inside which he concealed a 9mm pistol. Turning around, he caught the greedy gleam in Skep Dollar's eyes.

"Bring me that bag motherfucker, hurry up. I've got places to be," Dollar demanded.

Without uttering another word, Money Mo took a step, hurled the bag towards Skep Dollar, and in the same fluid motion, he fired his weapon. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

"I'm going to kill your motherfucking ass!" Money Mo shouted.

One of the shots hit Skep Dollar in the leg, and another hit him in the stomach, forcing him back into the wall. As Dollar returned fire—pow, pow, pow, pow—landing all shots: two went into his chest, one hit him in the throat, and the last one landed square inside Money Mo's face. Blood poured out of him uncontrollably, and with each blink, he could see Skep Dollar moving closer.

At this moment, all he could think about was his daughter and how his mother, who had all his money, would know what to do. As Skep Dollar stood over him, a smile crossed his face. He raised his gun, letting off two more shots into his head, finishing the job he should have completed from the start. If he had just listened to Lil Wright, he wouldn't have been shot. He went for the duffle bag to look inside; it was filled with newspapers and books with maybe ten thousand dollars.

Realizing he had been played and there was still no sign of Lil Wright, he remembered Lil Wright mentioning the money was in the basement. He emptied the duffle bag, threw the money back inside, and headed for the basement. Hearing sirens, he felt urgency. He didn't want all this to be for nothing, and the thought of police finding the money before him was unbearable. In the basement, he found no money. The sirens grew louder. "I have to get out of here," he thought. Disappointed, he approached the door, realizing he'd been duped a second time that night. Lil Wright had abandoned him and there was nowhere for hit to go. Police cars began to surround the house and draw their guns.

"Put the gun down and get the fuck on the ground!" the police screamed from behind their cars, poised to shoot if Skep Dollar made any sudden moves.

Skep Dollar complied, uncertain of his fate. While some officers kept him at gunpoint, others rushed in to cuff and arrest him.

I moved quickly to reach Money Mo's stash before news of his fate spread. It took about 15 minutes to reach the house. Parking, I sat in the car, surveying the surroundings. Money Mo had once shown me this place when he was intoxicated, reminiscing about the good times. He'd pulled two bulky garbage bags from the trunk, hinting at their contents. I watched as he fumbled with a key hidden under a mat. This confirmed my suspicions.

Entering the house, I was relieved not to hear any alarms. Seeing childhood photos of Money Mo, it became evident that this was his momma's spot. Moving quietly upstairs, I spotted a bathroom light and two closed bedroom doors. Choosing a door at random, I found an older woman sleeping soundly. Unfortunately, the peaceful scene was about to be disrupted. I covered her mouth, pressed the gun to her head, and whispered my demands.

"Is anybody else in the house?" I asked.

My presence startled her out of her sleep. With fear in her eyes she shook her head "no".

"Ok, now what I need you to do is be very quiet, get up, and shoe me where the money is."

I moved my hand away from her mouth and she screamed as loud as she could.

I hit her over the head as hard as I could to shut her up. She rolled to the other side of the bed and fell on the floor. I snatched the phone out of the wall. As I headed her way, her screams got louder. Once I got close to her, I struck her two more times, just to let her know this wasn't a game and that I meant business. She fell flat on her stomach. I put the gun to the back of her head and tied her hands behind her back. "What do you want? What do you want? I don't have anything!"

"Don't play stupid with me. Bitch, if you don't give me what I want, you're going to die here tonight," I said.

"Then you're going to have to kill me 'cause I ain't got shit for you!"

"Is that right?" I grabbed her by the hair and forced her into the bathroom, throwing her face-first into the tub. I put the tub plug in its place and turned the water on as hot as I could get it. "Now listen here, lady. I didn't come to show you any love. I'm telling you right now, you're going to drown if you don't give me the dough or the drugs."

She looked me right in the face and said, "Fuck you, you're a coward."

"That's okay. You want it, you can get it. I'll show you a coward. Every second under the water will feel like an hour!" I grabbed her by the hair aggressively, forcing her face underwater, watching her feet kick as she struggled to breathe.

I lifted her head to see if she was ready to give me what I needed, but her first words formed a question, and that question was, "Why me?"

I lost my patience and shot the gun right past her face. "Pow!" That was the shot that put her in her place. She began to tell me where the money was:

"It's in the basement, in an old gun safe. The key is hidden up in the fireplace." I got all I needed to know from her. As I made a turn for the door, it flew open fast.

"Grandma, I want my daddy!"

"Pow! Pow!" I shot off instantly, hitting the baby once in the chest, and the other shot landed in her head, instantly killing her on impact. Sadness filled my heart, but what I did, I couldn't take back. What was done was done. The grandmother went crazy. What snapped me back into reality were her screams of pain.

"You son of a bitch, you killed my baby! No, no, no, you killed my baby!"

I raised the gun. It's business over bullshit. Then, I shot her close range in the head. Her brains sprayed all over the wall. She fell face-first, and the faucet broke her fall. I ran down to the basement and went straight to the fireplace. That's where I found the key with no problem at all.

When I opened the safe, I couldn't believe my eyes. There were five garbage bags full of money. The sight blew my mind. I started grabbing as much as I could, running to the car as fast as I could. I could hear sirens coming from a distance. I ran and got the rest of the money, jumped in the car, and left the scene smoothly. I had one more stop to make before my mission could be complete. I headed to the storage unit. I knew once I stole that key it would come in handy. It was made like a two-car garage, with one spot free. So, I pulled inside and shut the door so nobody would see.

I owed it to Money Mo; he had a smooth plan. He just made a couple of fuck ups along the way, which I bet he never thought would catch up with him one day. I went into Money Mo's old school '76 Impala. In the trunk, there was another duffle bag of money and three bricks of cocaine. I hit my goal and more. I found the keys to the Impala and put all the bags of money from Dollar's car inside. Then, I wiped down the gun and the car, making sure I left no evidence inside or outside that could tie anything to me. I changed my clothes and put them in a bag, but I took them with me. I wish I could have left my conscience in this garage as well, but unfortunately, that was another thing I had to take with me.

As I left the garage, I closed a chapter in my life. I had all the money I could ever need. I framed Skep Dollar with the chrome .380, so he would be implicated in Sunny's murder, along with the other two murders he just committed. Once they find Money Mo's mom and daughter, those three murders will become five. With five bodies, I bet I'll never have to worry about Skep Dollar again because he's going to spend the rest of his life in prison. The way I see it, it's better him than me, fuck him.

If I had told Skep Dollar where the money really was, he wouldn't have spared my life. I would have been found dead in the house with the rest of them. As I rode behind the tint of the old school Impala, I turned on some music because my thoughts were scattered. I kept seeing visions of the baby I just killed. So, I stopped at the light, looking for any CD I could find. I reached over to check the glove box, and as I looked inside, I was startled by a knock on the window.

"Money Mo, what's up, bro? Roll the window down so I can holla at you!" Knock, knock, knock, "Money Mo!" We locked eyes for a second before I straightened up, grabbed the wheel, and took off through the light. I had been careless, and now I could only hope I hadn't compromised my position. I popped a DMX CD into the deck. When I opened the glove box, I noticed a Glock 40 underneath the CDs. I took the Glock 40 out, placed it on my lap, and my eyes darted to the rearview mirror as I drove, immersed in the music.

DMX: "The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog. Huh, how you gonna see it if you're living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog. Ah huh, how you gonna see it if you're living in the fog?"

I pulled up near my grandma's house. Even though I knew I shouldn't have — I had too much shit to be out in the open — I made sure I moved swiftly. I managed to get everything inside the house without anyone noticing. Now, before the sun fully rises, I need to ditch this car.

"Isn't that Money Mo's car?" he mused, reclining in his vehicle, watching a young guy get in and drive off. He recognized the youngster from the times he'd seen him with Money Mo during pickups.

"Yeah, that's his shit," he confirmed to himself. Money Mo never let anyone drive his cars. He used to say they were personal, treating them like his babies. They were the only things he felt he could truly call his own. Everything else was for his family. He knew he should just keep to himself, but something about watching the young man didn't sit right. He reached for his phone and tried calling Money Mo.

At first, I considered torching the car, but that guy who saw me at the traffic light changed my plans. I decided to leave the car near one of Money Mo's close friend's houses. I'd clean it, leave the keys inside, and people would assume he was driving it. In this life, most people crave visibility, but I learned early on that exposure could be deadly. There was no way I'd keep the car. I've always been the kind to operate from the shadows, never letting one hand know what the other is doing. Returning to my grandma's, I burned the clothes I wore the previous night in a remote alley. If I'd been thinking straight, I would've taken other garments from grandma's to burn at the same time. It's easy to overlook details in this fast-paced life. May-so always stressed the importance of attention to detail.

By the time I got back to my grandma's, I was ready to count the money. There was so much of it; I didn't know what to do or where to hide it. As I counted, my grandma barged in. The look on her face was pure anxiety. She threw a garbage bag at me, stepped in, and closed the door. When I peeked inside, my heart sank. I had a lot to explain. The bag held the clothes from the night Sunny was killed, and she had caught me red-handed with the cash. I told her about Sunny, but couldn't reveal everything. I shifted the blame for the previous night's incidents onto Skep Dollar, making it seem like he forced my hand. I insinuated I had taken the money and left him stranded. Deep down, I felt she might've sensed the truth. I wasn't sure if I could trust her. Trust is rare where I come from.

To my astonishment, she approached and kissed my forehead, whispering, "What's done is done. But you can't tell anyone about this, especially not your mother, understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I mean it. No exceptions."

Together, we counted over three million dollars. It seemed to take an eternity, and I dozed off multiple times, nearly losing count. I'd have been livid if we had to start again. Amidst our counting, grandma and I agreed on one thing: our lives wouldn't change. We were both aware eyes would be on me. If Skep Dollar discovered that the two murders he thought he was involved in were actually five, he might turn informant. I had to be cautious and stay under the radar. Facing that many charges would drive anyone to spill to the police. Now, I was curious to see if he would still abide by the street code with his back against the wall.

Time has passed; I'm now 12, about to turn 13 years old. I did a little hustling, but I made sure to pace everything slowly and keep it on a low level so I didn't draw any attention to myself. I sold the whole three bricks I took from Money Mo, then I stepped away from the dope game for a while. A part of me just wanted to experience what normal life felt like—going to school, meeting new friends, and girls. Well, yes, especially girls!

I had one that was on my menu for sure, her name was Chrissy, she had a very contagious style, one that was hard to describe, she had one of the fattest asses and a cute set of tits that looked like they stood at attention in an army line. I found out quick I was attracted to her lips because the fullness in them always made my mind flip, I was addicted to this girl, to this world she is truly a gift.

Those brown eyes kept me focused on her. I'm surprised she could even breathe. The only difference between me and her was that she was 18. I lied to her, telling her I was 16. It wasn't hard to believe because I certainly didn't act my age. She lived near one of my friends I met in school, Mike D. Now, that's my guy—a real solid dude. He had my back during a situation where another guy and I had a fight. After that, we've been best friends ever since. Truth be told, Mike D had his eyes on Chrissy too, but I beat him to the punch. Mike D has a little brother named Lil Will. Mike D and I are the same age, but Lil Will was 9 years old at the time, which is the age I was when I started to move in the streets.

Mike D hated when his lil' brother would follow him around but not me; Lil Will always had this look in his eyes that spoke big things. He might have needed us now, but who's to say that won't change in the future. One day, we were coming from the basketball court shooting some hoops; after we were done, we shot back to the house to grab something to eat. As always, Mike D's grandma's chicken was off the chain. Before we walked into the house, I saw Chrissy stepping out of her house in the tightest shorts I have ever seen; they almost looked like they were painted on her body, a true masterpiece, she has a wide set of hips, but somehow her pussy still managed to sit out in the front, I mean damn, if pussy could talk, hers would have a lot to say.

"Wright, come here. Let me holla at you."

I love when she would say my name; it always does something to me. I walked over to her and tried to quickly wrap her up in my arms.

"Hi, baby. I miss you," I said.

"Uh-uh, boy, get off me. You always act like my man when you come around. I haven't given you this pussy yet, and you're already acting crazy," she said.

"Ah, the key word is 'yet'! Do tell, baby," I replied.

She smiled and stepped to the side to put on her serious face. "Wright, what are you doing this Sunday?"

"Not too much, really. Just kicking it with the homies," I said.

"You and the homies can come over to my house on Sunday. My momma is going to be at church all day, so we can chill, you know."

She moved closer and planted a wet, passionate kiss on my lips. It made my pulse quicken faster than an Olympian in a relay race. Looking into her eyes, I got lost for words.

"So, what's up, Wright? Are you coming over?" she asked.

I snapped out of the daze her kiss had put me in. "Yeah, I'll be there," I said.

She looked down at my shorts as my dick poke through, putting a space between us, she looked both ways then took a step closer, spit in her hand then guided it down my shorts, stroking my dick up and down slowly while she was kissing my neck, unleashing her tongue on my ear, in circles. My eyes began to roll to the back of my head. She caught me in action, took a step back and began to laugh.

"Oh, I see I got you ready to pop already, huh?" she laughed. "No, that just means that when you do give me that opportunity, you're in trouble." "Ok, I guess we'll see, baby. We'll see," she responded.

I watched her walk away, looking back and giving me that look, the kind where you feel irresistible. I walked back over to Mike D's house, hoping to grab a bite to eat before heading home for the night. His grandmother never minded me eating there. She often commented on how respectful I was, so I always felt like she saw me as one of her own. When I entered, Mike D and I locked eyes. I could tell he was eager to hear about my interaction. That's my boy, so of course, I had to fill him in. That's just what buddies do, share the details with each other. After dinner, I said my goodbyes and headed for the door, but Mike D followed closely.

"Hold up, bro," he called, "You can't leave without telling me what happened."

"She wants us to come over on Sunday. She said her mom's going to be at church all day."

"Oh yeah, she must be trying to fuck!" Mike exclaimed.

"Bro is she? She was in my shorts stroking my dick, licking all up in my ear and shit; driving me crazy out that bitch!"

"So what you gonna do? Asked Mike D.

"Fuck her! Ha, ha, ha, ha; what you think I'm gonna do?"

Mike clapped back, "Bro you ain't never fucked no bitch before, so don't even try to lie on your dick or bullshit me!"

"No, I haven't, but that's going to change on Sunday for sure. Plus, when I was little, I used to sneak and look at my uncle's pornographic books, so I know a little something. Shit, I know more than you!"

As Mike D just shook his head, laughing at me, he stepped closer. His face became a bit more serious, and his voice dropped to a whisper.

"Bro, I need to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for a while now. Talk to me, what's up?"

"I've been trying to figure out how I can put some money together. Grandma has been having a hard time with the bills, and she can't afford the stuff me and Lil need for school. I have to do something. School is about to start again, and we don't have anything saved for the new year," Mike D said.

I knew where this was going, and I had promised myself I would stay away from bullshit. However, this was my best friend, and I had told him I'd always have his back. The least I could do was hear him out.

"I'm listening. What do you have in mind?"

"I know this chick who can't keep a secret. She's always talking about how her stepdad has weed and that she knows where he hides it."

"Who is this chick? Do I know her?"

"It's Cassie," I said.

"Yeah, I know Cassie; sexy ass, hangs with big pussy Stacey Adams. I've been trying to know both of them down but they always acting stuck up. "

"Knock them down, what you mean?"

"I've been trying to fuck both of them! Did she tell you where the weed is hidden at?" I asked.

"No, that's the point. We've got to do our homework. Maybe chill with them a little bit. You know, they both like to smoke weed, so there's room to get in with them.

"Michael, get in this house! Clean these dishes and finish your homework so you can get ready for bed," Mike D's grandma said.

"Homework? It's the summer! How are you doing homework, motherfucker?"

"You know I fucked up and now I have to deal with this summer school shit. But listen, I'll catch up with you later, before she comes out here and starts tripping. Yeah, we're going to have to put something together," Mike D said.

We shook hands and parted ways. As I walked home, my mind went into overdrive. I wasn't hurting for money. Over the years, my grandma Vickie had made various investments to ensure my future was secure. On the other hand, Mike D and Lil Will need me. I've never been the type to abandon a friend, especially when they need me, but in the streets, you have to assess situations from every angle. I'm certain Mike D isn't the type to rob anyone, so he must be desperate. Above all, I need to be cautious. A weakness remains just that, a weakness. So, over the next few days, I'll figure out my next steps.

I entered the house, looking for my mom just to let her know I was home safely. Our conversations are brief, and then I go about my business. My mom has always been the type to work hard, then come home and dedicate her time to her partner. We've never been close, but I understand. I've heard her father got a lengthy sentence in another state and may never return. I've always been curious about my own father, wondering if he'd recognize me or just pass me by.

Every time I ask my mom about him, she deflects or says, "Trust me, you don't want to know." That response never satisfied me. So, I began my own search. If I didn't discover his identity, I feared I'd feel the void my mom does. My mom's boyfriend is okay, except for his occasional overbearing days. Yet, as May-so once told me, "You catch more bees with honey than by running out naked with a net." I still don't fully understand that.

It's been a few days, and I've decided whether I want to join Mike D in his plan. It looks like I'm in, but it has to be worth it. Nothing's worse than risking everything for nothing. One mistake can cost you your life. That being said, I'm going to take it slow, especially today. It's Sunday, and I'm eager to see Chrissy's sexy ass again. I've been thinking about her since our last chat. I dressed and slipped out of the house unnoticed, deciding to stop by the store for some condoms. I don't want to be caught unprepared in the heat of the moment.

As soon as I walked up to the door of the store, I saw Stacey Adams coming out with a baby stroller. She looked disheveled; her hair wasn't done, her nails weren't done, she was wearing dirty socks with flip flops. Despite that, she looked thick as hell in tight pajama pants, and as she walked, her ass cheeks clapped with every step. Stacey also has pronounced lips and an overbite. Still, I'm just another guy trying to get chase a nut.

"Hey Stacey, you're looking really good today," I said.

"Why are you lying? I look a mess today," Stacey replied. "I just needed to grab a few things from the store. And why are you talking to me now? Any other time you see me, you don't say anything."

"Damn, can't I feel good today and acknowledge your botty?" I responded.

"Whatever. So what's up? When are you coming over to hang out, maybe smoke with me?"

"We can arrange that. But will you introduce me to your friend Cassie? I've had a crush on her for quite some time," I said.Top of Form

"What since when? And you mean you been giving me all them eyes like you like me, but you really want to fuck with my girl?"

"I mean, both of you are sexy as hell!"

"Oh, so you is trying to smash me an the homie?"

She walked around me in circles, showing me every inch of her body and I ain't going to lie, I might have to try her later but for now I have to keep everything all business.

"Stacey, come on now. Are you going to pass her the word for me?"

"Yeah, I guess. And, by the way, my boy Mike D has been feeling you for real too. Maybe we can all hook up and do a double date or something. Don't worry, tell her it's all on me."

"Oh, is that right? So you're balling now, huh? You know you aren't fucking with any cheap bitches. You're not about to treat us to a Wendy's meal," Stacey said.

When I heard what she said, I had to laugh, even though her face told me that she was dead serious.

"No, baby, wherever you want to go, just hit me up and let me know, and we're there."

I wrote down the number and stood for a while just to watch Stacey walk away. She knew I was looking, and I was glad she did. You get more out of women when your emotions aren't hidden. I planted the seed, but I'm not going to bring it to Mike D just yet. First, she needs to call. We make the connection, then we can go from there. After I got what I needed from the store, I headed straight to Chrissy's house. When I knocked on the door, Chrissy answered in a nice, little, tight-fitted dress, with her legs shining like she'd poured a whole bottle of baby oil on them, smelling like something tropical from Bath & Body Works. As I looked behind her, I could see Mike D and Lil Will were already there, so I came right in and took a seat on the couch.

"Damn, baby, you're rude. You're just going to come in and not give me a kiss, or a hug, or anything?" Chrissy said.

"Baby, you're going to get something started if I touch you. So, what's wrong with that?"

She smiled as she walked away to the kitchen. When she reached the doorway, she pulled her dress up a little, just to show me she wasn't wearing any panties.

"Baby, grab a blunt off the table and come back here with me for a minute," Chrissy said.

Mike D looked at me, smiled, and then shook his head. I did as I was told, but took very slow steps. I was nervous. My heart began to pound the closer I got to the back room. Then, out of nowhere, she pulled me into the bathroom and began to kiss me slowly and passionately on my lips, then my neck, and then my chest. Then she stopped.

"Baby, light that blunt up and relax."

I had never smoked a day in my life until now, until I was with Chrissy. With each puff I could feel the smoke enter my lungs and a tingle ran all over my body, and damn when she touched me it drove me crazy. She unbuttoned my pants then got on her knees and took me slowly into her mouth keeping her eyes set on me the whole time, deep throating my dick, over and over I watched all of me disappear, to doing tricks on the tip, she took complete control and I gave it to her. Then, she stood up and took the blunt from out of my hands.

"Come on baby, it's your turn now, I want you to taste me," she exclaimed.

She moved to the toilet, dropped the lid then sat on top and spread her legs wide open. I got on my knees and began to kiss her pussy with soft kisses, I never did this before so I didn't know what to do, I followed her lead keeping eye contact.

"Come on baby lick this pussy, suck this pussy for momma make me cum all in your mouth," she moaned.

I began to take long licks, like her pussy was an ice cream cone, I didn't leave her ass out I treated them both the same, she began to go crazy, holding the back of my head tight, pushing my face in and out her pussy, I could taste her sweet juices, the more I sucked and worked my tongue, she opened up her clit for me and it became a victim.

I learned the faster I went the more she couldn't control herself, my dick was throbbing, I couldn't take it no more I had to feel myself inside her, so I got off my knees and pulled out the condom. She took it from me because I guess I was taking too long and got back on her knees licking and sucking all over my balls, making my dick extra hard. Then in one motion she put the condom in her mouth and rolled it onto my dick, deep throating me, slobbering all over me.

I took the back of her head and began to pound my dick into her throat, she backed up and laid completely on her back opening her legs wide, I knew just which place to go because my tongue had just visited her sweet spot. When I entered inside her I could feel her walls gripping me, fighting me as I opened her up with every stroke, her pussy began to build pressure, I backed out as if something was wrong. Her juices flew all over my chest and stomach, she reached for me to come back inside of her so I could give her more; I pounded her tight wet pussy harder and harder and then suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"No baby please don't stop, baby don't stop, you ain't got to answer the door come on give me some more," Chrissy pleaded.

I stood up and opened the door to see who was on the other side, Mike D was standing there touching himself, as he passed me the blunt, I pulled him inside the bathroom, I began to smoke the blunt making space letting him move into my place, as he was putting the condom on, Chrissy sat up and began to rub his dick all over her face, as she put him into her mouth, she got him rock hard, then she turned her pretty ass around and stuck it all the way up in the air, looking back at Mike D to invite him inside, he got down on his knees behind her, spread her cheeks, entered her and began to pound her as hard and as fast as he could. She watched me the whole time, licking her lips, showing me that she was enjoying his every stroke that he unleashed inside of her.

Within minutes I noticed how Mike D started to get weak inside of her, as she pushed and bounced her pussy up and down his dick, he moaned as she moaned, I got turned on watching every second, and then he came. Without missing a beat Mike D stood up walking like he had lost feeling in his thighs, he went out the door, not even stopping to look back, I locked it. I turned around, the only thing on my mind was getting more of her. I took the condom off, damn I had to feel her walls bear skin, shit I might be crazy for doing this but I have too, and with her I'm willing to take the chance, I enter inside her and started back stroking her wet walls, feeling every bit of her. Damn her pussy tightly wrapping around me, talking to me, on its own, not in the English language.

I could feel the power she was taking from me. I had to switch positions just to last a little longer, when she began to ride me, I got lost in her eyes, I could feel my feet curl and I could feel myself ready to release between her thighs, damn baby I'm cumming, she jumped up real fast placing me in her mouth sucking hard, but slow, finishing the job, as I bust all in her mouth and all over her face.

In that moment, I just knew I had fell in love with her, not by heart, but by her nasty ways, today we shared something real special that I know neither one of us will ever forget, as she jumped into the shower, I washed my body off in the sink, leaving her to take care of her business as I go make me a plate, I just wanted to eat and smoke then eat again, plus do my best to relax from the love making we just made. What blows my mind is me and Mike D just lost our virginity to the same woman on the same day.

After I left Chrissy's house and got home late, I took a shower, letting all the thoughts of the day flow through my head. Damn, I could still feel her touch, and I craved her taste. I wondered if another woman could ever replace her. As I prepared to sleep, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"What's up, Lamar?"

"Who is this?"

I figured it had to be family, because nobody else would just call me by my first name.

"It's your aunt Sharon, boy—your Uncle Scottie's wife. Do you want to go with me to visit him tomorrow?"

"Wait a minute. Are you asking me out on a date? If so, you can be direct. I know how to keep a secret," I replied.

"Stop joking! I just want to know if you'll ride with me."

Now, Sharon is undeniably attractive. If she gave me a chance, I'd fuck her. She has two kids, but she's fit, intelligent, and genuinely kind. I enjoy her company. If my uncle ever hurt her, he'd have me to answer to. And maybe then, I'd have a shot with her.

"I don't know, I might be busy tomorrow."

"Don't be like that, Lamar. I want your company, and I'll treat you to lunch afterward," Sharon said.

"Alright, I'll go. Just call me in the morning."

"Make sure you're ready. I don't want to come down there for no reason, Lamar."

"Okay. Love you too."

She laughed softly before ending the call.

I guess it would be nice to go see my uncle Scottie, especially since I haven't seen him in a while, he been down on a rape case, the judge gave him 4 years, it was just one of them fucked up situations, where he didn't want to be with the chick, so she did whatever she could do to hurt him, I guess someone taught her killing a good man name is enough pain for anybody to bear. Plus, while I'm there I could ask a couple of questions about my dad, my uncle and him was good friends for a long time, back in the day so I know he should be able to give me some type of information about the man at least I hope he can.

The next morning, I was reluctant about the visit. It's hard seeing loved ones confined. After getting dressed, my Aunt Sharon honked outside. I delayed going out, trying to mask the scent of the marijuana I'd smoked. Even though Sharon is laid-back, she can be quite authoritative. When I got in her car, her enchanting perfume overwhelmed me. I was taken aback by her beauty.

She had on a sun dress that hugged her body just right and she has these damn tits that sat up like she fresh out of high school, I could see her nipples poking through. She turns me on every time I'm around her, anytime a woman put those damn dresses on I always wonder if they got anything on under them. I got in the car looking fly dressed to impress just to see if I can catch her eye, from time to time she be making her Lil comments, like, if only you were a little older or you would be my Lil boyfriend if I wasn't with your uncle and if he keeps playing I'm going to put you on the team. She just doesn't know I take all them words to the heart, and plus I think it's a lot of truth to her words, but she always acting like she just joking.

"Damn, boy, what took you so long? We might miss the visitation!"

"I had to look my best for my baby," I teased.

"You always have something to say, don't you? You gonna make me tell your uncle on your ass? You look high as hell. Have you been smoking?"

"I'm not high, I just woke up."

"No, you're definitely high as fuck!"

I laughed, leaning back to enjoy the music, but she silenced the radio and confronted me about my habits.

"When the hell did you start smoking, Lamar?"

My filter broke. "Around the same time I started eating pussy."

She looked taken aback. "So you're having sex and doing drugs now? Think you're all grown up?"

"I'm grown enough to know how to handle myself."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Sharon said as she continued with her evil eye. "That I'm good at keeping secrets and placing bets?"

"Secrets? Like what secrets, Lamar?"

"Secrets between us. And bets? Like, if you just give me one chance, you wouldn't regret it."

After I said what I had to say, a heavy silence filled the car for the rest of the ride. I couldn't tell if she was mad at me or actually contemplating my words. I could tell the wheels in her brain were turning, though. We pulled up to the prison, getting ready to go in, but one of the guards informed us we couldn't visit because someone had been stabbed. He said that we could see my uncle during his outside recreation if we hurried, so we quickly made our way to try and spend a few minutes with him.

When I turned the corner, I saw my uncle Scottie talking to a man who was staring at me as if we were acquainted. I called out to my uncle, and as he approached, the man followed, grinning widely in my direction. All I could think was, "Here comes one of those clichéd conversations about how I've grown and haven't been seen since I was a kid." I wasn't in the mood for that at all.

"What's up, Uncle Scottie? It's good to see you, old man."

"So, this is Mr. Lamar Wright, huh?" The man interrupted, speaking over my uncle and rudely inserting himself into our conversation.

"What's up, man? Do I know you?" I asked.

"Well, you don't know me, but you should," the man replied.

"And why do you think I should know you? You don't look important!" I retorted.

"Lamar!" Sharon exclaimed.

"It's okay," the man assured.

Sharon approached and took my hand as if she was about to make a big announcement. She then softly said, "Baby, this is your dad." The words echoed in my mind, but I couldn't fully grasp them.

"He's my dad?"

"Yeah, I wanted to surprise you during the visit. I heard you've been searching for him, and I wanted to help," Sharon explained.

I was at a loss for words, gazing into the eyes of the man I'd sought for years.

"Hey, son. I also didn't want her to break the news. I really wanted to tell you face-to-face. So, don't be mad at Sharon; it's not her fault."

I squeezed Sharon's hand and leaned in to kiss her. "I ain't mad at my baby."

Sharon recoiled in surprise and looked to my uncle for support. I stepped toward the man claiming to be my dad. I had numerous questions, but with the guards moving about, time was short. Only a few words were exchanged between us.

"So, son, are you interested in getting to know your dad?"

"Yeah, that's cool. Just hit me up sometime. We can catch up."

And just like that, I watched him walk away with my myriad of unanswered questions. I wondered if he would really reach out or if our next encounter would be in another 13 years, perhaps at a grocery store. At least then, I'd recognize him if he passed by. When I returned to the car, my thoughts were scattered, and to calm down, I began to roll up a blunt.

"Lamar, what the fuck is you doing?" Sharon said.

I quickly snapped back into reality, I had forgot not only who I was with, but also where I was at.

"I'm rolling up this blunt, shit, I got a lot on my mind, this shit is crazy."

"What's so crazy about it, you kept saying how you wanted to meet your dad, so now you did."

"I also keep saying I want some of that pussy, but you ain't trying to give me none of that." I said.

"Disrespect me one more time and I'm going to punch you in yo' shit Lamar, and I'm serious!"

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry, I'm gonna hit my breaks, I ain't going to sweat you no more and that's a promise."

"Don't make this about me, just tell me how you really feel about the situation," She demanded.

"To tell you the truth, I don't know how to feel." I said as I laid back and lit the blunt.

"And make sure you pass that shit this way," she said.

"Only way I'm passing this blunt is if we bonded in blood, I don't need you smoking with me and then telling on me later."

"Boy from what I see, you gone do what you want to anyway, 12 going on 22 running around smoking blunts and eating pussy, shit crazy!

I passed the blunt, laid back, and didn't say another word. Ten minutes into the ride back home, my phone rang.

"Hello, who is this?" I asked.

"Who do you want it to be?"

In my mind, I had no clue who it could be. I had just gotten this phone, and I couldn't recognize the voice at all.

"Just by this sexy little voice, it's got to be someone special — a special little gift wrapped just for me."

"Ha, ha, ha. Something like that. This is Cassie. Stacey gave me your number and told me you wanted me to get in touch, so I thought I'd call and say hello."

"Yeah, I've been thinking about you like crazy, wondering when you were going to call me."

Right after I said those words, I looked over at Sharon. I could see her cutting her eyes at me, almost showing signs of jealousy. She was trying to tune into my conversation, wondering who I was talking to. The thought just made me laugh, so I continued with my conversation.

"I want to hook up with you. If you let me, I want to take you on a date."

"Yeah, Stacey told me what was up, and that's cool. If you're for real, then we can make that happen."

"If I'm for real? Yeah, I'm for real. What are you going to wear?"

"Boy, lol, why are you worried about what I'm going to wear? Just know it's going to be nice and you're going to like it."

"I bet I am. So, can we hook up on Friday?" I asked.

"Yeah, we can do that. Friday it is."

"Ok cool, baby. I'm going to save your number in my phone and make sure I see you on Friday. Ok, see you later, bye."

We hung up the phone, and all I could think about was not just how sexy she is, but also how close I am to the next move. I talked Sharon into dropping me off at Mike D's spot. I had to fill him in on what's going on with the date, with Cassie and Stacey.

"Mike D, what's up, brother?"

"Shit, just chilling high as fuck, ready to get up and make me something to eat."

"Well before you get up and start feeding your face, I got some good news to lay on ya."

"Oh yeah, what good news you got for me, shit I hope it's about some money, while I'm sitting over here with these fucked up pockets," he said.

"Well something like that, I got us a double date with Cassie and Stacey, I said

"Cut the bullshit, how in the hell did you manage to pull that off? And which one I got?"

Mike D looked like a kid in the candy store as soon as he heard the news, I couldn't tell if it was about the money or the pussy.

"You got Stacey, I got Cassie's fine ass, I caught Stacey at the store and told her I was feeling Cassie, I shot Stacey the number to give to her and she just called me today so it's on."

"Naw mafucka, how did you pull that shit off? There's got to be more to it." Mike D said.

"I told them that I would pay for ever thing when we take them out on our date."

"Man see, I knew it was a catch to it, and how we gone do that? Our broke ass ain't got no damn money so what we going to do now? I can't be going nowhere broke looking like a lame, why you ain't talk to me first before you go making them."

"Mike D, chill bro damn, I got us, I got some money put up, where we can all go out and have a great time, plus this gives us the chance to get the real info on the step Dad."

Mike D got up and began to pace the floor as if what I just said completely took over his thoughts.

"Hell yeah, we need to hit that lick, I heard that mafucka holding on to a lot of cash," he said.

"Yeah but you can't listen to what everybody says, that's why we got to see what's going on for our self. Now when we get with the girls don't make it obvious we trying to get information out of them, just lay back and be cool," I said.

"I got this bro don't trip, plus I been wanting to fuck the shit out of Stacey thick ass! I hope you don't fuck her like you did Chrissy, minute man," I said.

"Man fuck you bro, that was my first time plus that shit was wet as fuck!"

We both laughed about what happened that day. We smoked a couple more blunts, and then I left on my way home. Today was a crazy day with me meeting my dad. Somehow, I pictured things to be different, but life is unpredictable. You just never know what to expect. When I got to the house, my mom was sitting on the couch, eating her dinner and watching TV. I couldn't hold back what I had discovered; I had to tell her. The main reason was to see her reaction.

"What's going on, Momma? How was your day?"

"Boy, I'm tired. They worked me like a slave today. I couldn't wait to get off work so I could just watch my little TV shows and relax. I'll do it all over again tomorrow. But enough about me, how was your day? What did you get up to?" she asked.

"Well, I went with Sharon to see Uncle Scottie."

"How's your uncle doing? I've been meaning to visit him, but I've just been too busy with work," Mom said.

"Yeah, he's doing okay. While I was there, I also met my dad for the first time."

"Wait, you did what?" As anger covered her face, I braced myself for what looked like an imminent outburst.

"Sharon took me to meet my dad," I said.

"Why the fuck would she take you to do something as thoughtless as that?" she exclaimed.

"Because I've been searching for him for a while now, Momma. She just wanted to help. And every time I ask you about him, you always say the same thing: 'Believe me, you don't want to know him,'" I replied.

"Oh, baby, trust me, you really don't. That man isn't right, and he doesn't give a shit about you. When you get the chance, ask him where he's been all these years and why he hasn't been in your life until now."

"He'll probably say it's because of you, especially since you seem to hate him so much."

"Is that what you think? That I kept him from you all these years? The only thing I ever tried to do was keep you safe. But you're growing up, and you have to learn many lessons on your own. All I ask is that you don't give him my number and don't show him where we live, you hear me?" "Yes, ma'am."

I watched my mom during the conversation about my dad. She exhibited three to four different emotions, but the last one settled on deep compassion mixed with strong worry. It was at that moment that I began to wonder: was all of this coming from a place of hate for my dad, or was he truly that bad? It gave me doubts about him. I knew what to expect from my mother; it was him I didn't know about. Yet the desire to know or have something can often override common sense. That's what May-so would always tell me, especially when I was on the verge of making a hasty decision. I need to find out for myself; otherwise, I'd be left wondering for the rest of my life. Damn curiosity can be dangerous, especially when emotions are involved. I went back outside to clear my mind. Checking my phone, I noticed I'd missed a few calls from Stacey. I hit redial to call her back, and she picked up almost immediately.

"Hello?"

"What's up, Lamar? What are you doing?"

"Shit, I'm just chilling, trying to clear my head."

"What happened? What's wrong, baby? Can I help you clear your mind?" she asked.

She laughed, adding, "How are you going to let me help you clear your mind?""

"Boy don't go there, you can come over and we can smoke and talk, I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on, I ain't say nothing about some pussy."

"I didn't either, I just asked you how would you clear my mind, then you spoke on the pussy, but I ain't gone lie a little would be nice."

"Man whatever, is you coming over to chill or not Lamar? I'm trying to smoke, I ain't smoked all day, I know you got some weed and I got a Lil bottle, what's up?" She said searching for my answer.

"So is Cassie coming through or should I call Mike D and tell him to meet over there?"

"Naw, it's just going to be me and you, you act like we can't be alone, what's wrong with that, you act like two friends just can't chill without getting out of pocket!"

"I didn't say nothing was wrong with it, I just asked a question damn chill Stacey."

By Stacey continuing to get defensive, I could tell she wanted more than she leads on, and I have the choice to bite or not. "Ok Stacey just chill alright, I'll be over there in a minute, just be looking out for me."

"Ok hurry up tho!"

We hung up, and I headed to her house, when I got there, I could tell I was on the right track in my thoughts. When she answered the door, damn, she was a completely different person I seen at the store, plus it was almost as if she didn't have nothing on, she was wearing a something that looked like a muscular shirt that looks like it was made into a dress, she was oiled up from head to toe, her hair was done, hands and feet were matching, baby really had her shit together today, my mind started flipping, I started to question why I came there in the first place, I don't want to fuck shit up with Cassie.

To my surprise we talked, and smoked a couple blunts, a lil liqueur was passed around, we talked some more, she cooked and we ate, over the course of time I could tell things was starting to loosen up, I learned that me and Stacey really had a lot in common, we got more likes then dislikes in this world and it really made me look at her differently.

One thing I noticed over time, is she began to touch me more and more, or she would place her legs over mine, and from time to time she would expose a lil bit to me at a time. Plus, she smelled good as fuck. I was ready to make a move but I didn't know if that was the right thing to do; she was turning me on the longer we were in each other's company, my mind was telling me that I should just get up and get out of there but no part of my body was going to even make an attempt to move to the door.

I could see her eyes, searching for any weakness inside of me, by the minute I was losing, let's just say if this was a test, then I'm failing badly. She had my full attention. Before I knew it, my dick was rock hard, poking through my jeans, to the point I couldn't hide it from her sight, I lost control and my desire for her grew more and more by each minute, so I broke the oddness between us and made a move on her.

The look on her face told me she wanted me to do just as I said; I got on my knees and crawled between her legs to see if she would stop me along the way, to my surprise she opened up to let me in. I started kissing the soft spots of her thighs, then she put up a small fight, pushing my head away but was over powered by the feeling of wanting more, it took time but she slowly started to receive me as I turned her on in all the right places.

Once I got her legs to open up as wide as I could get them to go, I took in the view of her pussy and admired just how beautiful it truly was, her clit stood out, demanding attention and attention was what I gave her as I open her up with both hands so I could see clear what was hiding inside, I took her clit into my mouth and began to suck on it as hard as I could, learning the difference from what she wanted to what she needed, taking long licks up and down, round and round until I could taste her thick sweet juices cum all in my mouth.

My performance was based off the rise in her voice or the arc in her back, and I loved when she called my name though I got scared we would get busted from how loud we got I just couldn't stop, I enjoyed every minute I shared with her, we made a mess, she dripped all the way to her ass, which I didn't hesitate to clean up. I flipped her over in a doggy style position, I wanted her bad, I had to be inside of her, I wanted to be the one to break all her walls down. Shit, I had already gone this far, why not go a little bit farer, why not finish what I already started, I forced my pants down around my ankles as fast as I could, as I rub my dick up and down the crease of her pussy, teasing her hole, I moved forward to slide inside, she jumped up moving my dick out the way.

"I told you I can't fuck you Lamar!"

"Damn we already went this far we might as well keep going," I said.

"We both know you want to be with my friend and that ain't right we can't do this."

At that moment, I was willing to say anything just so we could finish what we had going on, just so this shit wouldn't end. But at the same time I had to be smart, even in a moment like this, I had to cut my losses, it wasn't worth losing out on Cassie or fucking up the move all together.

"You right, I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me."

I reached for my pants, with a strong disappointment covering my face. "It's alright, we just got to feeling the drank and we smoked all them blunts, getting high, so shit could happen; don't trip I ain't gone say nothing, this gone be just between you and me, this is our lil secret."

Then she stepped in slowly and delivered a kiss on my lips, sucking her juices off of them. As I got the rest of my things and headed for the door, Stacey stopped me in my tracks.

"Lamar, where you going, you can't leave yet."

"I figured you wanted me to leave after everything that just happened."

"Yeah I can see how you would think that, but it's only fair if I return the favor you gave me, then it would truly be a secret between us."

She moved me to the couch, taking my pants off completely, making sure I'm as relaxed as I could get before she got between my legs and filled her mouth with as much of me as she could fit. I watched as she slowly bobbed up and down, eyes closed, moving to her own rhythm as if she was in tune with her favorite song, my mind was free, wondering out in to space, damn was this what making love truly felt like, finding yourself inside another and loving every minute of it. My time was up out of nowhere, I exploded all in her mouth and with what was left, she played with on the tip of her tongue, holding me tight rubbing me all over her lips, with her eyes open, she cleared every thought I had, I just laid there stuck in one place not able to move, damn she was a beast.

"Shit you ok Lamar?

"Yeah, baby, I'm straight," I said, trying to act as if what she just did to me was nothing. I had to sound tough, but in truth, she really just blew my mind. I knew that if she let me, I would probably move in. I had a feeling things were not done with us; her place was going to be a revolving door for me. I'd just become a fiend for her touch.

"Did you like it?"

"Yeah, it was cool. Look, we've got to do this again sometime," I said as I stood up to put my pants back on. She looked at me as if I'd offended her with my words.

"It was just cool, huh? Well, it seemed like it was more than that, the way your toes were curling."

Stacey and I laughed and talked for a little while longer before I left. It had been a while since I saw May-so, so I had to touch base with him to see what had been going on in the streets.

May-so always kept his ears to the street. His favorite line was, "I do the work so you won't have to. I make the mistakes so you never will." One thing I could always say about May-so was that he always had my back whenever I needed him. When I arrived at May-so's house, everything was anything but normal. The man was high out of his mind, naked, with dope lying around everywhere.

"May-so, what's going down? Tell me something good," I said.

"Ain't nothing going on, young blood. It's just the same old shit going on around here: dope and dollars, dollars and dope. What's going on with you?"

I told May-so about meeting my dad for the first time and how he talked about getting to know me. I vented to him about how my momma acted and all the things she had to say about him. The whole time, May-so didn't say a word. He just listened, waiting patiently until my conversation came to a stop. When it did, he didn't hesitate to share his thoughts.

"I know you're excited about meeting your dad, and that's a good thing. But there could be some truth to what your mom is telling you as well. Guard your heart, young blood. I'm not saying you shouldn't get to know him; I'm just saying be careful."

"Be careful? Why? This is my dad. Why would he want to hurt me?"

"It's not about him hurting you. It's about you living outside your emotions. Don't ever let a man get a hold of your bottle and babysit your cup at the same time," May-so said, not making any sense to me.

"What? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Man up and listen. When a man rides behind you in the back seat of your car, he's got a hold of your bottle. Your bottle is control of the situation, which is your life. If somebody else is pouring, there's no telling how much you'll drink."

"Okay, May-so. I can see you're high right now. I'll come back later."

"Boy, listen. If you control the bottle, you control the situation. If you control your cup, you control your life. That means, never give someone your gun, especially if they're sitting behind you. That's like just giving your life away. Lamar, do you have any dope on you?"

I told him no to the dope, but I held onto his words. Even though I knew he was high as a kite, his words were sharp as a knife, cutting into my very soul. Everything was always deep with May-so. Even though it might seem complex, the message with May-so is very simple: watch who you trust with your life. After all, you only get one. After I left May-so, I was filled with thoughts again. It made me think about going back to Stacey's house. A second round, perhaps? On second thought, I'll just call it a day.

Over the last couple of days, I kept in touch with Cassie and Stacey. It's starting to look like there's a little secret thing between Stacey and me. She might even be developing feelings for me. Today is the day of our double date. I hope none of what Stacey and I did comes out. I haven't told Mike-D about Stacey and me; I need to keep that my little secret. I don't think it's a good time to tell him; it would just complicate things. We might have lost our virginity together, but other than that, I don't think he's the sharing type. We all went to a nice little restaurant called Longhorn. We ate, laughed, and had a great time. Stacey and I were perfectly in sync. Every once in a while, I'd catch her giving me "the eye." Mike-D seemed a bit timid, so I thought I'd shake things up.

"How about we grab a bottle and hang out at the park?" I suggested.

"What park?" Stacey asked.

"It's one in Newport, Kentucky, right by the river. It's secluded, so we don't have to worry about the police. It could be fun," I replied.

Cassie seemed distant.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her.

"I told my mom I wouldn't come home late, and I can't afford to get in trouble. I just got off punishment," Cassie replied.

"Girl, you'll be alright. We won't stay long. Stop acting like a prude!" Stacey snapped.

"Girl, fuck you!" Cassie retorted.

I pulled Cassie close, ensuring our eyes met.

"Can you stay a little longer for me? I want to spend more time with you. I promise I'll get you home early," I coaxed.

"How long is you talking about?" Giving me the eye as if she ain't playing when it comes to the answer.

"Not long baby, I'll make sure you at the house at a nice hour, I promise."

It took Cassie a minute to agree, but once she did, we were on our way to the park. When we got there, I made sure we put some distance between Stacey and Mike D. I just wanted us to be alone so we could do our own thing. The more I talked to Cassie, the more I realized just how good and sweet of a person she truly was. Over time, I could tell that I was falling for her. We talked about anything and everything. I could just tell she was different. She really listened to me. There are things she knew about me that even my own mom doesn't know. That's rare for me because I've always been a private person, but she made it easy to open up to her in ways I couldn't imagine. I know we are young, but I have actually thought about creating a family with her and can only wonder if she feels the same way about me.

I kissed her at least 10 times, we held hands for long periods of time, I was catching feeling for her quick, I could see the mood was set just right for something special to happen, while I held her from behind I began to grind into her, I wanted her to feel my dick rise in between her ass cheeks, she had on a mini skirt on, so this was the perfect time to try to slide inside her.

"Baby, what are you doing?" she asked.

"Nothing, baby. Why do you ask?"

"Cuz it looks to me like you're trying to get into my pants," she remarked.

"What's wrong with that?" she queried.

"A lot is wrong with that. When we make love for the first time, I want it to be special. There's nothing special about laying on your back in the park."

"You said 'the first time.' Does that mean with me or your first time ever?" I inquired.

"It's my first time ever. I've never been with anybody else. I'm not like Stacey. I mean, she's my best friend and I love her, but she's a bit," Cassie trailed off, giving a meaningful look.

"What? A bit loose?"

"Yes, and I'm not like that at all," Cassie asserted.

Meanwhile, as we were talking, we noticed that Mike D and Stacey had disappeared. It seemed like a good time to get a little more personal.

"Baby, I want to be 100% honest with you. I don't want to leave anything out when it comes to me."

"Okay, what is it, baby? You can tell me anything."

"I've been hustling in the streets for a while now, and I'm really good at it. I've just had a problem finding the right people to take me to the next level. Baby, with the right connect, I could make enough money to move away and get a head start for when I start my family one day."

Cassie's eyes lit up with joy once she heard those words.

"Lamar, money doesn't make you happy. My mom and stepdad have plenty of money, and they still argue and fight all the time."

"Yeah, but your mom and stepdad don't have a love like ours. I love you, and if you let me, one day I hope I can marry you."

As soon as I said those words, I could tell that I had melted her heart. She was feeling me; I knew she was. I could see it in her eyes.

"You love me?"

"Yeah, baby, I do. Did I say something wrong?" I asked.

"No, you didn't say anything wrong."

She looked me in the eyes as tears began to form. She held me as tight as she could as we both stared out into the river. Everything about this moment felt special. I truly enjoyed her company, and to tell the truth, a part of me never wanted this to end. I kind of felt bad because I knew things weren't going to end well, unless I could pull a move on her dad without her finding out it was me. That way, Cassie and I could still be together; things just have to be done right. We left, and I made sure she got home at a respectable hour. Then, I headed home to call it a night myself.

When I woke up the next morning, I noticed I missed a couple of calls from an unknown number. I figured that if it was important, they would call me back. Today, I just wanted to relax and enjoy my day the best way I could. So, I thought I'd slide down to Washington Park and shoot some hoops with Mike D. When I got to the court, Mike D was shooting hoops with this guy named Lil Rob. I didn't like Lil Rob much because, to me, he was nothing but a follower. Man, I hate a person who can't stand on their own two feet, always following behind the next man — the type of guy that hides behind somebody else's identity. For that reason, I have no respect for him. But I know how to play it cool; with those types of guys, you've got to be careful because they might try to bring you down in the long run.

"What's up with y'all? Can I get a game in?" I said.

"Yeah, if you're ready to get your ass beat, you can," Lil Rob said, confidence showing in his eyes.

"Cut the shit. You know you can't stop me on this court. But anyway, what's been going on with you, Lil Rob? I thought you had some little chicks lined up for us. At least that's what you said the last time we talked," I said.

"Oh yeah, Lil Rob! Damn, you didn't invite me to this little party?" Mike D said.

"Naw, hold up. I do have something nice for us. If you're going to come over to my spot tonight. My mom and dad are going to be gone, so the place will be popping," Lil Rob said.

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"We're having a little party tonight. That's what the fuck I mean!"

"See, now that's what I'm talking about: a little action," I said. "Yeah, I told you I'd come through for us."

"Cool, we might as well hang out until later tonight."

"Bro, I don't even have anything to wear. I'm going to need some time to get ready," Mike D said. "Listen, none of y'all trip. We're about to hit the mall, and it's all on me," I said.

"You've been saying that a lot lately," Mike D said. "What?"

"It's on you. You've been coming up on a lot of money, treating everybody and stuff. You're not cutting your boy in. What's up? Put me in the game, coach," Mike D said.

I laughed it off, but at the same time, I noticed Mike D was starting to watch my moves more closely. I'd better slow things down a lot.

"Bro, I've been stacking my money up to the ceiling. You know I've been cutting grass all summer with my big cousin," I said.

Since when, nigga; you always with me most of the time, when the hell you got time to cut some mafuckin grass, yeah right cut the shit," Mike D said.

"Man, you don't know what I do in my spare time. I'm not with you all the damn time either!"

We argued for a while on our way to the mall. Only the women who passed by were able to distract us from our constant bickering. We shopped and got everything we wanted. But my next stop was the food court. I'd been starving all day, and I've been trying to catch this cute girl who works at Popeye's Chicken. She always gives me a look when I come through the line. I'm going to finally take my shot. I think it's about time I approach her. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot her approaching the counter. I made my way over, but before I could say anything, Lil Rob stepped in my way and spoke. "Damn, what a cock block!"

"Hey, what's up, baby? How you doing?" Lil Rob said, glancing at me as he spoke.

"Hey, welcome to Popeye's. Can I take your order?" she replied, not showing him much interest.

"Yeah, you can if it comes with your number," Lil Rob countered.

"Why do you want my number?" she asked.

As they chatted, I started to feel jealous. I disliked mafuckas who flaunted their looks. It always made me feel insecure. I was genuinely interested in this girl, and I didn't even know her name. It felt as if the world would end if I didn't get to know her. I had to put my shit in check to prevent them from showing on my face. I had been pursuing her for a while.

"So, are you and your girls going to come to my party tonight?" asked Lil Rob.

"Yeah, we'll come through," she replied.

The more I watched her, the more I wanted her. The more he talked to her, the more jealous I became. I regretted missing my opportunity, but hoped I'd get another shot. After leaving the mall, I had to prepare for the party, so I hurried home, got dressed, and went straight to Lil Rob's house before everyone else arrived. I wanted to discuss some personal matters. Before I could knock, the door opened. Lil Rob appeared, looking surprised and somewhat guilty.

"What's up, Lil Rob?"

"You're here pretty early," Lil Rob remarked, looking anxious. "I have a few things to set up before the party."

"That's fine. I can come back later if you prefer. I just wanted to talk about something," I replied.

"We can talk now if it's quick. What's on your mind?"

"I wanted to discuss a potential business opportunity," I said.

"That sounds interesting. If it involves making money, I'm in. Just let me know what I need to do."

I shared some details with Lil Rob, though not everything. We spoke vaguely about a plan, avoiding specifics. I was trying to gauge his interest and trustworthiness. His response was promising. However, as he re-entered his house without a proper goodbye, I felt uneasy. I decided to wait nearby, out of sight, to see if he was hiding something or someone. Two hours later, someone emerged from his house. Seeing who it was left me in shock.

Cassie: This day was turning out to be a crazy one for me, seeing Lamar come up to Robs house like that, I never even knew that they even knew each other. As she stared off into space, she felt a strong guilt come over her for not stepping out, letting him know she was there. Me and Rob are just friends and we been that way for years, but I didn't want Lamar to think nothing crazy, which men tend to do that a lot and I don't need that because I love Lamar so much, even dough we just met, he's special to me, he is the first one I have ever felt this way about and I really want to run away and maybe start a family with him one day. I could really see us together. I haven't told Stacey or anybody about me wanting any of these things, especially about wanting to run away with Lamar, and I rather keep it that way because I don't need no one to try to judge me or even worse, try to stop us, I don't need no one trying to get in our way, damn, damn, damn, I think I even seen Lamar when I was coming out of Robs house, I'm not sure it was him and I could be tripping paranoid, forcing my mind to see things I know isn't really there. Well shit, I hope that isn't there. The thought of Lamar thinking the wrong thing and leaving me is something I couldn't truly stand to bear.

As she gets into the car, out of nowhere tears began to start coming down her face beyond her control, she truly didn't do anything wrong but yet she can't figure out why she is so emotional and guilty. When she got to the stop light, she wiped away her tears enough to see her phone was ringing and Lamar was the one calling, she immediately started to panic, wondering if it was him that she seen or what she would say if he did ask was she there at Rob's, she tried to change her pitch in her tone to excitement, so he didn't notice she had just been crying.

"Hi, baby," I said, trying to sound upbeat.

"Hey, what's up?" Lamar replied. "You've been quiet today. Must've been busy."

Struggling to find the right words, a lie slipped out. The silence that followed felt heavy. Lamar then mentioned a party at Lil Rob's house, giving me another chance to come clean. But again, I remained silent.

"Hi, baby," she said. "Hey, what's up, baby?"

"Nothing much, baby, just missing you like crazy."

"Oh, is that right? So, what have you been doing all day? I haven't heard from you all day. You must have been really busy," Lamar said.

At that moment, she wanted to tell him the truth badly, but the words just couldn't roll off the tip of her tongue. Instead, a lie spilled out.

"I've been really busy all day, baby, running around with my mom while she paid some bills, and we did a little shopping," she said. But for a minute, a heavy silence filled the space on the phone. She didn't know what would come next.

"Yeah, I've been out doing a little shopping myself for a small party I'm supposed to be going to tonight, at this guy's place, someone named Lil Rob I know."

Now was the time for her to speak up, but instead, she let that moment pass her by once again.

"Ok, that sounds like fun. Are we going to hook up after you're done with the party? I have some things I want to talk to you about, and I also have a big surprise for you," she said.

"You have a surprise for me? Tell me what it is!"

"No! That's why it's called a surprise."

"Baby, I might be tripping, but I swear I saw you earlier when I stopped at my friend Rob's house. Was that you?" Lamar asked, hoping to see if she would tell the truth. The hesitation in her voice revealed a lot.

Her heart was in her stomach. Once again, she had another chance to let Lamar know that it was indeed her he had seen. But instead, she once again took the high road and chose to tell another lie, knowing it would catch up to her later.

"No, it wasn't me, baby. And if you thought it was me, then why didn't you say anything when you saw me?"

Anger began to build in him because he knew she was lying to him. "Damn, how could she lie to me? I thought she loved me. Was everything she ever said a fuckin lie?" He didn’t show his pain; he had to stay focused on the matter at hand. That's all that mattered now.

"That was the same thing I was thinking," Lamar said.

"No, baby, you're just seeing things. Damn, I didn't know you missed me that much, but thank you for letting me know and making me feel special. Make sure we meet up after the party. I really need to see you, Lamar. And baby, I love you. I have to go, so I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

As soon as she hung up, her heart sank. She knew he didn't believe her, and now, no matter how much truth she told, it wouldn't cover up the lie she started with. Why was it so hard to just tell the truth?

Lamar:

After I got off the phone with Cassie, I could tell that she was secretly fucking with Rob, hiding it from me even though she knew I was aware of the truth. Why wouldn't she just come clean? I really thought she loved me. Damn, I guess she had me fooled - and with Rob of all people. This shit is crazy. I would expect it from him but not Cassie. I rolled up a blunt to clear my head.

More than half of me is being overpowered by the child within. I began to plot how I could get revenge and pay them both back for the pain they caused me. I cleaned up my act, then headed to the party. Before Cassie called, I was doing a little research on my own. Cassie's stepdad is a big shot around town. He's done a lot and word is he's not to be fucked with. This guy named Jerk, whom I occasionally hung out with, said he used to work for him.

At one point, they were close, but a big deal went south, and their friendship ended. I never spoke up; I just listened closely. This nigga talks too damn much, but that proved beneficial; otherwise, I wouldn't have known all this. Turns out Cassie's stepdad's name is Joe-John. He used to run with May-so. Once Joe-John made it big, he didn't look May-so's way again, which is messed up. It's disrespectful not to look out for those who've looked out for you. I couldn't share this with May-so; I wasn't sure how he'd react, given he'd mentored Joe-John like he's been mentoring me. I decided to keep this to myself. Given Joe-John's reputation, I knew if I moved against him, I'd need to be all in. I didn't want Cassie to ever suspect it was me.

I pulled back up to the party and it was thick as hell, fine lil honey's everywhere, it seemed like the whole hood was in the building. As soon as I came through the door, I had love coming from everywhere, I saw Mike D in the back with his brother Lil Will and two lil fly honey's shaking their asses all over them, this looked like this could turn into a porno real quick, blunts were rolled up everywhere, you could hardly see through the room it was so much smoke.

I got myself a drink and just chilled out and hollered at a couple random people that slid through the party, but the whole time I was looking for Lil Rob, I haven't seen him since earlier, after I waited a while longer, I took it upon myself to search the house looking for him, it took a while to find him, which I almost didn't until I was lead to the garage by the sound of moaning. I rounded the corner and out of nowhere a anger grew inside of me, I wouldn't know what to do if I saw him fucking Cassie, damn what if it was her, as I got closer I could see Lil Rob digging in the lil chick from the food court in the mall, pounding her as hard as he could while she held on for her dear life to the wall.

Looking back at him, with a pleading look in her eyes, only for a moment I was turned on, damn she was so beautiful, but then jealousy filled my body, taking my once hard dick to a very soft one, then hate came after, who the fuck does this motherfucker think he is, he stole her from me and I wasn't tripping, it was cool, but Cassie was a different story.

I wanted to kill his ass right here, as I looked at him, I wonder what they see in him and it also makes me wonder what they didn't see in me. I watched him deliver every stroke, all the way to the end. All I know is I have to hurt him the way he has hurt me; I just don't know how I'm going to do it just yet.

The worst enemy you can have is the one you can't see, after they cleaned up and left, I went to the very spot that he stood, I wanted to stand in the place he stood while he fucked the bitch that was supposed to be mine, I tried to get a hold of my thoughts, give this hurt no power but I couldn't, so I left the party. From the way I was feeling I couldn't face Lil Rob like this, I wanted to hurt him to bad, I had to get my feelings in order, on my way to the house I remembered that Cassie had wanted me to come over, so I called a couple times before I got her to answer.

"Hello."

She sounded as though she was asleep, as if I had woken her from a pleasant dream.

"What's up, baby? I thought you wanted me to come over tonight. You sound like you're sleeping!"

"No, I'm not asleep, and yes, I do. I just got out of the shower. When you get here, just come on in; the door will be unlocked," she said. "Damn, where are your parents? Don't have me opening doors and getting shot at and shit!"

"Baby, nothing's going to happen to you. I already told you they're going to be out all night. We have the place all to ourselves, so we can relax." "All night, huh? Okay, I'm about to pull up in a minute, okay?"

"Okay."

After hanging up the phone, I headed straight to her house. When I arrived at her home, it seemed all the lights were out, but when I opened the door, I saw candles lit everywhere. It resembled a romantic scene from a movie. The scent of cocoa butter filled the air, and a soft jazz song played at a perfect volume, drawing attention as soon as one entered the room. Then, I saw Cassie descending the stairs. She was oiled up perfectly, and all I could think was, "Damn." I couldn't imagine leaving anytime soon. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she took my hand and led me back up.

"Damn, baby, where are you taking me?" I asked, seeking the answer in her eyes. "You already know where we're going." "Oh, is that right? And are you ready for this, baby?"

"Yes, Lamar. I've thought about it, and I truly love you. I want you to be my first. Everything about you, about us, is special, and I want to show you just how much I care about you."

As we walked into the bedroom, I let her undress quickly, then I laid down on the bed and watched her come up out of her clothes slowly, I was turned on by just how beautiful she truly was, she is covered in a pure dark chocolate skin, with the pinkest little middle I have ever seen, her body was perfect, I would change a thing about her, at this moment I felt like the luckiest man in the world. As she came closer, I pulled her down on top of me and we began start kissing passionately I rolled her over and opened her up for a taste, I took long licks, making sure I get every drop of her love, as she moaned, I could tell I was all the way in control, I dipped my tongue inside her tight like hole.

"Damn baby you feel so good," she said as she pulled on the back of my head guiding me in every direction I should go. I didn't want to stop I was in love, with her taste, her body, her soul, and all of them were driving me crazy right now. I rolled her over to try to enter her from the back, she stopped me.

"No Lamar."

"Huh, what?" I said checking to see if I did something wrong.

"I've never done this before; I want you to get on top baby and please don't hurt me," she said with pleading eyes.

I climbed on top of her and began to try to enter her, forcing myself inside of her but it was hard to break down her walls, she moved from left to right as if she was in pain.

"Baby it hurts, please slow down."

It took a little work but I finally had a break through, and her walls wrapped around me like a blanket on a new born baby, damn I got weaker and weaker inside her by the minute, as she held onto me tight, we stared into each other eyes, kissing, enjoying every moment, we weren't fucking, no! This had to be what making love feels like. From there she got comfortable to perform every position you can think of. We fucked all night long I came what had to be a hundred times. She even tried to suck my dick, I stopped her because she wasn't good at that at all, I started to tell her she needed to get some pointers from Stacey but I knew that would only get me in trouble, so I just laughed that off to myself, I didn't want to fuck up the moment. Once we were done we both just laid in the bed sweaty and tired. Cassie rolled over into my arms and looked at me.

"I want you to know that I love you and I want to kind of ask you a question," she said as we lay there face to face, I could see she had a seriousness in her eyes.

"What is it baby?" I asked but wondered was this the time that she was going to come clean about lying to me and being at Lil Rob's house. I loved her, so now would have been the right time, I would have forgiven her in a heartbeat.

"If we made enough money baby would you run away with me."

I didn't mean to laugh, but I couldn't help it. "Yeah, and then what? We're just going to live happily ever after, huh?"

"Lamar, I'm serious. I really care about you. In fact, I've never felt this way about anybody before," she said, with almost tears in her eyes. You could see the genuine truth in her gaze. But what bothered me most was the numerous lies lurking in the dark. I wondered if she was trying to play me for a fool. I wanted to believe her, but I knew what I'd seen with my own eyes, and that shit hurt.

"Oh, you care about me, huh?" I wanted to confront her with what I knew, but I held back. Why should I? She hadn't come clean.

Her facial expression changed with my words of doubt, and she became immediately angry and impatient. "Why do you say it like you don't believe me?" she asked, searching my eyes for an answer.

I kept evading. Revealing what I knew would only drive a wedge between us, and I didn't need that. So, I deflected with another question. "Do you really want to be with me and only me?"

She sat up in bed, her eyes piercing into mine. "That's what I just said, didn't I?"

Even though I knew she'd lied, I wasn't ready to give up on her. She meant a lot to me. Being with her felt right. However, feelings are fleeting, but the truth always sets you free. And I felt free from being controlled by emotions.

"Yes, that's what you said. But I need you to show me more—that you genuinely want to be with me, that you love me," I said, avoiding her gaze.

"So, giving you my virginity isn't enough? How am I supposed to prove it to you?"

"I want you to introduce me to your stepdad. Maybe he can help me get some money."

"Lamar, I don't know. He always tells me to stay out of adult business. He won't listen to me; he sees me as a child. He doesn't even know I talk to boys. If he finds out, he might freak."

"Baby, all you have to do is link me up with him. The rest will be history."

"If he learns that I like you and you want to work for him, he won't want me around you," she said, genuine concern evident in her eyes.

"No, baby, nothing and no one can ever separate us."

I pulled her close, holding her tightly. I realized I couldn't press any further on this issue, at least not now. For the moment, I just wanted to be close to her. But soon, I'd have to meet up with Lil Rob. He'd called me during a private moment with Cassie, insisting it was urgent. His insistence on meeting alone made me uneasy. Before heading out, I grabbed my weapon. No one would get the upper hand on me.

There's just something about this meetup that doesn't feel right. Lil Rob and I have known each other for a while now, and we've never had bad blood, but you can never be too careful. You can never tell when the love is lost. Hell, over my bitch, I was ready to kill him earlier. What keeps playing in my head and makes everything weird is, why does he keep insisting that I come alone? Because of that, I don't know what to expect from this guy.

I parked a couple of blocks away from his house, just to make sure nothing crazy was waiting outside for me. As I was walking up to the door, Lil Rob was coming out to stand on his porch. As we met up, I was not only watching my surroundings but also his every move.

"What's up, Lil Rob? What was so important that you had to talk to me about?"

Lil Rob motioned for me to be quiet and to come into the house. When we entered, he went into the basement and headed straight for the closet. While I followed him, my hand was on my weapon, just in case he tried any funny business. He then pulled out a large black duffel bag and threw it at my feet.

"What's in it?" I asked.

"Open the damn bag and take a look!"

Inside the bag were four bricks of heroin, strong as fuck. I could tell it was pure and uncut.

"Damn, Lil Rob! Where did you get this?" I asked, surprised that he could acquire such pure product.

"I scored it off some dude from the hood."

"Which hood?" I inquired, looking for a lead.

"That doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that no one knows but you and me. I've never sold this shit before, so I don't even know where to start. Have you fucked with it?"

"Yeah, I've sold a bit of it here and there," I said confidently. "Good. That's why I called you. I thought you'd be the best man for the job."

"We can make a lot of money from this. Just give me enough to let people try it around town. Once we lock them in, this will move fast. I know a lot of people. Don't tell anybody anything, and I'll handle it. You just need to lay low; the fewer people who know, the better."

I was surprised by how much Lil Rob trusted me. But it could be guilt over messing with my girlfriend behind my back. Who knows? All I know is I love money in any form. After getting what I needed from Lil Rob, I headed home for some rest.

When I woke up, I saw I had missed calls from my dad. We've grown close over the past few weeks. I'm excited for his release from prison so we can hang out. We're so alike. But I still have many questions that only he can answer. I have plans for us to take my street business to the next level. He's my dad so I know he would never hurt me and at the same time he can see that I'm ready and that I ain't just some kid out here, I really held it down since he been gone. But it's cool, my dad is back now and we can do this together. In a lot of our conversations we had on the phone, my dad was worried about coming home and getting on his feet, so I'm going to surprise him with a Lil bread to slow down his worry, I really need him focused on the bigger picture, he doesn't need to be stressed over money, when we got a lot of catching up to do.

As I continue down my call log, I could see I missed a couple of calls from Mike D and a couple from Cassie as well, plus one from Stacey, damn I must been sleeping real good to sleep through all these calls, Stacey probably want me to slide through this morning, the thought of that put a smile on my face instantly, me and Stacey always have fun when we together, so I hurried up and got in the shower I had not yet washed Cassie off of me from our love making last night, then I got dressed, even dough I wanted to go see Stacey, I can't, I have to go see Mike D to bring him up to date on what I need him to do next.

When I arrived at Mike D's house, Lil Will was at the kitchen table, packaging dime bags of weed. I was amazed at how quickly he'd picked up the hustle. As May-so always said, "There's no telling what a man might do for money." I could personally attest to that sentiment. I've always been drawn to the pursuit of money, but so far, I haven't had to chase it very hard.

"What's up, Lil Will? I see you're chasing a bag early," I commented, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not chasing anything. I'm here, packaging the bag," he replied, clearly missing my jest.

"Dude, I just meant that I see you're into hustling now."

"Hell yeah. A mafucka got to do something. No one's going to hand shit to me," he said.

"So when the hell were you planning to tell me about your new enterprise? Heck, I might even want to join you and get a piece of that action," I said, a playful smirk on my face.

"Yeah, right mafucka. You don't hustle, but somehow you always have money. I'm beginning to think you're a trust fund kid or something. And if I find out you have a mansion in the hills, I'll be shocked," Lil Will retorted.

"Ha, I wish. I don't visit the hood for fun. Where's Mike D?" I inquired.

"He's in the room," he replied, pointing towards the back.

Upon entering the room, I found Mike D in the corner high as hell, utterly engrossed in a video game and vocally expressing his frustrations.

"You're just gonna sit here and game all day? Why aren't you helping Lil Will out there?" I asked. "Instead of wasting time here, you could be making money."

"Because that shit ain't serious money. Where I want to be, and what I want to achieve, that kind of income won't cut it. What my brother's doing is just small change," he replied.

"Bro, something is always better than nothing. Everyone starts somewhere."

"True, but I want to start at the top. Anyway, what's the plan with Cassie's stepdad? Are we setting him up?"

"I'm still figuring things out. But what if we don't go through with the robbery?"

"Why wouldn't we? Man, I need that money. We both do. Otherwise, we'll say broke ass niggas, I'm damn near ready to make a move on anybody that gets in my way," he said, a desperate edge to his voice.

His intense gaze told me he was deeply serious.

"The reason I'm hesitating about the robbery is that working for him might be more profitable. Maybe he'll mentor us, get us established," I suggested.

"You think he'd want to fuck with two kids? Is this about Cassie? Are you having second thoughts because of her?"

As crazy as it seems, I really didn't know how to answer that question. What he said hit my heart, but there's no doubt in my mind about what I want to do. I can see things clearly, and the truth is, yes, I do love Cassie and would love to spend a lifetime with her. However, money rules the world, and the wrong love can strip you bare. I'm torn between the two. It's like being caught between a rock and a hard place, making it hard for me to decide, so I lead with my pride.

"Damn, so you're trying to say I'm hung up on a bitch, the one I suggested we target in the first place because of her big mouth?" I said.

"Yeah, I hear you," Mike D replied, almost dismissively.

"You've got to do more than just hear me," I retorted.

"Shit could change overnight. You've been playing house for a while now. You two don't act like boyfriend and girlfriend; you act more like husband and wife," Mike D pointed out

"Man, fuck you! I can't rush this shit. We have no room for mistakes. Any wrong moves and we could get fucking killed. That guy is well-known in the streets."

"I don't want to miss out on this money either."

There was nothing left to say, I shook his hand and headed to the door. Some of what he was saying was right, I do have to make a decision soon, on my way out the door my phone started ringing from an unknown number. I usually don't answer but for some reason I felt this call might be important.

Hello, what's up? Who is this?

"Hey, what's going on, son?"

"Dad, is that you?"

"Yes, it's me. How are you?"

"I'm well. Why are you calling me from an outside number? Did you get a cell phone in there?"

"They let me out early. Can we meet up? I want to spend some time with you," he said with a long pause, waiting for me to answer.

This call was unexpected, but it came at the right time. Now, I could slowly introduce my dad to the business, and together, we could start taking control of the streets.

"Yeah, that's cool. Where do you want to meet?"

"Meet me downtown in about an hour. That will give me time to meet with my probation officer and update him on my plans for the week. It's something I have to do now. Plus, I have a few things to sort out. It shouldn't take long."

"Do you have to check in with him?"

"Yes, or they can send me back to prison. I can't go back there," he said, taking a deep breath.

"We don't want that. I need you out here. We have a lot to accomplish."

I could tell my words resonated with him.

"Oh, like what?"

"Don't worry about it right now. We have plenty of time to discuss it. But first, let's update your wardrobe. You've been away for a while, and styles have changed. I don't want you looking like a member from the 70's show," I joked.

"Okay, I see you're making fun of me. I have some money, but not a lot for a shopping spree."

"Don't stress about it. I've saved some money. I've got you covered."

There was a silence on the line. It seemed he was lost for words, so I chimed in, "We're good, Pop. Take care of your stuff, and I'll see you in an hour."

"Okay, son. See you soon."

After hanging up, I rushed home to gather some money for my dad. I initially planned to give him $5,000, but thought $20,000 would make him more comfortable and focused for what was ahead.

I met my dad at the mall's food court, where I was crushing on that lil chick Lil Rob fucked. A part of me still wanted to shoot my shot but I didn't, I don't play second well. Before shopping, I decided to grab a bite and chat with my dad. As we talked, I could sense he had something on his mind. To lighten the mood, I handed him a bag full of money. His eyes widened in shock.

"Oh my God, son. Where did you get all this?"

I just smiled and continued eating. He looked anxious, as if we had committed a crime.

"Dad, relax. Everything's okay. We're not in trouble."

I wasn't ready to reveal everything to him. Some truths are not for everyone.

"Where did this money come from?" he persisted.

"I've been working hard, helping friends with tasks and making some investments," I replied, avoiding his gaze.

"At twelve, you're doing all this?" he said, incredulously.

"I'm thirteen. Why don't you believe me?"

"Look, when I was your age, I wasn't thinking about this kind of shit, let alone having this much money."

Our conversation shifted, but he still seemed curious. He was looking for an answer I couldn't give, so I just did my best to change the subject, because I wanted to move me off the topic list.

"Dad I'm glad you home, but I can't say the same about mom I think she really hates your guts!"

"Well that shit ain't nothing new, me and your mom haven't got a long for a while now."

Even though I changed the subject, I could see in his face that he was still searching for more. We went shopping and talked a little more about the future, but anytime I asked him about the past, he would say, "Son, just let the past be the past." I understand that everybody has secrets. I mean, I have a lot of secrets of my own, but there are many things I need answered to move forward with my dad. His unwillingness to answer many of my questions gave me an uneasy feeling inside. After we left the mall, my dad and I parted ways. I was tired and had spent a long day with him. All I wanted was to go home and rest, to quiet my racing thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder why my dad didn't want to talk about his past or if he was truly hiding something. All I know is that time will reveal the truth.

When I got home, I settled in for the night. After eating and taking a shower, I popped in a movie and prepared for bed. Out of nowhere, my phone rang. When I answered, Cassie sounded panicked, almost as if she had been robbed or had committed a robbery herself and needed a getaway driver.

"Baby, listen to me, you have to come get me," she said, her voice filled with worry.

"Hold up, baby, what's wrong?"

"I need you to come get me right now. Hurry!"

"Baby, I need you to calm down and tell me what's happening. Did someone hurt you? Because if—"

"No, no, baby. I took a lot from my stepdad for us, and I have to get out of here before he realizes it's gone or that I took it. He's going to kill me if he finds out."

"Why, baby?"

"I thought you said we were going to be together, that we were going to run away. You wanted proof of how much I love you, and here it is."

"I do love you, but what if your stepdad finds out about all this?"

"He's going to find out, but by then we'll be long gone. I don't care if he finds out. I just want to be with you," she said.

"Where would we go?" I asked, needing an immediate answer.

"We can go anywhere. There's a lot of money and weed in this bag. So tell me, are you with me or not? I can't turn back now."

"Yes, baby, I'm with you. I'll be there soon. Just try to calm down."

"Ok, but don't tell anyone about this. It's our secret. I love you," I said.

"I promise I won't. Lamar, I really do love you," she replied with conviction in her voice.

After hanging up, I took a moment to process everything. I never expected her to do something like this, but it reminded me of what my mom always said: love can make you do crazy things. I then called Lil Rob to ask a favor.

"Hey Lil Rob, I need a favor," I said, suppressing a smirk.

"What now? I was just heading to bed," he responded, clearly irritated.

"I'm tied up at home right now. I've got a potential business deal in the works for tomorrow morning. I can't leave, but I need you to pick up Cassie for me. Can you do this for us?"

There was a pause. "You want me to pick up your girl and bring her to your house?"

"Exactly. If I could, I wouldn't ask. We need this business to work."

"Alright, Damn Lamar. But you owe me," he said gruffly.

"You mean the money isn't enough?" I laughed as I ended the call.

I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief. I wondered if he'd ever admit to what had been going on behind my back. As much as it hurt, I couldn't dwell on it. I had to get ready for what was coming next.

Lil Rob & Cassie:

When Lil Rob pulled up to Cassie's house, he wondered why Lamar had really asked him to pick Cassie up. Was Lamar being truthful about meeting the guys, or did he suspect something was going on between them and wanted to confront them face to face? Lamar had never asked him for such a favor before. Maybe Lamar thought he was trying to make a move on her, but Lil Rob would never betray him like that. Why ask him of all people? He could've asked Mike D, his best friend, not Lil Rob. And Lamar had been acting strange since the party at Lil Rob's place. He hoped Lamar hadn't seen Cassie leaving his house earlier that day and misconstrued things. He and Cassie had been friends since childhood; their parents were best friends. He'd never seen her in a romantic light; she was more like a sister. He didn't understand why she hadn't clarified things with Lamar.

When Cassie emerged from her house, she seemed genuinely surprised to see him. She carried two large duffel bags, looking as if she was moving out or wouldn't return for a while. When she saw only Lil Rob in the car, her confusion grew.

"Lil Rob, what are you doing here? And where's Lamar? He was supposed to pick me up."

"Calm down, I'm just helping him out. He's busy, so he asked me to come get you. How did he know where you live? Did he give you my address?"

The realization that he hadn't explicitly been given her address struck him, making the situation even odder.

"I don't know, Cassie. But we should tell Lamar we've been friends since childhood, so he doesn't get the wrong idea."

"We will, just not right now," she said, cutting him off.

"What do you mean 'not right now'? It sounds like you're hiding something. I don’t want issues with Lamar because he thinks there’s something between us."

"Trust me, if Lamar thought that we were fucking around he'd have confronted us by now."

"How can you be sure? What's happening, and why are you leaving late at night with those bags? What's inside?"

Lil Rob reached for a bag, but Cassie slapped his hand away. "Mind your business! You're here to drive, not pry. If I wanted you to know, I’d tell you."

"So that's how it is?"

"Yes! You're my best friend, not my partner or father. I don’t owe you every detail."

Silence enveloped the car for the rest of the ride. Lil Rob couldn't shake his concern, wondering about the contents of the bags. Was Cassie running away?

"Cassie, I may not be your boyfriend or father, but I'm more than a friend. I worry about you," he said, eyes filled with concern.

"You don’t need to worry. I can handle myself."

"But I do worry. What’s happening? Are you running away?"

Cassie evaded his gaze. She had promised Lamar she'd keep silent, a promise she wasn't willing to break for anyone. Yet, she knew she couldn't remain entirely silent.

"Me and my mom had a fight, and I'm staying with Lamar tonight to let things cool off," she finally admitted, albeit reluctantly.

"You packed two bags for one night? That doesn't add up. There's more to this story; that shit you saying isn't adding up."

As they arrived at Lamar’s house, he refused to let her leave without a satisfactory answer. He locked the doors, holding her arm, trying to persuade her to make the right decision.

"That's all there is. I packed extra in case I need to stay longer. If that happens, I might stay at Stacey’s or somewhere else. Just don't tell my parents."

He finally released her, but she hugged him before leaving, assuring him everything would be okay.

Lamar:

"I saw Lil Rob and Cassie pull up to my house and what was crazy is I never even gave him an address to where she lives or a phone number for him to even try to get in touch with her but yet he never asked either, messy!"

It was becoming more and more obvious that they been fuckin around for a while now and what hurts is why me? She doesn't have to lie to me, if she wants to be with him, then be with him, she doesn't have to cheat on me.

The more I thought about them being together, the angrier I got, the more I felt betrayed, the more I wanted them to feel the pain that I was feeling and while I was looking out the window into the car, I just seen Cassie and Lil Rob in what looks to be fighting over something, but what could they be fighting over, a part of me wants to go outside and confront the both of them together, they them know that I know what's going on, but what would that do?

All they are going to do is lie and I'll just look like a fool. Then out of nowhere while I was still glued to the window, I saw Cassie reach over and give him a hug and kiss, what the fuck is going on, is the only thoughts that came to my mind, I couldn't help it, I ran to go put on my shoes to go outside but before I could get out the door, Cassie was already there at the door knocking, I needed answers and she was only going to get one more chance to answer them.

I opened the door fixing my face, I couldn't let her know that I know about her and him, all I can hope is that she will tell me the truth before I end up doing something stupid. As soon as the door open she ran into my arms and a flood of kisses followed.

How could she kiss me after she kissed him, nasty bitch, she probably sucked his dick on the way over here, damn what should have been a moment of happiness was overpowered with so many fucked up thoughts, thoughts of them fuckin, thoughts of her sucking his dick and then coming to fuckin kiss me, playing me like a fuckin fool, I took a step back to put some space between us to look her in the face, I always felt like the eyes can't tell a lie. When the kisses stopped, the questions started.

"Is something wrong, baby?" she asked, looking into his eyes as he moved away, as if something was bothering him. "How could she ask a question like that, knowing damn well she knew what was wrong? The more I looked at her, the more I felt like my head was going to explode. "Nothing's wrong, baby. I was just almost asleep, so I need to wake back up, that's all."

"Baby, don't worry. I'll wake you up. I'm here now," she said with the biggest smile on her face I had ever seen. "Oh, is that right?"

"Yeah, that's right!"

"Why don't we get the bags put away so we can go take a walk and talk about what's next for us?" I suggested. "Why can't we just chill here and talk, baby? It's kind of late, isn't it?"

"Because I'm trying to smoke and chill, baby. Maybe have a couple of drinks and shit. I don't want my mom being nosy about my business, knowing you're here. You know I have to sneak you in. But most of all, I want to talk about us."

"What about us?" she asked, wondering where he was leading.

"I just want to make sure. Are you certain about us? About us running away together? I don't want you changing your mind on me because that would really hurt," he said.

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere. I love you," she said, looking deep into his eyes without looking away, not even for a second.

"Ok, well, there are just some things that have been on my mind that we should discuss. But we can't do it here because you get loud when you're excited, and I don't want you waking up my mom and her boyfriend and getting us caught."

"Look at you, always making jokes," she said, shaking her head and walking away.

After we got everything settled, we headed out to our favorite little spot in the park by the river. I borrowed my mother's car while she was asleep, intending to return it before she even notices it's gone. Cassie loves this park. She always says it's because of how the lights reflect off the water at night. Me? I just needed a quiet place to talk. When we sat down, we had a few drinks and shared our visions for our future together. Everything sounded perfect, but I need to know if she's been cheating on me with Lil Rob before we can truly move forward. The uncertainty is eating me alive.

"Baby, there's a question I've been wanting to ask you all night. It's been bothering me, and it's essential, so please be honest with me."

She looked like a child caught misbehaving. "I won't lie to you. What is it?"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Do you genuinely care about me?"

"Yes."

"Baby, have you been cheating on me the entire time we've been together? Cassie, please be honest."

"No, baby. Why would you think that? What made you think that?"

"Because I saw you in Lil Rob hugging and kissing before you got out the car, you could have just told me you were fuckin him, you didn't have to lie to me."

"No baby! I mean yeah I hugged him but I didn't kiss him and hell no I'm not fuckin him!

"Is that what you telling me?"

"No, me and Lil Rob is friends, we been friends since we were little kids, there ain't nothing going on between us."

"Your lying to me, why didn't you just tell me that shit instead of sneaking behind my back cheeping out his house and shit, lying about it."

"Baby I was going to tell you, but I didn't know how you would take it."

The more she lied to me, I could feel the anger and the rage inside me taking over and before I knew it, I punched her in the face, the first one making her fall to the ground, as I walked toward her, I could see a fear cover her face, she began to plead for me to stop, but it only fell on deaf ears I only wanted to unleash the pain on her that she had did to my heart, I climbed on top of her in one motion, pinning her down with my hand around her throat, punching and choking her until no motion was left in her body once she stopped breathing I realized I had went too far but still in my actions, I felt I didn't go far enough.

Lil Rob had to pay as well, so I pulled out the used condom he had used to fuck the girl on the side of the house at the party to put inside of Cassie so she could be filled with his DNA if she wasn't already, plus so she could get the justice she so deserve for this tragic crime against her.

I found a broken broom stick in the wooded area by the river and fucked her with it until I could see the blood drip off the tip. When I was done and in full satisfaction of healing my pain, I walked away looking over my shoulder, feeling no regret, as I got to the top of the hill, I could hear moans and groans coming from the wooded area I just left, damn she was still alive after everything I did. At that point I wished I could change what happen but now it was too late, I'm in to deep and have to finish the job.

I admired how strong she truly was but that would be no match for me, I was so much stronger. I walked back to the place where she was laying and just watched her choke on her own blood and fight to get a word out and once she did, I knew every day after this one, her words would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"Lamar (choking sound) Lamar (choking sound) please don't, don't do this!" She said showing real signs of pain.

My heart had hurt from the sight of her and thinking about what she did to me only made me hate her even more, I have no mercy for her, fuck her, just like she had no mercy for me, as I approached her, she began to try to kick as hard as she could, begging for her life and asking why, I couldn't help but to answer.

"Why, you ask why! Because you played me, why, because you were fuckin one of my boys behind my back, lying to my face, thinking you was going to get away with it, why, because I loved you and you broke my fuckin heart, shit, I gave you every chance in the world to just make shit right, but you didn't! No, you didn't!"

Before I left the house, I had filled a needle with the pure uncut heron that Lil Rob gave me, to test and build customers but now with everything going on I am deciding to use it on her instead, feel her veins with it, like she filled my heart with lies, she started fighting hard once she seen the needle, making it hard for me to be able to stick any of her vain, so I stabbed her over and over again until the needle was empty, I could see the drug taking effect, by the slowness in her movement and her eyes started to roll to the back of her head.

Once again I had fallen into a strong stage of rage, and by her not having enough strength to scream, gave me more confidence I had more time with her, I had to have more time with her, to truly end this love affair. I took the rest of the heron I had and crushed the bag, pouring it into her mouth and down her throat, then I covered her mouth until she could no longer fight any more, tears rolled down her face as her life slowly sliped away. She was overdosing hard and fast, there was nothing left in her to give.

When it was over, I kissed her on the cheek and wiped her tears away. I stayed until the end; after she died, I remained with her as long as I could. I knew in my heart I was going to miss her. She was my first love, but in the end, it's always business over personal matters. Besides her affair with Lil Rob, I had to cut my ties. Only in a perfect world could we have run off together and lived happily ever after. But this is the real world, and in the reality of things, Cassie's stepdad is a powerful man in the streets. It wouldn't be hard to link me to her. I understand that a father's love for a daughter is forgiving when they make mistakes; I, on the other hand, would not be that fortunate. I know he would kill me in a heartbeat. It came down to choosing between her or the money, so I chose the money, even though I loved her. The ride home was difficult. I kept picturing her face and the fear in her eyes. I had to stay composed in case people would start questioning me about her. Moreover, this was only one part of the job that needed to be completed.

When I got home, I thoroughly cleaned myself by taking a bleach bath. I didn't waste any time planning my next move; time was of the essence. I counted all the money that Cassie had stolen and given me; it amounted to a little over $250,000.00 in cash and 50 pounds of weed. I noticed that the money was wrapped uniquely, in a way only her stepdad would recognize. This detail could work in my favor. Even though it was late, I knew Lil Rob wouldn't turn down money, so I called him, and he agreed to meet up at his house. Upon my entrance, I sensed he wanted to ask why I was there, where Cassie was, and why I came alone. I addressed each query in my own manner. Before revealing the true reason for my visit, we chatted about how he committed the robbery to acquire the heroin. We exchanged stories and laughter.

Then, I shifted the conversation. "Lil Rob, that heroin is fire. I've been distributing it all over town, and now my phone won't stop ringing," I said, engaging him further.

"I told you it was top-notch, and I delivered for us. Now we can really rake in the profits," he responded, crossing his arms, a proud nod affirming his self-assurance.

"Speaking of money," I began, "I brought you ten bands to kick things off."

"Ten bands? How did you amass that so quickly? I just handed it over yesterday."

"I told you I had contacts waiting. They were eager, which is why I'm here so late, ensuring everything's in order. And you know how I operate: fast. A lot of them fronted the money because the product was exceptional. But heed my advice, don't splurge all at once. We might need it to stock up later."

From the look in his eyes, you could tell he had never held that much money before. If the mall was open tonight, he would be on his way to spend everything he had without hesitation. I pressed him to promise to hold on to the money until the dope was at least gone, and he agreed. I grabbed more of the heroin and headed for the door. From there, I went home and went straight to bed. The morning came quickly; the sun poked through the window, making me toss and turn to find comfort. Real rest was elusive. I could hear the news anchor discussing Cassie and how she was discovered by a jogger in the park early that morning. I imagined her being visible to everyone as soon as the sunlight hit the river. The way the anchor described the scene felt almost like I was hearing about it for the first time myself. Tears began rolling down my face, hitting my chest before I could wipe them away. I knew I had to get ahead of this situation. I think it's time to go see her stepdad and have a conversation.

Lil Rob:

Last night, I couldn't sleep at all. The excitement of the upcoming day kept me awake. I was eager to go shopping, but Lamar made me promise to save the money. He was right; I'll never accumulate anything if I keep spending everything. I need to set myself on a better path to prove my haters wrong, and $10,000 is a great start. As I pondered breakfast, I turned on the TV. A breaking news segment caught my eye. They were discussing a murder, so I quickly turned up the volume. The park the reporter was standing in was Cassie's and my favorite. We had frequented that spot since childhood. She loved the view it offered. But now, with the news of a girl being murdered there and discovered by a jogger that morning, I doubted Cassie would ever want to visit again. The anchor's description sent chills down my spine.

"Damn how could anyone do that type of shit to someone and why? There's plenty of pussy in this world, why in the hell do someone got to take it? That had to be what happen and that's sad."

Then the news talked about how the girl have been identified, then out of nowhere Cassie picture popped up on the TV screen, my heart went into my stomach and I instantly got sick. How in the hell could this happen to her, did Lamar do this and if so why? All I know is he was the last one she was with, so I pulled out my phone to call Lamar I had to get some answers, the phone rang over and over and then he answered.

"Lamar, what the fuck is going on?" I exclaimed, anger evident in my voice on the call.

"What do you mean, 'what's going on'? I just woke up not too long ago," he responded, feigning ignorance.

"Cassie's picture is all over the news. She was killed in the park last night, and a jogger found her body this morning."

"Man, quit playing! That can't be Cassie. She went home last night," he replied nonchalantly.

"Why? She told me she was going to spend the night with you!" I pressed, desperate for answers.

"Yeah, she was supposed to, but we had a fight last night. When I came to see you about our money move, she thought I snuck out to meet another bitch. I told her I went to meet you, but she didn't believe me. She got mad and left. When I get off the phone with you, I'll call her. We'll be fine."

"Bro, she's fuckin dead. There's no calling her. Tell me what's going on. Why did you do it? She was my best friend!"

Silence dominated the line. I could tell that Lamar was at a loss for words, but his next statement sent chills down my spine.

"Fuck you and that bitch! Were you fuckin with her behind my back? You're talking about being best friends now, but this is the first time I've heard you say that. I didn't even know you two knew each other, judging by how you behaved."

I had never seen Lamar act like this. The truth is, it unnerved me. If he could do this to Cassie, what might he do next? I decided I'd heard enough and called the police, fearing for my safety. I know about the street code—don't snitch, avoid involving the police—but this was about my best friend. If roles were reversed, I believed Cassie would've done the same for me.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"The girl who was killed in the park? I think I know who did it: Lamar."

Damn. As soon as I hung up, I knew I fucked up. "Why did I say that shit to Lil Rob?" As he talked about his friendship with Cassie, my emotions spiraled. Jealousy consumed me, picturing them together.

These wild emotions might just be my undoing. I needed to get to Cassie's stepdad's place quickly. I packed the money and the heroin Lil Rob had given me into a bag and called my uncle's girlfriend, Sharon, for a lift. Arriving at the house, cars lined the street. Sharon and I approached the door. After knocking, Cassie's mother answered.

"Who is it?" she asked, her voice heavy with grief.

"It's Lamar, ma'am."

Her gaze was soul-crushing, like all the life had been sucked out of her. "What is it, Lamar? There's a lot happening right now."

"Ma'am, I'm truly sorry for your loss. I loved Cassie deeply, and life won't be the same without her."

Tears streamed down my face. Cassie's mom hugged me tightly, trying to find comfort. Breaking our embrace, I asked to speak with Cassie's stepdad. She led me to him, and I found him clutching a photo of Cassie, his face etched with pain. His stare seemed to penetrate my soul.

"Sir, may I speak with you privately?"

"What about?" he replied, scrutinizing me.

"Sir, it's important that we talk alone," I insisted.

He slowly rose and led me to the basement. Once inside, his demeanor shifted.

"Alright, what the fuck is it, nigga? What the fuck do you want?" he demanded.

I opened my bag, spilling its contents onto a nearby table.

"I think Lil Rob is the one who killed Cassie!" I said, looking for his reaction to gauge my next move.

With one look at the money, Cassie's stepdad rushed at me, lifting me off my feet and slamming me against the wall. "What the fuck are you doing with my money? Don't lie to me. I won't hesitate to kill you," he said, staring deep into my eyes, searching for any sign of deceit.

"Lil Rob gave it to me," I managed to say. "He told me he'd robbed someone and would cut me in on the money if I'd sell this heroin for him."

"That doesn't make sense. Why would he give you money to make more money? And how did you link it to me?" As his grip tightened, making it harder for me to breathe, I had to think fast. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the tape recorder and played a clip of Lil Rob bragging about a robbery.

Hearing this, he slightly loosened his hold. Taking the opportunity to breathe and speak more clearly, I continued, "I talked to Cassie last night. She said Lil Rob was coming to pick her up. I kept asking why, but she wouldn't say. Later, Lil Rob called me, saying he had something for me. When I got to his place, Cassie was gone. He said they'd argued and she'd left. Something didn't add up, so when he was distracted, I recorded our conversation. That's when he told me about the robbery and handed me this bag. He said it was a new beginning for us, as long as I kept quiet."

The more I looked at him, the more I could tell the wheels had started turning in his head. All of a sudden, he put me down, went behind the desk, and looked at his computer. "You better not be lying to me, or I swear I'll kill your little ass in a heartbeat!"

"You have to believe me. I ain't lying. I'm just trying to do the right thing. I know Lil Rob is my boy, but Cassie didn't deserve this!" "What time did you last talk to her?"

"It was about 10:30 PM after I came into the house from playing basketball with my boy Mike D. So it had to be between 10:30 and 11:00 o’clock when he picked her up, because we didn't stay on the phone that long. She told me he was waiting outside for her." By the look on his face, I could tell he had found what he was looking for. I could see the rage in his eyes as he grabbed his pistol from his desk and headed my way.

"What are you doing? Please don't kill me! I'm not lying," I said, bracing myself for the first shot.

"I know. But you are going to kill that son of a bitch for me. If you don't, I'll take it as if you're with him, and then I'll kill both of you." When he said it, there was a look of fear in my eyes, but a sense of relief in my heart. My plan had worked after all. I had turned the tables. "So what's it going to be? You, him, or both of you?" he said, giving me a look that implied if I said the wrong thing, he'd kill me on the spot. I spoke up, but in a low tone. "It's going to be him, for sure."

"When is it going to be done? I'm not waiting long; this has to happen ASAP. Before the end of the night, you have my word." "Yeah, that's what I like to hear. But remember, if it's not done tonight, I'll be coming to see you in the morning." "Yes, sir."

"Make it messy. I want to see him on the news. I want his mother to feel the same pain I feel."

He turned the gun around and handed it to me. I looked him in the eye one last time before I tucked the gun into my pants and left him in the basement, lost in his thoughts. Once I got upstairs, I said my goodbyes to Cassie's mother. Then, Sharon and I headed out the door. In the car, I kept my face pinned to the window, knowing that if Sharon and I locked eyes, she'd have many questions.

"Could we turn some music on, please? This silence is killing me," I said, keeping my gaze on the window. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk? You know I'm here for you," she said, compassion evident in her eyes. All I could think was, if only she knew the truth about all this. "Not really. I just can't believe she's gone."

Sharon reached over and touched my hand to comfort me. She always looked so good to me. The more I looked at her and felt her touch, the more my feelings intensified. I could tell she noticed because of the change in her body language. At that moment, I didn't care. My mind, body, emotions, and thoughts were all over the place. I had to stay focused. I couldn't concentrate on her right now. I had so much ahead of me. She withdrew her hand quickly but not before casting me a disapproving look.

"Even in a situation like this, you still manage to be inappropriate. You and your uncle are just the same," she said, shaking her head.

She searched my eyes for an answer, but I had none. I just returned my gaze to the window. She wasn't used to me ignoring her. I could hear her taking a deep breath, trying to regain my attention, but it didn't work. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she began caressing my thigh, moving closer to my already aroused self. I responded to her touch, not realizing the control she exerted over me. After she withdrew, she swiftly went for my belt. She leaned in and kissed me, and I responded more eagerly than I expected. Just when I was lost in the moment, she suddenly pulled back. By the time my eyes adjusted to her movements, I realized she was holding the gun that Cassie's stepdad had given me.

"What the fuck are you doing with this gun?" she demanded.

"I need it for protection," I retorted. "Calm down, Sharon."

"Protection from what, Lamar? You better start explaining."

"It's nothing. I'm not fucking in street matters, and you can't pretend you don't know the dangers if you're not careful."

"I didn't know that. You obviously hide things well from me. But all I know is, I love you, and I don't want to see you get hurt out there."

"What kind of love do you have for me?" I challenged.

Confusion crossed her face as she tried to formulate an answer. That gave me the chance to snatch the gun from her.

"Just as I thought," I said. "Don't play both sides. Stay honest with me."

"What do you mean by 'both sides'?" she asked, genuinely intrigued.

"One moment you're acting like a mother, and the next you touching and kissing all on me; pick a side and stay there!"

She sat back in her seat, lost for words in the moment, as I reached for the door to get out .

"Lamar wait!"

After I shut the door behind me, I turned around to look back through the window to see what she had to say.

"What, Sharon?"

"Can you come over tonight? We need to talk more about this. And Lamar, all of this needs to stay between us, okay?"

She reached over and gave me one last kiss as her way of saying goodbye. I stood and watched as the car drove out of sight. Now that Sharon was gone, I had to finish my mission, the very last thing to make everything complete: killing Lil Rob. I reached into my pocket to look for my phone and couldn't find it. Damn, I must have left it in Sharon's car, and I have no way to call her back. I have to keep moving forward. I need to get this done, or Cassie's stepdad will come after me. And there's no telling what Lil Rob has been up to by now. I have to get to him before he spreads the word all over town or worse, goes to the police with what he knows.

I went into my house to get the rest of the money Cassie brought over. Just in case the police come, I wanted a clean house. I can't leave anything around that I can't account for. But the question is, where should I take it? I've never been good at lying to my grandmother. Plus, I know she wouldn't approve of this. If I told her the truth, she'd definitely see me as a monster. And she wouldn't be wrong, because that's what I've become, driven by nothing but greed.

Once I gathered my thoughts, the only place I could think of was Mike D's house. I knew he'd have questions when he saw the money but would be more excited about it because of his changed circumstances. That kind of attitude has always been a part of life. Nobody really gave a fuck as long as they get a cut.

When I got to Mike D's house, what I didn't expect was to see Lil Rob leaving out the back door. I watched him as he got into the car with his mom, wondering what might have been said. Once he and his mom were completely out of sight, I walked up to the door and knocked, dropping the duffel bag I had on my back and bracing myself for whatever was to come next. Lil Rob and Mike D have always been close. You have to be cautious with such bonds because people can take sides in an instant. I can't let my guard down. It's time to see whose side Mike D is really on.

When the door opened, Mike D ran out and hugged me. "Bro, where the hell have you been? I've been calling and texting your phone," he said with a concerned look in his eyes.

"Why? What's going on?" I said, feigning ignorance. Sometimes, playing dumb is better than revealing the truth.

"Lil Rob and his mom came around here asking questions, playing detective and shit! I acted as if I wasn't bothered, but deep down I truly was, this police ass nigga."

"So, what was the questions they were asking?"

"They were asking crazy ass shit like did you tell me that you killed Cassie? Would I lie for you and they kept saying you need to do what's right for Cassie, trying to make us witnesses or something. He even told me they had been friends since they were little kids, shit I never heard from him, which is weird being that we been friends since we were little, why keep that a secret? They probably were fucking!" He said moving past me to go into the refrigerator.

I walked in and threw the duffel bag in the closet and then I went to sit down on the couch. "So he thinks that I killed Cassie?"

"Well, yeah, that's what I been trying to tell you and from the way he was talking, I think they was on their way to the police station. I tried to talk him out of it but he wasn't listening to me."

"Man I ain't do that shit!"

"So why he thinks you the one who did that shit then Lamar? Come on now this me baby! You can keep it real with me I ain't gone rat you out."

"He probably trying to pin it on me because I confronted him about them fuckin around behind my back, but I really think he had something to do with it and now he trying to blame it all on me," I said while not sharing eye contact at all.

"Hold up wait! Lil Rob and Cassie was fuckin around?"

"I think so, she never told me they were childhood friends."

I caught myself on the next words, I almost told him what I had seen in the car that night he dropped her off, I got up and made a move to the door, I felt like I had said enough.

"Mike D I got to go, I'm just gone holla at you later," I said leaving out the door.

"Where you going? We still got a lot to talk about, just hold on I'll roll with you if you need me to," he said trying to get his things as fast as he could.

"I really just need to go somewhere to clear my head, but bro I'm good, I'm just going too caught up with you later."

Mike D searched my eyes to see if I really meant what I just said, once again I avoided eye contact then walked right pass him, I could feel him watching me till I was all the way out of sight, I never looked back, not even once until I hit the comer just in time to see him go back in the house.

I knew he didn't believe my story; there were to many holes in the middle but that was something I would have to deal with later, now I'm on my way to go see Lil Rob to finish this once and for all.

Sharon:

"Oh my God, I can't believe what I've just done."

Her heart pounded fast; her thoughts were all over the place. She didn't know what to do next. She really loved her uncle, but he was constantly in and out of jail. That wasn't an excuse, but coping with her loneliness had been tough.

"Oh my God, what do I do? What do I do?" she exclaimed.

Lost in thoughts about Lamar, something about him drew her in. Perhaps he reminded her of her uncle, or maybe it was pure curiosity clouding her judgment. But all she knew was that she needed him. It had been a long time since she'd been touched the way she longed to be. She needed to feel him, to have him close. As she sat in her car, staring out the window, she pondered what people would say if they discovered their affair. She had always been loyal in every relationship, but with Lamar, she didn't desire commitment. She wanted him to be her secret, provided he could keep it. She fretted over the age difference — the potential legal consequences. Yet, she believed that given his background, he wouldn't speak a word. She yearned to hear his voice. She contemplated texting him, but leaving messages could be risky. So she opted to call him to ensure he would come over that evening.

Ring, ring, ring!

When the phone began ringing, she heard another phone's ringtone from the passenger side. He had left his phone in the car. She picked it up, wondering if he had been trying to call it. With the music she'd been playing, she might have missed his calls. Temptation nagged at her: should she check his messages or respect his privacy? It felt as though a weight was pressing down on her, demanding she see what was in his phone.

Lamar:

By the time I reached Lil Rob's house, I was agitated. I took numerous detours to ensure I wasn't spotted going to or from his place. I wanted this ordeal to end. Though reaching his house was tricky, I was determined. Upon arrival, I observed the house was empty. Instead of hiding outside, I sought the spare key so I could wait inside. I intended to ambush them, ensuring they had little chance of escape. I would strike when they felt secure. I couldn't afford mistakes or leave any witnesses. If I did, it would mean my downfall. Every scenario replayed in my mind, making me increasingly uneasy. Food lost its flavor; I ate less and less until my appetite disappeared entirely. Ever since Cassie's death, I hadn't consumed anything. This deprivation was taking its toll. My survival depended on their fuckin demise. My thoughts overwhelmed me, as if the vessel containing them overflowed. Speaking my thoughts out loud became an unintended habit. "What am I so afraid of? I'm not afraid of shit! That's what!"

In reality, as long as he is alive, I will always fear for my life. You might ask why. It's because I'm worried about what he might do or say later. Living in fear of a fuckin witness for the State of Ohio is no way to live. What the fuck type of shit is that?

Before he entered the house, he checked his surroundings. Everything looked clear, so he proceeded inside. As he tried to adjust to the darkness, something moved too quickly for his eyes to track. The best decision would have been to turn around and leave, which he attempted. However, just as he took a step back, he felt a pistol press against the small of his back.

"Damn, I've walked right into a trap," I thought. Before I could turn to see who held me at gunpoint, the shadowy figure from the darkness caught up to me. Pow, pow, pow! The shots rang out, and pain surged through my body.

Sharon:

As I reached over to pick up his phone from the passenger seat, having battled with myself about it, his scent filled my nostrils. This intensified my longing for him with every passing minute. As I scrolled through his phone, I noticed a lot of missed calls and text messages from his friend, Mike D.

"Damn, he's blowing him the fuck up. What could be so urgent?"

When I opened the message, the first sentence set my heart racing.

"Lamar, this is Mike D. I need you to get back to me ASAP. Lil Rob's over here talking about turning you into the police for killing Cassie. He claims he dropped her off at your place last night and, hours later, she was found dead in the park. Call me, this shit is'nt making any sense. You have to tell me what happened!"

I read the message multiple times, my heart racing, my head feeling foggy, and my stomach churning. "Oh my God," I thought, "Could he really have done this? What am I going to do now? All I know is that he needs my help."

I started the car, made a U-turn, and sped towards Lamar's house to warn him. Simultaneously, I called Lamar's dad repeatedly, thinking he might know what to do in this situation.

Lamar:

Lil Rob and I both hit the ground, grappling for control of his gun. Pain surged through me from the impact of the fall. Bullets ricocheted everywhere, and I feared one might strike me. In a desperate move, I tried pulling Lil Rob towards the line of fire, hoping this would deter the shooter. But it only seemed to enrage Lil Rob further, making her even more determined to end me.

"Pow, pow! I'm going to kill you motherfucker!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

As we continued to fight I could hear the sirens coming in the distance, I knew I had to get out of there.

"Come on Rob; get the motherfucker!"

At this point, I could tell that I was running out of time and wasn't gaining control. So I did the only thing left for me to do: let go and reach for my own gun.

The gun went off into Lil Rob's stomach.

"Nooo!" Lil Rob's mother screamed after she saw that he was hit.

His body went limp on top of me. As I rolled him over, fighting to get to my feet, his mother rushed at me. At that moment, I was staring down the barrel of a gun, but I couldn't see my end, so I just closed my eyes. I heard the click of the empty gun just inches from my face. I reached up and fired two shots in return: one catching her in the neck, the other landing squarely in the middle of her chest, knocking her instantly to the ground, silencing any words left for her to say. I closed the distance between us, maintaining eye contact with her before releasing a barrage of bullets into her, ending any hope for an open casket. Then I turned and ran into the woods, leaving them both behind without looking back, not even for a second.

Detective Rainwater and Detective Cooper responded to a "shots fired" call over the radio. They activated the sirens and sped through every light in their path, trying their best to get to the scene as quickly as possible.

"What the hell is going on here?" said Detective Rainwater, with a strong look of anger on his face.

"I don't know, but this whole week has been fucking crazy, especially the killing of the little girl in the park. God, she had so much life left to live. And then for the boy and his mother to come in and make a statement about a 13-year-old boy doing all this—it's literally blown my mind. I didn't even think of this kind of shite when I was 13. Damn, if this is true, this kid is a monster that has to be stopped, Rainwater. We need to get this kid off the streets!" said Detective Cooper.

The detectives pulled into the driveway and saw a body laid out. The address clicked into Detective Rainwater's mind, and he thought about the little boy and his mother who had just come downtown to make a statement at the station earlier. Before the car could come to a complete stop, Detective Rainwater was out and on his feet, rushing to see what had happened. It was clear he was too late for the mother; she was already gone. She had experienced overkill, having been shot so many times that blood was pouring out of her from everywhere. The detectives didn't even know where to start if they wanted to. When Rainwater looked at her son, he saw there was still some movement. He rushed over to try to save the young man's life. As soon as Lil Rob saw the detective, he tried hard to speak, but blood began to pour out of his mouth uncontrollably.

"Take it easy, son. Help is on the way. Don't try to talk, just stay with me. Help will be here as soon as they can," Detective Cooper said as he tried his best to keep Lil Rob alive.

"La, Lam, La, Lamar!"

"Hold on, son. Stay with me," the detective said, fearing they might lose him if help didn't arrive soon.

"La, Lam, Lamar," Lil Rob managed to say.

"Is this the one who did this to you, son?" said Detective Rainwater, trying to keep the boy's eyes open.

Then, out of nowhere, Lil Rob started slipping away, and before anyone knew it, he was gone. With his eyes still open, staring into the sky, he had taken his last breath.

"God damn it, Cooper!" Detective Rainwater exclaimed, getting up to punch at the air. He kicked a garbage can over, sending its contents scattering across the driveway.

"Calm down, Rainwater. This is now a crime scene!"

"We have to stop this little bastard from killing anyone else," Detective Rainwater said, pacing back and forth over Lil Rob's lifeless body.

"We don't know for sure if he was the one who did this!"

"You got to be fucking kidding me! We know he did this shit! It was the boy last fuckin dying words and not to mention, these two just came down to the station earlier to make a statement against him, so that's motive! Then a couple hours later their fuckin dead! For Jesus Christ put two and two together, this is an open and shut case, you don't have to be a fucking rocket scientist Cooper!" Before Detective Cooper could say another word, Detective Rainwater stormed down the drive way and jumped into the car.

"Where are you going Detective?"

"I'm going to bring that little bastard in for questioning!"

"But we don't have all of the facts just yet, we can't mess this up because how we feel about this, we shouldn't just rush into things, let's do this by the book."

It was almost as if he didn't pay him any attention.

"I have to set eyes on this motherfucker and just maybe I can get him to tell me something," Detective Rainwater said to himself as he were pulling out the drive way.

Lamar: As soon as I got home, my mind was all over the place. I had to get rid of the gun and the clothes, and also needed to take a shower. I began pouring bleach on myself to try to remove any gunpowder residue from my hands and anywhere else it might have landed on my body. If anything Mike D said was true, I knew the police would be on their way here soon. Never before had I been so careless. I couldn't turn my brain off, not even for a second. I racked my brain, wondering if I'd left any evidence behind at the scene. Since I hadn't really gone all the way into the house when this happened and we were outside, I began to worry about various things. What if someone saw me? Now, I'd have to deal with another potential witness. However, I wouldn’t know how to handle them if I didn't know who they were.

This was supposed to be the resolution of this situation, but as time passed, things were becoming increasingly fucked up for me. I needed to talk to May-so; he would know what to do next. As I searched the house for my phone, I couldn't find it anywhere. What if I'd left it at their house? Shit, I was panicking. I rushed to the landline, trying to recall his number. I knew I shouldn't call him from there, but I felt disoriented, as if everything was falling apart. Before I could finish dialing, there was a forceful knock on the door.

Boom, boom, boom! "Police!"

The voice was aggressive and demanding, suggesting that if I didn't answer immediately, they'd forcibly enter.

Boom, boom, boom! "Open up, Lamar, we just want to ask you some questions!" one officer said, his tone dripping with disbelief.

Peering out the window, I saw two plain-clothed officers by the door, their hands firmly on their weapons. Any wrong move, and I was certain they wouldn't hesitate to shoot. Evaluating my options, which were limited, I opened the door. As I did, they drew their guns.

"Get your hands up or I'll shoot, motherfucker!"

"I thought all you wanted to do was talk!" I said as I watched their every move. I could feel the blood drain from my face. This might just be the beginning of my end. Now I know what May-so would say; I could hear him loud and clear in the back of my mind: "Lamar, say less."

Sharon: As I was flying through the traffic lights, trying to keep my composure in check, I started approaching the house. I could see the cop car lights flashing from a distance.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I can't help but to scream out loud and take my frustration out on the steering wheel, like I were beating a high school drum. As I get closer, I could see them putting Lamar into the car and for the first time to me, he really looked his age, scared and more alone than ever. I didn't stop at the house, I have to go get him some help, I couldn't break down right now I know he needed me more than ever and if anybody will know what to do, his dad will.

Lamar:

As I sit in this room with the mirror staring back at me, it gives me a chance to work on my expressions. I wanted to show no weakness, but the ones I needed to display the most were confusion and fear. They might capitalize on that; it was the only card I had left to play. If not, I might end up in prison for the rest of my life. The longer they took to enter the room, the more confident I became that they didn't truly have anything on me. At this point, I'm choosing to hide behind my age, which is, at the moment, my only defense. There's no telling what Lil Rob told them.

"Hello, Lamar Wright. My name is Detective Rainwater, and this is Detective Cooper. We want to ask you some questions about some murders."

"Somewhat?" I replied, looking into his eyes, trying to show a facade as if I'd been touched by the fear of God.

"Yes, some murders. First, let me ask you, how do you know Cassie Humphrey?" said Detective Rainwater.

"She's a good friend of mine. I mean, she was a good friend of mine."

"When was the last time you saw her? Be honest because we'll know if you're lying. We have evidence that we can cross-reference with your story."

"I don't know, maybe a few days ago."

With each question, they moved closer and closer to me until I was trapped between the two of them, their words becoming more aggressive. I could feel their breath on my neck. They pulled out pictures of Cassie's lifeless body to gauge my reaction, pushing me around and threatening my life and freedom repeatedly. I remained silent. May-so's words echoed overpoweringly in my mind: "Lamar, say less." I told them I wanted to call my mom and started to cry uncontrollably, thinking it might help, but it didn't. I knew their actions were illegal. They weren't even supposed to speak to me without an adult present. I'm a minor!

I needed to understand what they had on me, regardless of the risk. It wasn't until they mentioned not only Lil Rob and his mom but also Money Mo that I realized the gravity of the situation from all sides. They had my attention. Sitting upright in my seat, I wiped my face and uttered the words I should have said hours ago, words that could have ended this ordeal: "I want to talk to a lawyer."

I watched as their faces drained of color. Still, there was an attempt to disregard my request. Suddenly, the door burst open, and my father, accompanied by an unidentified white man, entered the room, demanding their attention.

"Stop this! Enough! You should be ashamed of yourselves, speaking to my client without an adult or an attorney present. I could have both of you disciplined for this," the attorney exclaimed, pointing angrily at the detectives.

The detectives looked cornered, as though they'd breached a significant rule.

"I was just asking him a few questions. No harm done," Detective Rainwater defended.

"He's not under arrest. He could have left anytime he wanted. We were just asking questions," Detective Cooper added.

Detective Rainwater elbowed him subtly, as if signaling him to remain silent.

But it was too late. Detective Cooper's words ignited fury in the attorney's eyes, evident for all to see.

"You got to be fuckin kidding me! You have no evidence against my client, yet you have him here hand cuffed to a chair saying he's been free to go the whole time! He's a minor there is no adult present showing him pictures of the murder victims, with that alone is enough to kiss both of you guys fuckin careers goodbye! Now fuckin release him out of them cuffs and believe me, you will not be hearing the last of this, as a matter of fact don't be surprised if we don't file a lawsuit against your whole department for this!"

Detective Rainwater released me and took a step back to get out of my way. We locked eyes for a second, and I could see the determination in his gaze. At that moment, I knew this wouldn't be the last time we'd encounter each other.

The entire ride home, my dad was on my case, acting as if he'd been there from the beginning and had never left. I couldn't hold my tongue; I had to speak up.

"Dad, what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean 'what's up with me'? What the hell's wrong with you? You've gotten yourself into some mess. What if you hadn't given me that money? I wouldn't have been able to afford a lawyer for you!"

"Thank you! But the truth is, I didn't ask you to handle any of that. I've got everything under control; they have no evidence against me."

"Do you mean they have nothing because you didn't commit the crime, or because they didn't find any evidence?"

I didn't answer. Instead, I stared out the window, expressionless. I wasn't sure if I could trust him with the truth. I felt the need to respond, but I didn't want to leave things unresolved.

"Dad, I didn't do it, and you know I'd tell you if something was up."

He looked at me with disbelief, struggling to find words. It seemed he was dancing around the main issue. I just listened.

"Son, I care about you. I love you. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. But I'm scared. The police must have had a reason to approach you. Now, listen. I know you've saved some money. You need to tell me where it is. Not for me to keep, but just in case you need my help again."

Once more, I remained silent. Over the next couple of weeks, he repeated this line of questioning. Regardless of him being my father, I couldn't share that information. To put the topic to rest, I told him my mom was holding onto my money. Things settled down for a bit. With all the commotion, I pulled Mike D and Lil Will into the hustle and laid low, knowing the police would be vigilant. One day, while hanging out with a few friends and enjoying the weather, I received a call from my dad. He said he needed to meet in person, which seemed urgent.

My mind raced, trying to anticipate the purpose of his sudden visit. Not long after our call, he arrived, frantically signaling for my attention. After parking, he gestured for me to join him in the car. As I approached, I noticed a woman I didn't recognize in the passenger seat. It felt strange.

After getting on the road, he introduced us. As he spoke, I searched his eyes for clues. I recognized the look, but it was one I'd seen only in addicts. Was he under the influence?

"Dad, why did you call me? You sounded like you had urgent news."

"I do. But first, I want both you and your mom to sit down and discuss this. Also, do you have your gun? Can I see it?"

"Why involve Mom? And why do you want my gun? What's troubling you?"

He became frustrated. "Give me your gun! There's a situation, and we need to stick together. I'll explain everything later."

Reluctantly, I handed him my Glock 17. After doing so, I felt uneasy. His eyes displayed a hunger and greed I had only seen in my own reflection. The unsettling thought crossed my mind: would my own father try to rob me?

As we approached what he believed was my mother's apartment, I quickly glanced at the unfamiliar woman beside me. Just as I parked, a gunshot echoed. In a panic, I tried to exit the car but was interrupted by two more shots, followed by an intense pain in my back. I realized I'd been shot. As I lay bleeding on the ground, my father loomed over me, my own gun aimed at my forehead.

"We need to go, now!" the woman shouted.

"Quiet, Robin!" my father snapped, eyes locked onto mine.

"Dad, why are you doing this?"

"I fuckin hate you! If your momma wasn't a virgin, I would've never claimed you! Now I need that money so where is it before I shoot you in the face!"

"Is this what this is about, money?"

I could feel my body getting weaker and weaker with each and every passing minute, was this it? Was this the end for me? Was all I could think about as I stared down the other side of the barrel.

"Ok fuck it then, you ain't got to tell me, I'll follow your momma home after your funeral!"

Then another shot rang out coming within inches of my head, I back paddle as much and as fast as I could to try to get away but the pain from the shots would not let me move any farther.

"Where the fuck is the money and put some speed on it, I'm not going to miss the next shot mafucka!" He said as he was walking me down to finish me off.

Before I could open my mouth I could see the police bending the corner but would they make it in time before he finished the job, my eyes began to get heavy and before I knew it I was out, the next time I opened my eyes I was lying on the doctors table and the doctors and nurses were pumping on my chest, tubes were going down my throat, I could feel pain but the pain from my heart over powered the shots I just took.

"Hurry! Hurry! We're losing him! We need to get him to the ER!"

My soul had been crushed by my dad's betrayal. Mentally, I died on that table. I lost all taste for love. My own father didn't want to spare my life; instead, he set me up to rob and then kill me. He even planned my funeral in his head. I left $50,000 in my momma's house to throw the robbers off my trail. In their minds, that was a lot of money. I knew they would have thought they'd taken everything I had. That was something I learned from Money Mo. All I know now is I need to get out of this hospital before the police come asking questions, but I can't move, and my eyes are so heavy. I did the only thing I could: lay there and rest. When I opened my eyes, the detectives were standing over me, questioning the nurses about my condition.

"Who did this to you?" was the first question they asked before I could fully open my eyes.

As they searched my face for answers, I searched my thoughts for what's next. While they talked to me, the voices in my mind overpowered every word they said. A part of me had stepped outside my body, and I felt I was no longer in the room.

"Mr. Wright, you have to tell us something, or we can't help you. The person is still out there. Who knows if they'll try to come after you again? They could kill you next time. Does what happened today relate to what we questioned you about before? Maybe they're trying to get revenge on you for something."

Without saying a word, tears started running down my face. All I could do was look in the direction of the window. I had nothing to say, and there was nothing they could do or say to change that. For the next few days, the detectives kept coming, but nothing changed. I had nothing for them. My mom was with me the whole time, never leaving my side. I wanted to tell her what happened, but I couldn't. If she truly knew, she'd be the first to involve the police. She's different from me; she'd want to see him locked up, but that's not enough for me. I want him dead. After leaving the hospital, I didn't want to go home. I wanted to go to the only place I felt safe, where no one would look for me: my Grandma Vickie's house. She and May-so were the only ones I could trust. My head was messed up, and Grandma Vickie would know what to do. When I walked into her house, I felt nothing but love. We sat on the back porch and talked about everything. During our conversation, I would sometimes break down and cry. My heart ached in so many ways. We discussed what I should do next. But it was something Grandma Vickie said that stood out: "Never gamble with your life, especially when it comes to love. Love will blind you every time."

Those words echoed in my mind repeatedly, burning a hole in my brain. I needed to refocus. Instead of rushing decisions, I chose to lay low, and I did just that. Five years passed, and no one from the old neighborhood saw me. I vanished overnight. My grandmother set me up in a secluded spot. She helped me regain my health and strength. The bullets had done significant damage. The detectives remained persistent, constantly visiting my mother's house. Leaving made me seem guiltier, but I had to clear my head. I couldn't stay away forever. On my first day back, I planned to visit my friend Mike D. It had been five years, and I wondered how life had treated him. I tried visiting his house, but he and his brother had moved after their grandmother's death. She had been battling cancer, and things worsened after I left.

I got Mike D's number from some guys who hung out near the store. I called several times without an answer. After a few days, he called back. He said he found my number while checking missed calls. Rumors said that Mike D and Lil Will had taken over the streets in my absence. Mike D made his money, but Lil Will seemed to be the one in charge. I was surprised by the changes since I left. They told me how they started their operation after I dropped off drugs and money at their house. Lil Will took some of both, and his life changed from that day. I wasn't upset since a significant portion was for them anyway. I didn't anticipate the shit going wrong, making it hard for me to return and claim my share. When Mike D visited, we reminisced about old times. It felt like ages since our last meeting. But suddenly, his demeanor changed.

"Man, Lamar, I've got some shit to tell you. I almost let it slip my mind!"

I instantly suspected he was going to start bullshitting me when it came to the money he owed me, something I wouldn't tolerate.

"Is this about the money you owe me? I hope your next words are about payment. I'm not in the mood for any nonsense."

Mike D looked shocked. "Bro, I've got your money and more! You don't have to worry about me cheating you, especially over money. I love you, man!"

"All right, what's up then? What's the deal?"

Mike D stepped closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. Even though we were alone, he acted as if we were surrounded by a room full of people.

"Bro word around town is this nigga named Skillz been laying on you, waiting for you to slip."

"What you mean?"

"He been telling mafucka's around town that you had something to do with some guy named Money Mo getting killed."

"What! Man nigga please! Skep Dollar went to prison for that body! I was cool with Money Mo he was like a mentor to me in the hustle game but I ain't have shit to do with that shit! I was just alLil nigga when he died. People always running they mouth about shit they think happen, putting bullshit out in the air for another mafucka to smell it!"

"No! no! no! he telling mafucka's he saw you driving Money Mo car that morning he got killed, he said it was real early and you were going into the house with some big ass black garbage bags and might I add, he said Money Mo was worth a couple of million."

"And you believe this bullshit?" I asked with playful eyes.

"Hell naw, I told him he must got the wrong person in mind because you ain't got no money, especially no millions I know you would of rode off into the sunset by now!"

We both laughed at what Mike D had said, but in truth I knew this shit meant more trouble coming my way, I thought I got away clean but I guess I didn't and now I have to go see about Skillz.

"Bro, you've got to show me who he is. I don't want someone around me if I don't know who he is, especially if he has beef with me. Shit, that's like giving your life away."

"No, bro, it's not going to come to that. We're going to get ahead of that. Don't worry," Mike D said as he patted my back.

We tried to get ahead of it. For weeks, all we did was slide, hide, and move, searching for Skillz. We stalked his usual spots, robbed all the blocks he was known to hustle on, and, without mentioning a name, sent a message. He'd know it was me. He'd poked a sleeping bear with his nonsense. Once he talked about me personally, everything that would happen next was going to be real personal.

We moved around a bit more, but Skillz never showed his face. I thought either he ran because he knew I was looking for him or he was truly patient when it came to war. Neither option bothered me. What did bother me was not knowing who he was or how he looked. Eventually, we stopped robbing Skillz's people and hunting him. We returned to making money, breaking down everything we took in the robberies and grinding it out, just waiting to see if he'd show up.

Lately, my days have been bright. I've been drinking, eating BBQ, and relaxing. The trap was buzzing, the licks were frequent, and so many people came that we stopped locking the door. But something felt off. It seemed things were good just before they turned to shit.

Our guard had been down. Mike D, Lil Will, and I discussed restarting our search for Skillz. We believed he'd surfaced by now. I sent Lil Will to the store for drinks and cigars. We had a couple of girls over, and I hoped to unwind. As Lil Will was leaving, two guys pushed past him into the house. One of the guys I knew from 1300 block but the other guy I never seen before, the one I knew from 1300 block, I didn't even know his name but he was a real common face around the area, we never did business before, it's not even clear to me how he would even know where I live, but then again this is a word-of-mouth hustle, everybody buys weed from us so it ain't no secret where people could find us. What bother me was the look in the other guy's eyes that made me feel unsettled, I tried to find a reason for this feeling but I couldn't, damn I just couldn't.

"Hey, what's up? How can I help you?" I said, watching their every move.

"What's up, Lamar? I just came to grab something to smoke before the Lakers game tonight. Had a long day at work," the guy from the 1300 block said, avoiding eye contact.

I couldn't take my eyes off the intense-eyed guy. He locked the door behind him. I noticed Mike D was in another room. My gun lay on the table. Should I reach for it or stay calm? After all, I could just be over reacting or really fuckin slippin!

"Yeah, I've got you," I replied, "But take it slow with this shit. It'll put you right to sleep."

"Come on, this is B Luck you're talking to. I smoke constantly. Not much can put me to sleep."

As B Luck approached, the other guy stayed in the corner, silent. I heard Mike D approaching and decided to reach for my gun discreetly. I didn't want to seem threatening, nor did I want to be vulnerable. I bagged some for B Luck. Just as I handed it over, Mike D walked in.

"Skillz! What are you doing here?"

Upon hearing the name, fear gripped me. I reached for my gun, but Skillz drew two Glocks from under his shirt. Damn, I had been caught off guard, I faced his guns, uncertain of the next move, just waiting on it to click or flash; whichever one comes first.

"Hey! If you reach for that gun, Lamar, I swear I'll shoot you in the fuckin face!" Skillz warned, moving swiftly.Top of Form

My first thought was to fight, but if I made the wrong move, I knew things could get really messy. I had to put my mind to work before it ended up being too late. When I looked to the left, I saw Jazz crying, begging for them to let her go, shaking uncontrollably. When I looked to the right, B Luck had started beating Mike D repeatedly over the head with his gun, trying to get him to lie on the floor. For a moment, I was deafened by the chaos; what snapped me back to reality was the gun smashing against my head.Bottom of Form

"Smack! Smack!" Skillz hit me to get my attention.

"You hear me, motherfucker? Where's that shit at before I kill you?"

I played dumb, hoping it would buy me some time to think. "Bro, what shit?" I said, as if I didn't know.

"Motherfucker, you know what shit I'm talking about! Oh, you think I'm playing?"

The look in his eyes told me in so many words that playing around with him would be the wrong thing to do. He gave me a vibe like he was itching to kill something. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I've got to do something!

"Oh, so you want to act stupid, huh? Like I didn't see you that morning Money Mo got killed, carrying them bags. At first, I didn't think anything of it when I saw you, until he popped up on the news and the car I saw you driving ended up set on fire in front of Money Mo's right-hand man's house."

"Skillz, what the fuck are you talking about? They caught the guy who did that shit to him!"

"Yeah, they caught him, but he couldn't have done that shit alone. When they caught him, he didn't even have a car. How did he kill Money Mo's momma and daughter, then go to Money Mo's house and kill him and his wife with no car? The bus? A cab? Lol. No, what I think is you were driving and you got greedy, ending up leaving homeboy. He gets caught so you can keep all the money to yourself," he said.

"Skillz, man, you're crazy! I don't have any money! If I had the type of money that Money Mo had, I wouldn't still be grinding out here in the streets. I would've moved my family out of here already!"

"Tell me anything, huh? I should just kill you right now and just say, 'fuck this money!'" He said, with hate in his eyes.

As I tried to get the blood out of my eyes, he pointed the gun at my head. He looked as if he was moving in closer for the kill. I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst.

"Skillz! Skillz! Come on, bro, we can't kill them. We need to get our hands on that money! We didn't come here to catch a body for nothing. Come on, man, don't kill him!" B Luck pleaded with Skillz to spare my life, which bought me some time to think.

Neither one of us spoke, and I could see they were growing angrier by the minute. They had us face down, tied up on the floor. I knew they'd been here a while, and it was clear they hadn't found what they were looking for. I needed to act before it was too late.

"Skillz! B Luck! Come here! Let me talk to you," I said, trying to pick myself up from the floor.

They rushed back into the room, like vicious animals looking for prey. "What's up, motherfucker? You have something to tell us?"

"I can show you where the money is, but you have to untie me. Let everyone go, and I'll lead you to it."

Pow! Pow!

"Oh, you think this shit is a game, huh? You think you can make demands as if you have a choice in this bitch? Giving up the money or ending up in a body bag by the time I leave – those are your only real choices!"

He fired a shot past my head, nearly hitting my face.

"What the fuck, bro!" I exclaimed, trying to move away from him.

My ears rang, and Skillz began beating me. I started to lose consciousness. "Get the fuck up! Alright, you know what?"

Skillz moved behind the girl Mike D was with and placed the gun against her head. "Fuck the games," he said, and pulled the trigger. The bullet entered the back of her head and exited through the front, spraying her brains all over the wall and onto Mike D, who stood beside her. She was dead before she even hit the ground.

"Keep pretending you don't know what's happening. I'll kill everyone here and save you for last," Skillz threatened, bloodlust evident in his eyes.

"Alright, alright! I'll take you to the money. Just don't hurt anyone else."

He untied me and walked me to a bedroom in the back. I never stopped talking and kept my eyes on him the entire time. When we approached the closet, which had a decoy stash I had set up, I tried to open the door, but Skillz pushed me against the wall.

"Listen closely, motherfucker ! If you try anything, I won't hesitate to fuckin kill you. Did you see what I did to that bitch? Think I'm joking if you want."

He forced the gun into my mouth and down my throat causing me to choke, I started to fight back as much as I could without forcing him into pulling the trigger.

"I been watching you for years, and you pretty smart; you got that money put up somewhere good and you think you about to give me some dummy pack and we gone run off, no! No! Noooo!"

"That's not how this is going to work. Depending on how good the dummy bag is, it will determine whether I'll let your friends live or not. Then, I'm going to take you with me and torture you every day until you show me where the real bag is. Now come on, get that!" he said, pushing me toward the closet. He gave me a little space, but not too much. He watched every move I made. But I had to try something. Right next to the bag of money was a small .380, locked and loaded. I knew he was watching me closely. If I reached for the gun, he might notice and shoot me. I needed a distraction.

I reached down, opened the bag, and then stepped back. "Take this, Skillz! It's not worth my life!"

He struck me with the butt of his gun. "Get that shit, you think I will let you get behind me? Do you think I'm a stupid motherfucker?"

He pushed me down, closer to the bag, just as I had hoped. As I regained my balance, I grabbed the gun with one hand and the dummy bag with the other. I hid the gun behind the bag. As soon as he saw the money spilling out, he lowered his weapon and reached for the bag. That's when all hell broke loose. I threw the bag in the air and fired three shots: one to his face and two to his chest. Despite my shots, he managed to fire back, narrowly missing me and hitting the wall. I tried to fire again, but my gun jammed. Seeking cover, I dashed to the bathroom. After unjamming the gun and returning to the room, I saw another figure. Without thinking, I fired and retreated to the bathroom.

The scream that followed told me I'd made a mistake. I shot Jazz in the leg, and she was bleeding profusely. As I made my way past her, she begged me not to abandon her. In the hallway, I saw Skillz lying motionless in a pool of blood. Mike D had deserted me. From the window, I saw B Luck limping. I fired shots, causing a chaotic scene below. As I was about to dispose of our stash, the police arrived. They apprehended me, and medics attended to Jazz. The scene was a disaster: one dead woman in my living room, Skillz dead in the stairwell, Jazz injured, and evidence against me everywhere. As they worked on Jazz, she kept murmuring, "What did you do, Lamar? Lamar, what did you do?"

Damn it looks like I'm in some deep shit, all by myself! Mike D ran off so it's my story is the only story that will be told, I didn't get the chance to get rid of all the pounds of weed. I don't think I'm gone get away with this one. I know I'm going to have to do some time in prison for this. I got to fight this that's all I know. I could get life from the bodies alone. They picked me up and walked me down to the car, the whole time I could feel my legs getting weaker and weaker with each step. They passed the county jail, so I knew right then, this was going to be a long night. I had no one to call, to get me out of this and that hurt me bad, I knew those Detectives was going to want a part of me even dough time had passed. I know they hadn't forgot shit how could they!

"Look who we have here! Where the hell have you been? Long time no see, Mr. Wright," he sneered.

"How are you, Detective?"

"Knew you'd resurface. Predators always need to hunt, right?" said Detective Rainwater.

"Detective, this isn't a fuckin movie," I replied, struggling to keep my anger in check.

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Boy I'm so glad that you fuckin know the difference between fake and real life! We finally got something that will stick to your ass like glue, from what I hear there was bodies all over the place and they caught you with a smoking gun, your ass is done if you ask me," he retorted.

"Detective, I'm the victim here. They broke in to rob me."

"You killed him and the girl, and severely injured the other guy. We know the other guy who escaped your wrath," Detective Cooper said, shaking his head.

"The wrath I unleashed? What are you talking about?" I replied, my face contorted in confusion.

"Come on! Don't play innocent. Lamar, your friend B Luck gave a statement. He told us everything that happened from start to finish. I don't think he left out a single detail."

I couldn't help but laugh, although in my mind, I was consumed by thoughts. I was incredulous that he had tried to rob me and now he was collaborating with the police. He gave a statement against me, inverting the events. Everything they did to me, he claimed I did to them. He even said he'd testify, asserting that Mike D killed Skillz, and I killed the girl and shot him as he tried to flee.

At the moment, Mike D is on the run so I'm fucked until they get his side of the story. I said nothing. But I won't lie; I'm curious how Mike D will react when he learns that he's accused of killing Skillz, especially when he knows he's innocent. It's not my responsibility to clarify things. Now that they can't pin the girl's death on me, thanks to Jazz—who was injured but can vouch for me—it means she must. Apart from Mike D and B Luck, she's the sole survivor. Shit is messy; I demanded a lawyer, which halted the interview.

Shortly after, the detectives arrested me and escorted me to a cell. The sound of the door shutting felt oppressive. The dimly lit cell was suffocating. Sleep evaded me as I pondered my next move. Morning seemed like an eternity away. Suddenly, the door opened, signaling breakfast time. The diverse group of inmates ranged from homeless individuals and drug addicts to those incarcerated for serious crimes like me. The atmosphere was thick with tension and despair. I had to be cautious and observant. One particular inmate named Low constantly hovered around me, interrupting my conversations. It felt as though he was sizing me up.

After a week, he revealed that someone named Skep Dollar was spreading rumors that a nigga named Lamar Wright had framed him. I cautiously probed Low for details. He mentioned that Lamar had a bounty on his head.

"How much is the bounty?" I inquired, half-jokingly. "Shit, maybe I should claim it myself. Did he ever explain how Lamar supposedly set him up?"

"Yes, he did mention it."

"If I fuckin knew what he said, I wouldn't be asking!" I snapped.

"Damn hold on bro, you acting like you mad, or like you know the dude or something! Fuck you talking about?"

"If you know this mafucka or if you are that mafucka let it be known, that's what I'm talking about!" Low said as he approached me.

"I smacked him, ready to put this shit in its place before it got out of hand."

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're acting like you want some work!" I said, ready to swing on him again.

He backed down and began to stay in his place. In this place, you have to show your strength; you can't have a weak moment. People will take advantage of that. Over these last couple of days, I've learned a lot.

Skep Dollar painted me as a rat, spreading rumors in the jail and possibly throughout the whole prison where he's at. Yes, I set the nigga up, but that was only to take the fall. I've never testified against anyone, and I never will. I know I have to put a stop to this because one thing I've never been is a rat. I just play the game how it was taught to me and live by the code of the streets – a code that can't be broken.

A few days and a few hundred calls later, I made bond. One of the only people who truly love me helped out. I had no one else to turn to. I knew she would be there, and she came, but she wasn't happy.

"Hi, Grandma," I said.

"Don't 'fuckin hi, Grandma' me! Get your ass in this car. What the fuck are you doing?" She asked, anger evident in her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"What the hell do you mean? You've been in the streets all this time and nobody told you about the squeeze? Can't handle pressure? So you're on my line, blowing up my phone for me to come get you, still up to the same old shit? When will enough be enough? Will you learn only when they kill you or lock you up for life? You have money. What more do you want? Why can't you just stay out of trouble?"

"No, Grandma, it's not like that. I just didn't have anyone else to call."

"Then sit the fuck still! Do you think I don't know what's going on with you in the streets? I'm always watching out for you, working behind the scenes. But the moment you feel a little pressure, you crack."

"Okay, I get it. I won't do that again. I'll be patient. But I haven't said anything. I didn't want to stay in jail."

"I get that, but now they might target me, monitor our finances, all to get to you. Posting your bond cost a lot!"

Lost in thought, I laughed, but she was right. I hadn't considered all that. I can't get her involved in this. Grandma Vickie is always on her toes. I've learned a lot from her about how to navigate situations. Speaking of which, I need to see Jazz. I heard while I was locked up that she's only 17. Her mother's trying to make her testify, and not in my favor. If this happens, things could turn really bad for me. As soon as I got to my grandma's house, I borrowed her car to confront this. After explaining the situation, I went to see Jazz. She was genuinely glad to see me. As we smoked in the car, she avoided discussing the case, but I pressed her.

"Jazz, what's up? I need you to be honest with me."

She looked worried but tried to brush it off.

"Why do you keep asking? Lamar, what's this about?"

"Jazz, the word around town is that you plan to testify against me."

"That's what my mom wants, but I'm not sure."

"What's there to be unsure about? If not for me, we'd all be dead! You know that, right?"

"She's forcing me to testify."

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I can't go to jail!"

I pulled out my .40 caliber and laid it on the car's armrest. Seeing the gun, Jazz stuttered.

"I... I don't want you locked up, Lamar. I love you."

As she backed into a corner, my mind told me to kill her. I thought about silencing her permanently, but we've been friends since childhood. Instead, I paid her off. Yet, I felt my leniency would backfire.

Two days later, I was arrested for murder and marijuana possession. As soon as I was booked, I found out Jazz was the prosecution's star witness. With each court date spaced 15 months apart, I had time to educate myself and reconnect with God. Making promises, I hoped my prayers would work. Soon, it was my day in court.

State of Ohio vs. Lamar Wright.

"We're entering a plea today, Mr. Wright. Stand and address the court."

I stood and entered a "not guilty" plea.

The judge stared right through me, looking down on me as if I were nothing. I just knew in my heart that if they found me guilty, I might never see daylight again. As the trial went on, they brought out witness after witness: people I had never seen before, people who had nothing to do with the case. They took the stand, speaking on what they thought happened, painting an ugly picture of me that the jury had a front-row seat to. Every word I say is as important as every word I don’t. Sweat poured down my face. What the hell is next? The bailiff then called in the next witness.

"The State of Ohio calls Brian Boyd to the stand. Brian Boyd, come to the front, please."

"I'm here! I'm here!"

I had seen the name on the list but couldn't connect it to anyone I knew. That changed when he walked into the courtroom. Now I knew that Brian Boyd was also known as B Luck. As he entered, he held his head high, clearly pleased with his position. Then, as he took the stand, all hell broke loose.

"Brian Boyd, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I do!" he said, standing before the court.

After his affirmation, nothing else made sense. He began to lose himself in his tales, going beyond the questions asked, even crying out for more attention. It worked; he had their attention. I glanced at my lawyer and leaned over, urging him to intervene. The entire time, he sat back, passive. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to speak.

"Your Honor!"

The courtroom paused, turning their attention to me. My lawyer tried to restrain me, signaling for me to desist.

"Yes, Mr. Wright, go ahead."

"I would like to submit an oral motion to become the lead counsel on my case."

My attorney stood hastily, trying to interject, surprising me with his sudden assertiveness.

"Your Honor, may we have a recess so I can speak with my client?"

"There's no need for a recess, Your Honor. I want full control of this case and wish to appoint my attorney as the assistant counsel."

The judge looked at me, a smirk playing on his lips. "And you are making this decision knowingly and intelligently?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Very well, Mr. Wright. Proceed."

And proceed I did. First, I scrutinized the evidence. I made B Luck discuss the firearms, who had which one, and then referenced the interview statement he gave to the officers, highlighting how his story had changed multiple times. Next, I dissected his narrative as a whole. He fumbled his responses and couldn’t maintain eye contact. The tide was turning; I had the upper hand. I'd successfully cast doubt on his credibility with the jury. Now, it was time to drop the big bomb on him.

"Mr. Boyd, when you came into this courtroom, you had everyone thinking you were the victim!" I exclaimed.

"Mr. Wright!" the Judge interjected, trying to get my attention.

"Everyone was getting killed around you and you barely escaped with your life. Is that right?"

Mr. Wright, you are out of line!"

"But the truth is, you came to rob us and nearly got yourself killed in the process police ass nigga. It was self-defense," I asserted.

"Mr. Wright, stop this at once! You are not supposed to ask leading questions or badger the witness," the Judge admonished, anger evident in his eyes.

"You're right, your Honor. I move to strike what I just said from the record."

The jury watched in surprise as I acted as if I had been a lawyer my whole life. Sadly, they probably thought I would fail the moment I stood up.

"Your Honor, I'm done testifying. I don't have anything left to say," B Luck announced, dropping his head in front of the jury.

"No, no, don't stop yet, Mr. Boyd! We're just getting to the good part," I responded.

"Oh, and what part is that?" B Luck challenged.

"Let's talk about the address where all this happened," I proposed, moving closer to him.

The closer I got, the more B Luck began to stumble over his words. It was evident his nerves were rattling him.

"How about I help you out, Mr. Boyd, and tell the court myself whose house it was?" I offered.

"Mr. Wright, you cannot speak for the witness!" the Judge interrupted, clearly growing impatient with me.

Despite the Judge's interruptions, I pressed on. "Alright, your Honor, I can't speak for the witness, but can the witness address the jury? Can we discuss the address?"

"There's nothing to talk about regarding the address. Let's talk about how you robbed and shot those innocent people!" B Luck retorted, eager to shift the focus.

As B Luck spoke, Mike D entered the courtroom. Seeing him, B Luck visibly tensed, and everyone turned to look.

"Your Honor, that was my apartment! That's where it all happened," Mike D declared as he approached the stand.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" the Judge inquired.

"I'm Michael Denton, your Honor," he responded.

Detective Rainwater interjected, "Your Honor, Michael Denton is another suspect we've been seeking in relation to this case."

"Detain him," ordered the Judge.

Suddenly, the tables turned. Mike D, though self-surrendered to the court, was prepared to speak on my behalf. I pushed for him to be allowed to testify. As he spoke, the jury watched intently. His account was corroborated by the evidence, and even the prosecutor struggled to counter it. Once the testimonies concluded, we awaited the jury's verdict.

Hours later, the Judge announced, "The jury has reached their decision."

Everyone rose in anticipation.

"In the charge of first-degree murder, we, the jury, find Mr. Lamar Wright not guilty," the foreman read out.

Relief washed over me.

"In the second charge of possession of marijuana over the exceeded bolt, we the jury find Mr. Lamar Wright, guilty."

Damn! I celebrated too soon.

The Judge turned to the jury, "Please provide your recommendations for sentencing."

"We the jury ask that the defendant get the max on the punishment."

What the fuck just happen? And what the fuck do she mean that lives were lost because of me. What about the lives I saved? What about my mafuckin life being lost? She didn't give a fuck that I could have died! And now I know I'm going to prison for sure. To tell you the truth, I didn't speak another word or hear what the judge said after that until he said the time I would be receiving.

Mr. Lamar Wright, I sentence you to the Ohio Department of Corrections for count 2 of the indictment for a term of 5 years.

Well damn, now it's done. This is another chapter in my life I'm going to have to get through. When I looked back over my shoulder, I could see May-so through the angry crowd. They were mad at me for the lives that were lost and for the time I was receiving; obviously, they wanted more.

My momma was crying uncontrollably, while Grandma Vickie rubbed her back to comfort her in this tough time. Those three people were all the family I had.

When I looked at Grandma Vickie, I could see the strength in her eyes, and then I read her lips: 'Keep your head up, baby. I love you. You're strong. You can do this, believe me. Everything is going to be alright. You're in the hands of God now.' Just hearing those words made my whole world stop. I love you too!

The bailiff snapped me back into reality. "Mr. Wright, let's go!" He quickly escorted me behind the double doors, out of sight from everyone. A part of me plunged deep into depression. As I was strip-searched by the officers and questioned while I was naked, I felt less than a man. The humiliation was extreme, feeling exposed in such a vulnerable manner.

After that, I cycled through every emotion daily, but the feeling of being trapped was the hardest to shake. I spent the next two weeks in a lit cell before being transferred to a place called C.R.C. Thankfully, I wasn't there long. The correctional officers at C.R.C. were brutal.

My next stop was L.E.C.I, also known as Lebanon Correctional Institution. The moment I stepped in, I sensed the foreboding atmosphere.

The process was long, but after everything was done, they took me to my cell. The cell was very small. In a 12ft space, you have to take turns deciding who comes in. It's all cement, so during the summer, it gets so hot that the walls sweat. There are no washers or dryers, only clotheslines from wall to wall. All your clothes are washed by hand in a small trash can, which they sell to you at the store. Even the struggle isn't free! The roaches are bigger than the mice, and both are everywhere. This place is a jungle. You either stand for something or fall for anything. Believe me, in a place like this, you will be tested. It's only a matter of time. That's why you don't get ready; you stay ready. And believe me, I'm more than ready. When I entered my cell, I noticed I had a cellmate. I didn't warm up to him immediately. I had to feel him out, but once I did, he turned out to be an alright guy. He called himself Chris-Chris and was affiliated with the Crips. Over time, I learned he was a real hothead. If he heard the wrong shit, he would lose his temper quickly. As time flew by, we became close.

Prison I found out is much like the streets besides there is no bitches unless they were CO's. Another thing I found out was that there was a whole lot of money to be made. As soon as I got there, I started making moves, getting my foot in the door wherever I could. I became friendly with a couple of kitchen workers, and they would occasionally bring in dope for me. My involvement escalated when I met Mrs. Kathy Linn. Both she and her husband were correctional officers and had been for some time. Her husband was a racist dick head and difficult to approach, but Mrs. Kathy Linn was a sweetheart. She was sexy as hell and sought the attention her husband wasn't providing. I couldn't keep my eyes off her; she exuded a natural sex appeal, the kind you'd desire intensely. It took me a while, but I eventually struck up a conversation with her, and we became friends. She reminded me of a young Kim K or Becky G. Whenever she was around, my imagination would wander. When she came to work, many guys would rush for the showers just to watch her patrol the range and pleasure themselves. They didn't care if they did it out in the open, they wanted her to watch, hoping she would see them and pick them as a choice. I did the opposite when it came to me I paid her no attention, shit why would I, she had enough people to give her that, so why waste my time, I never been the type to chase.

What was crazy was that the more I didn't pay her any attention, the more she wanted me, the more she came around, I guess that's how her husband held on to her for this long. We talked on the cellphone that she brought me every night, that's when we had our little phone sex so I was able to learn her really well, all her desires and wants. I love when she would play with her pussy and deep throat her dildo on Facetime. Then she would come to work and find time and ways to fuck me any and every place we could find. After a while people started watching our movements, these suckers' started running they mouth like bitches so her husband ended up catching word, we were messing around so he been all over me lately, shaken me down every chance he can get, just to get him off my tail I been having to make Mrs. Kathy Linn send me to the hole, which she hated because she couldn't see me as much but it was fair game for me because nobody would expect me to caught the pack back there in the hole but I did.

In prison, everyone has their eyes on you. With every move you make, you must be discreet. If anyone gets wind of your actions, you'll either find yourself confronting gangs or dealing with informants and the CO's breaking in during the night. Mrs. Kathy Linn was my anchor; she kept me informed, helping me discern if they were onto me. Time seemed to speed up, and before I knew it, three years had passed. I had a few more to serve. When not with Mrs. Kathy Linn, I kept my ear to the ground. Mike D and Lil Will were still active on the streets. Their names echoed everywhere. I'd feign ignorance every time they came up in conversations because anyone with an issue with them would ultimately face me.

Lil Will regularly sent pictures and money, but he started becoming unresponsive. It took weeks before he picked up, and our conversation felt strange. He hinted at some trouble, but given the nature of our recorded calls, specifics were off-limits. After the call, I reached out on a burner phone. Lil Will revealed a confrontation on the town's other side, resulting in a man paralyzed and accusations flying. J Rob and Reese Butta got arrested, and things escalated quickly. Reese Butta seemed ready to shoulder the blame, protecting the team, but J Rob faltered. He even threatened to spill everything to the police unless Lil Will bailed him out. The revelation left me stunned. I'd known J Rob and his brother Marky since childhood. While J Rob had his moments on the streets, their mother kept a close eye on them. Marky, the more church-oriented and steady worker, shocked me further with threats against Lil Will if J Rob remained incarcerated.

When I laughed off Marky's threat, Lil Will grew angry. I tried soothing him, believing Marky's words were hollow. However, Lil Will disagreed, accusing me of becoming soft in prison. Our call ended on a sour note. Despite his accusations, I felt he needed some space to process everything. We've shared many memories, and I believed, in time, things would normalize.

Rich story:

After he got off the phone with Lamar, he felt a fire burning in his stomach. He promptly dialed one of his top hit men, T-Cottie. Now, T-Cottie was the kind of man who wouldn't hesitate to strike in broad daylight. Whatever Lil Will told him to do, he did without question. He was a quiet individual; the kind you always had to keep an eye on. Once you flipped the switch with T-Cottie, there was no turning it off.

"Hello?"

"What's up, Lil Will? What's good?"

"I need to take care of some business, and I need you with me."

T-Cottie leaned away from the phone, a smile creeping on his face at the thought of being needed for "business."

"You sure you need my assistance?" T-Cottie asked, chuckling softly.

"Bro, quit fuckin playing and pull up!"

"You sure? This is grown folks' business!"

"Just pull up!" Lil Will responded, frustration evident in his tone.

Once the two met up, they set a plan in motion. After, Lil Will made another call.

"Hello?"

"Yo, Marky. It's Lil Will."

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Chill, man. I'm calling to tell you we're trying to bond your brother out. We need someone with a job since we don't have a paycheck stub, and I know you're employed. Can you help?"

Marky hesitated before answering, "Why can't you find someone else?"

"I've got the money. I'm doing my part. Now, it's your turn. Damn, he's your brother. If you don't want to help, that's fine. I can use the money for a lawyer."

Marky didn't want to be the reason his brother remained behind bars, so he agreed. But before leaving, he informed his mother of his intentions, partly to share the good news and partly because he didn't entirely trust Lil Will. About an hour later, Lil Will reached out again.

"Marky, meet me at the store around the corner from your place."

"Why can't you pick me up from my house? You know the address."

"Damn, Marky. Why all the questions? My car's getting detailed. Just meet me there, and we'll sort this out."

Marky felt an uneasy twinge but brushed it aside, recalling the countless times he and Lil Will had been through similar situations in their younger days. As they drove, the atmosphere in the car shifted from business to leisure. Marky's earlier reservations faded as they reminisced and indulged.

Suddenly, Marky snapped back to the present, "Lil Will, weren't we supposed to bond out my brother?"

"We will, just killing some time," T-Cottie interjected.

"Yeah, we're meeting some friends first. The bail bondsman will call me when he's back in his office," Lil Will said, glancing at Marky through the rearview mirror.

Marky relaxed, lost in memories of the good old times with Lil Will. However, T-Cottie watched him intently, pretending to drink as he observed Marky's increasingly relaxed state.

Soon, Lil Will took a turn down a dead-end street.

"Where the fuck are we going? This is a dead-end!" Marky exclaimed.

"This is the street that the lil hoes live down," Lil Will reassured him. Suddenly, a man emerged, flagging them down.

"Hey, Lil Will! Wait up! I need a ride!"

Lil Will pulled over, causing T-Cottie to exclaim, "What are you doing? Why are you picking him up?"

Lil Will was starting to lose his footing and allowed the guy, Ron-Ron, into the car. At this point, it was clear to T-Cottie that Lil Will was ready to back out of the plan, and he wasn't having any of that. T-Cottie's game mode didn't have an off button. Once he started, there was no turning back, so he decided to take control of the situation altogether.

"Yeah, this is the street where that girl Candy lives. I'm sure she has some friends, so he can come too!"

"Bro, I thought you were taking me downtown. I have some things to handle that can't wait. Fuck some bitches, man!"

"You got in the car with us. You're going where we're going. There's no getting out, so enjoy the ride, mafucka!"

Ron-Ron carefully watched every word through his eyes in the rearview mirror. Not wanting to argue, he sat back and kept quiet. He had heard about T-Cottie and how he operated in the streets. Just being near T-Cottie made him uneasy. He and Lil Will had always been on good terms. If he had known T-Cottie was in the car, he wouldn't have stopped them. He even wondered why Lil Will was with T-Cottie; something felt off about their association.

"Man! Come on! Are we there yet? I need to pee so bad!" Marky exclaimed, rocking back and forth in the back seat.

"Chill! We're almost there. Stop acting like a child, Marky. You're not the only one who needs to go!" Marky responded.

The street was long and dark. There were houses on both sides, but most of them were abandoned.

"Have you ever been here before? This shit seems like a setup," Ron-Ron remarked, staring out the window.

"Man, shut up! You're acting like a pussy. We're good. I've been here many times. She just lives in a hidden spot. Lil Will, pull into this driveway; she's all the way in the back."

As Ron-Ron looked around, every part of him wanted to flee, but the overwhelming emotions paralyzed him.

"Fuck this shit! Let me out here; I need to pee!" Marky opened the door, dashed out, and headed for the nearest bushes. T-Cottie followed, seemingly with the same intention.

Lil Will remained stationary, engrossed in his phone, not uttering a word. It was uncharacteristic of him.

"Lil Will, what's going on? Is something bothering you?"

Before he could respond or even look up, I heard, "Pop! Pop! Pop!" I glanced outside to identify the source of the gunfire. Marky was sprinting with his pants slipping down, trying to evade T-Cottie. I reached for the door to make an escape, only to find the child lock was engaged on my side. My only exit was through the window. When I looked again, T-Cottie stood over Marky, firing repeatedly into his face. As his clip emptied, he fetched another from his back pocket and started walking toward the car, leaving Marky's lifeless body in a puddle of blood. Trapped, my only option was to plead for my life.

"Lil Will, I didn't see anything. Just let me go; I swear I won't breathe a word of this to anyone. Please, man! I'm not involved in this!"

Lil Will lifted his head from the phone and glanced in the rearview mirror at Ron-Ron in the back seat. "Bro, you cool? Just chill out and roll up this joint!"

Lil Will reached into the glove box for the weed just as T-Cottie jumped back into the car.

Ron-Ron hurriedly tried to assure T-Cottie, "No word of this will ever get out to anyone. I just need you to trust me."

"Lil Will, what the fuck are you doing? Why haven't you gotten rid of him yet?"

Before Lil Will could answer, T-Cottie fired a shot in the back seat, striking Ron-Ron in the face.

"Nooo! What are you doing? He's got nothing to do with this!" Lil Will screamed at T-Cottie. "You stupid motherfucker! You think we're going to let him live after what he saw?"

"What the fuck you mean 'we'? You did this!"

"Oh no, brother, it's 'we'. We're bound by blood. Either you shoot him, or I'm going to be the only one going home tonight," T-Cottie said, watching Lil Will's every move.

"Will, please help me!" Ron-Ron pleaded, blood clouding his vision.

Lil Will turned to Ron-Ron. "I'm sorry, bro. You just picked the wrong night for a ride."

"Shoot him!" screamed T-Cottie.

Lil Will fired a shot into Ron-Ron's chest, pushing him back into his seat. He then dragged Ron-Ron out of the car. Standing over him, he fired two more times, watching for signs of life. Seeing none, he returned to the car and drove away.

After dropping T-Cottie off, a wave of emotions overcame Lil Will: fear, guilt, and regret. What was done was done. His priority now was to cover his tracks. He dialed Marky's mom.

After two rings, she answered, "Hello! Hello! Who is this?"

"Hey, Ms. Johnson, it's Will. If Marky doesn't bond J Rob out tomorrow, I can help. Let me know. This is my number."

"Thank you, baby. I'll keep that in mind."

"Talk to you later," Lil Will replied, ready to end the call when Ms. Johnson's voice caught him. "Will! Will!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Have you seen or talked to Marky today? I've been trying to reach him!"

He hesitated. "No, ma'am. I haven't spoken to him all day."

"If you hear from him, tell him to call me."

The morning came quickly for Lil Will. He had spent the night sleepless, staring at the wall. Checking his phone, he found numerous missed calls, most from T-Cottie. Reluctantly, he returned the call.

"Why didn't you answer? Turn on the news! That mafucka Ron-Ron's not dead!"

He switched on the TV, catching a news report:

"Two people were shot last night in the Walnut Hills area. Mark Johnson, 23, was found dead on the scene. Ronald Smith, 20, is in critical condition. Authorities are asking for prayers for Mr. Smith and answers for the family of Mr. Johnson. We'll keep you updated. I'm Tricia Mackie for WLWT News."

Every word weighed on Lil Will. If Ron-Ron survived, he'd likely testify. Many today didn't live by the street code. Finishing what he began seemed vital. He helped raise funeral funds for Marky. They sold shirts, held cookouts, and more. The community's respect for his team brought support. After collecting the money, he gave a quarter to Marky's mother. Her grateful gaze seemed to see through him. They hugged, and she whispered in his ear.

"The people who did this to my son!"

"Yes, they will!"

"They are going to pay for what they did! Not because he was my son, no! No! No! But because he was an innocent soul and God wages war for all his children, why they killed him is something that I may never know or understand. Even if I knew who did I would forgive them and stand back and let God take over, God said vengeance is mine." She kissed me on the cheek, told me to take care and walked away. I talked to a couple more people then I got in the car and drove away watching my surroundings as we left the curve.

Marky's Mom:

Right after she let Lil Will go, she felt the sickness building up in her stomach. Her mind was all over the place. Many people had told her that Lil Will and T-Cottie were involved in her son's death. What threw her off was that Lil Will had helped her bury her son and called her day and night, pushing for justice. Not once did he seem capable of such an act. What frequently resurfaced in her mind was Marky's last words before leaving her house. Apart from telling her he loved her, he mentioned Lil Will was coming to pick him up to bond out his brother. She trusted Marky wouldn’t lie. She also remembered a peculiar incident that night when Will had called, saying if Marky didn’t bond Rob out, he would. After piecing it all together, she called the detectives with the information about her son's case. Once she was off the phone, she felt she could let God handle the rest. There was nothing left for her to do.

The Detectives:

After Detective Rainwater spoke with Mark Johnson's mother, he was overwhelmed with joy. Finally, there was a significant lead in the case. Despite his exhaustion from a week and a half without proper sleep, his dedication to the case remained. He hoped to provide some closure for Mark's mother. He looked up the two names she provided: William Blake and Todd Campbell. While Todd Campbell had a record, William Blake did not. Checking Mark Johnson's phone records, he found consistent communication with William Blake on the day of the incident. With this evidence and the information from Mark's mother, he prepared a report to further investigate the suspects. Another detective accompanied him to the hospital to check on a potential witness. On arrival, a concerned nurse approached them.

"Detective Rainwater and Detective Cooper, I'm glad you’re here. Mr. Smith's condition is deteriorating," she said. "He keeps drifting in and out of consciousness. When he's lucid, he seems tormented."

"What do you mean?"

"It’s like he's trying to fend someone off. He keeps repeating 'Lil Will, don’t do this!' I think it's crucial to investigate whoever Lil Will is."

As soon as she mentioned Lil Will, Detective Rainwater thought of William Blake. Although he didn't have a complete statement, he felt there was enough for an arrest warrant, provided he could get a testimony from Mr. Smith. Suddenly, an emergency alert sounded for Mr. Smith's room.

"I need to go, Detectives. Mr. Smith is critical. I'll keep you updated." And with that, she left.

The detectives quickly left the building to secure the arrest warrant, ready to confront William Blake, also known as Lil Will.

Lil Will:

When Lil Will entered the church, all eyes fixed on him, filled with disdain. He felt out of place, but moved to the front near the casket to pay his respects. Closing his eyes, he sought forgiveness from God. Marky's mother's words echoed in his mind, making him regretful. He knew Marky didn't deserve his fate, but it came with the life they lived. As he sat with closed eyes, he felt someone approach. Opening them, he saw T-Cottie.

"What's up, bro?"

"Why are you here?"

"Shit! Did you think I'd miss this?" T-Cottie laughed. "Be quiet! Show some respect!"

"Respect? For him? He made bad choices, like fuckin with me. I’ll be back. I need a picture for my collection. It's not my first funeral, Lil Will, and it won’t be my last."

As T-Cottie left, a chill ran down Lil Will’s spine. T-Cottie’s cold demeanor was evident. Lil Will realized T-Cottie's dangerous mindset where anyone could be a target, even allies. He knew he had to be wary. As the funeral service commenced, T-Cottie urged Lil Will to leave, but he refused. The preacher began, and it felt as though every word was directed at him.

The Preacher:

"Today, I want to speak from the Bible, Micah chapter 7, verse 5: 'Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your embrace.' I want to talk about trust. The Lord touched me today to speak about just that: trust. Trust is what cost this young man his life. Now, I don't know any details about the case, but I knew him personally, so I knew his heart. He was a good, God-fearing guy. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He was respectful and a member of this church. He wasn't just some thug who died in the streets due to a drug deal gone bad. No, he was a hard worker with a future ahead of him, but trust cut his life short. Whoever did this could have been a friend, a family member, an ally, etc. We don't know who, but what we do know is he trusted them."

Every word the preacher spoke set a fire in my bones. It felt as if everyone knew, even the preacher, and he was speaking directly to me, his gaze locked onto mine. The longer I stayed, the more guilt consumed me. I had to leave. I lowered my head to avoid eye contact as I made my way out of the church. As I stepped outside, I noticed two men sitting in a black unmarked car. As they saw me, they quickly got out and approached me. I had never seen them before, but they moved as though they recognized me. As they closed in, one stepped in front of me while the other positioned himself slightly behind, making it clear they were trying to corner me.

"Mr. William Blake, I'm Detective Rainwater with the Cincinnati Homicide Unit. I have a warrant for your arrest in connection with the murder of Mark Johnson and the assault on Ronald Smith."

My heart sank. "They got me," I thought. How they did, I didn't know, and perhaps it didn't matter. Now, my focus was on navigating the situation. As the detectives escorted me to their car, the church let out. People shouted in anger, saying things they'd never have dared minutes before. Then, I saw Marky's mom approach us.

"May I speak with him?" she asked the detectives. They nodded and rolled down my window. "Will, I don't know what happened. For my peace of mind, tell me why. What did he do to deserve this?" Tears streamed down her face. I wanted to explain, but I knew she wouldn't understand. Although I cared for her son, my survival came first. I closed my eyes, remaining silent. The look in her eyes wasn't anger. It was as if she pitied me. "The Lord said, 'Vengeance is mine,'" she whispered. "What was hidden in darkness has now come to light. Still, I forgive you." After her final word, she left, and the car drove me to county jail.

Lamar:

After getting no answer from Lil Will for a while, I decided to call Mike D. He told me everything about the murder, and it broke my heart. Not just for Lil Will but for Marky as well. We all grew up together. Marky shouldn't have died like that, especially at the hands of one of us, a friend. It made me wonder if Lil Will could've done the same shit to me. The news upset me. I returned to my cell, rolled a couple of joints, turned on my music, and tried to lose myself. However, my solitude didn't last long.

"Lil Wright! Lil Wright!" someone shouted.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Man, bro, I need to holla at you!"

I sat up on my bed and gave him the attention he was seeking. His face was covered in worry, like cheap makeup on a dirty bitch; it was evident in every expression. "What's going on? Talk to me."

"Man, this guy rode in from another camp claiming he knows you. Shit, he's been asking where he can find you. Heck, he's even offering money to anyone who can give him your location."

"And who the fuck is he?"

"I don't know him personally, but I think he said his name was Skep Dollar. He didn't seem hostile towards you or anything. He said you two were close. Do you know him?"

As soon as I heard Dollar's name, my mind began to race. I knew the only reason he could be searching for me was for revenge. I don't blame him; I'd be furious too if I'd been framed for five murders. So, I decided to mislead the messenger to buy some time.

"Oh yeah, I know him. He's a good friend of mine."

"So, do you want me to tell him where you are?" he asked, searching my eyes for an answer.

"No, don't do that. I want to surprise him. Tell him I got into some bullshit and they might transfer me to another prison."

He looked puzzled but agreed to my request and left. Immediately, I began plotting. For the next few weeks, I kept a low profile. I refrained from visiting the chow hall and stayed out of sight. I gathered my intel through the messenger. My cellmate at the time, Chris-Chris, was known to be impulsive. He was either keen on fighting, getting high, or being in the midst of drama. Considering his unpredictable nature, I realized I could use him against Skep Dollar. Every day, when we were alone, I would subtly influence his thoughts.

"Chris-Chris, while I was at rec, I heard this guy mentioning you."

"Who? Who the fuck was talking about me?"

"Hey, calm down, damn! Let me explain."

As I spoke, Chris-Chris began to pace, anger visible with each step, seeking more information from me.

"Man, just relax and let me tell you what happened."

Chris-Chris took a deep breath and sat down, giving me his full attention. "Alright, go on."

"As I said, when I was in rec, I heard someone mention your name."

"What's his name?" he asked.

"Some guys called him Skep Dollar. Apparently, you two have a history, and he's looking to settle the score."

"Oh really? I'm not hiding. Why the fuck ain't he pulled up yet?"

"I don't know, but he seems like the kind of person who prefers to have others do his dirty work."

His face shifted from anger to concern. "I need to be on top of this. I can't be caught off guard. Point him out to me!"

"Don't worry, I've got your back. I'll do more than just point him out. I have a plan that will take care of him for good."

We sat down and put the plan together; the only thing left to do was execute.

Lil Will:

As Lil Will sat in the courtroom, many thoughts crossed his mind. He couldn't believe how he got caught up in all this mess. T-Cottie was now his co-defendant, not because he told, but because the motherfucker actually told on himself. He caught a gun charge riding around in a drug addict's rental car without a license. They sent him to prison for that. Then, when he reached the yard, he started bragging about the murder. He even called home and spoke about it on a recorded line. They played that recording for everyone in court. He even had the nerve to say I was the one who encouraged him. Day after day, acquaintances of mine took the stand, discussing their versions of what they believed happened. My lawyer would reassure me that we were in a good position, but I couldn't see it. From my perspective, things seemed to be going downhill. Yet, he would say, "William, we can beat this. They still haven't presented any solid evidence." I didn't know about the legalities; all I could do was trust him. I had no other options or funds. I had given him everything. My life was in his hands.

The prosecutor approached my lawyer and whispered something in his ear. My lawyer then excused himself to speak privately with the prosecutor. I felt uneasy. Whenever my lawyer spoke privately with the opposition, I felt isolated, as if they were conspiring against me. I had never felt so damn trapped in my life. As I raised my head from my hands, my lawyer took a seat beside me. He leaned in close, as if he wanted no one else to hear his words. Those words were meant only for me.

"William, we've got a problem!"

"Damn, I didn't want to hear this." Before I could process it, the prosecutor started walking to the door to call in his next witness for the state.

"Ronald Smith, come to the front," the prosecutor shouted out the door.

Fuck! Ron-Ron had pulled through after all. The last I'd heard about him, he wasn't even conscious, eating through a straw, not doing too well. His family was making plans to pull the plug because it was financially draining them. But that was all a lie, and I knew it for sure when the prosecutor helped his mom roll him to the stand in his wheelchair. Every juror turned their attention to him.

At that moment, I knew my life was over. From the first word spoken to the last, emotion overpowered the courtroom. He painted a vivid picture of that night, the night I desperately wanted to put behind me. It now determined my fate. I was portrayed as the bad guy, covered in blood—blood caused by another man.

Nobody would listen to my side, even if I spoke up. I had the chance to stop all of this, but I couldn't. It was them or me. If I had said no, or that I wanted out, I would have been buried alongside them. After he finished speaking, everyone who looked at me saw a monster lurking under their child's bed. I realized the gravity of the situation. The jury retreated for deliberations, only to return about 30 minutes later with the verdict.

"All rise," the judge began.

"I'm sure the jury has had enough time to review all the evidence and reach a fair decision in this case."

"Yes, Your Honor."

"What has the jury decided?"

"We, the jury, find William Blake guilty of all charges."

The whole courtroom erupted, cheering as if I had scored a touchdown. They celebrated the pending end of my freedom. After the jury's announcement, the judge prepared to pass down the sentence.

"Mr. William Blake, the State of Ohio has found you guilty of all charges. Please stand as I announce the sentence."

I felt the strength drain from my legs, and my heart raced uncontrollably. The judge never made eye contact until he spoke his final words.

"Mr. William Blake," he began, looking through me, sending chills down my spine. "On the charge of First Degree Murder, I sentence you to life in prison without the possibility of parole."

After those words, my heart had stopped in its place. The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor of the courtroom. The judge was still delivering the sentence as if the fall had never happened. He passed down another life sentence for Ron-Ron, saying his life would never be the same. After that, nothing else mattered; my whole soul felt vacant. "Damn that traitor, Ron-Ron," I thought. "They say his life will never be the same, but what about mine?"

After they locked me in the holding cell, I felt the walls closing in. Overpowered by my thoughts, a deep remorse for what I had done washed over me. I began to put it all on paper. I wrote a letter to my brother and mom, then a letter to Marky's mom, giving her the answers she sought and hoping she could forgive me. It was only right she knew the truth about that night. Even after the pen stopped, the weight on my soul held me down. I loosened my shoelaces and began to undress. The room felt unbearably hot, as if a blaze had engulfed it. I stepped onto a chair, seeking relief from the heat. The higher I got, the more relief I felt. I didn't want to hurt anymore. Before I knew it, I was tied in place and stepping in a new direction. The pain began to drain from my body. I closed my eyes and waited for all the pain to disappear.Bottom of Form

Lamar:

Things were finally starting to fall into place for me. Chris-Chris had put the Crips on alert about Skep Dollar. Even though he had a hit out on me, I wasn't bothered. May-so always told me, "A motherfucker can't hit what they can't see."

I just kept moving, and moving is precisely what I did, along with changing my appearance so I wouldn't be easily spotted in a crowd. I kept feeding the birds misinformation to keep the dude off-balance. I have to make a move soon. Ever since this beef with Skep Dollar started, I stopped everything, even the way I slept. It's hard to sleep when someone wants you dead. With so much happening, I hadn't reached out to home in a while. I got a letter from Mike D telling me to call him, saying it was important. I received that letter about a month ago.

Since I hadn't been doing much, I didn't feel the need to call him. Through the grapevine, I heard that Lil Will and T-Cottie both got double life sentences. I figured that might be what Mike D wanted to tell me. I wonder which prison they sent Lil Will to. I want to pull some strings to ensure he's comfortable, at the very least.

Then, I bumped into T-Cottie myself. He was reckless, all over the place, and couldn't maintain eye contact for more than five seconds. The mafucka dipping his dick in them punks as soon as he hit the yard. He had no shame in the game, he put it all out in the open. I had to pull down on him to see what the fuck his problem is!

"A T-Cottie, what's up bro?"

"Lil Wright, is that you, fool?"

"Man cut the shit! What the fuck you got going on? Running around here holding hands with another man?"

He laughed at me like he just heard the funniest joke told in the world. "T-Cottie! Does it look like I'm fucking joking man?"

"Lil Wright you must ain't heard, huh?"

"Heard what! That you got double life or that you been a fag? Seems like you free of an excuse to pull it out to the world now!"

"Yo! You can say what you want but I'm gone die in here screaming fuck the world, knocking these fags down one at a time, and at least I didn't kill myself like a coward like Lil Will did!"

In that minute, the world had stopped, I waited for the laugh he had when I questioned his man hood, but he gave me nothing as I searched his eyes.

"Oh you didn't know huh? They found him butt naked hung up on the wall, dick out, eyes open, with shit running down his leg, they examined his ass because they thought somebody fucked him and put him there, but I guess he fucked himself all alone."

On his last word I rushed him before the smile could even form on his face, I lifted him off his feet with all I had in me, cutting off his air supply, the tighter I made my grip, I looked for the fear in his eyes, I wanted him to plead for his life, I had no intention of letting him go until there were no more life left in his worthless body. For a moment my vision had changed and I felt like I floated to a different place. The only thing that snapped me back in place was the CO's shamming me to the floor, as I tried to stand, they fought to keep me down.

"Stay down motherfucker! Stay the fuck down!"

They beat me with their Billy clubs to bring order to the situation, but to tell you the truth, at that moment, everything in me was numb, I could not feel a thing. It took me a while but about time I came to and begin to feel like myself again, I was in the hole, trying to keep warm from the broken windows, one eye closed shut, four broken ribs and a broken heart from the news. I didn't want to eat I just watched either the birds eat it or the rats that ran free through the walls, I was in hell! I laid still because the pain had become unbearable, the dim light shines in the hallway just enough where I could see a figure approaching me at a slow pace, I couldn't move if I wanted to.

"Well! Well! Well! Look what the fuck we have here! All this time I thought mafucka's was lying when they said your ass was in the hole, I just had to come see for myself!"

Just from the voice, I knew exactly who it was, Skep Dollar, we had finally crossed paths and the only thing between us was the bars I sat on the other side of.

"Lil Wright it's been a long time since we last seen each other you rat motherfucker!"

"Rat! Ha! Check that shit at the door! I ain't get on no stand and tell on nobody, so you can miss me with that shit!"

"True! True! But I did here the 911 caller, when I was at trial and it did sound just like you!"

"Fuck you Skep!"

"Naw Fuck you, and you might as well have got on the stand, you abandon me and set me up with Money Mo mom and daughter bodies, yeah I ain't stupid I knew it was you! It took me a minute to put it together but I did, I bet you fuckin thought I was stupid huh?"

"Obviously you fuckin are! Ha! If I think!"

"Think what! That you couldn't had put this together, had me go for the dummy bag while you go get the real one! All these years and you didn't send me shit and it don't matter, fuck the money boy, I want to drain the fuckin life from your body then we will be even!"

"And how the fuck you gone do that? You think I'm just gone lay here and let you kill me?"

"You can't stay in here forever, just know when they let you out in a couple days I'll be here waiting for you!"

And just like that, he turned his back on me and walked away. Sure of himself and his plan to end my life. I ain't gone lie, those next couple of days was rough, I didn't eat or sleep, scared he might either poison me or find favor with the guards. Most of the guards could be paid off to turn their heads, so I had to stay on point, once I was released they sent me back to my old block, everyone seemed to be happy. I was back. T-Cottie's gay ass got shook and moved to F-block, where he could swing and dip his dick freely. I quickly gave up on chasing T-Cottie, I had bigger fish to fry and it was time to finish Skep Dollar once and for all. As soon as I seen Chris-Chris, he was all ears on what needed to happen next.

"Lil Wright bro, what's the word, bro is you ok? It looks like you been smoking crack back that bitch, you need me to hit you off with a soup or something?"

"Yeah shit! I do need that shit! Man that nigga Skep Dollar was laying on me while I was in the hole, threaten me, and he said he was going to kill me the first chance he gets!"

"What! How the fuck he knows you when I'm the one he wants?" Unaware our history, I stayed far from the truth.

"Because he found out we was tight and now he wants to make me out to be an example."

"Oh yeah, and he told you that?"

"Hell yeah, you know these mafuckas like to run they mouth, man Chris-Chris, this mafucka is reckless, we got to get this dude out the way before he catches one of us slipping!"

The look in Chris-Chris eyes looked as if I had set a fire, he walked off without saying another word, I laid back in the cut, watching him from a distance as he rounded up all the Crips, I knew what I needed done was now in motion, I got up and went to the phone to make a call to Mike D, just to check on him but he didn't answer. I called a couple other people who run in his circle and they told me he ain't been doing to good ever since Lil Will took his life, damn!

A part of me wished it wasn't true, I wish he would have at least come and talked to me, I would of given him the best advice I had. More time passed, for the next couple of days, the pain from my broken ribs was still hard to bear, but even through the pain, I began to work out, I had to get ready for a war after my workout I got really tired, I felt like I ain't had no sleep in months, as soon as my head hit my pillow, it wasn't long on this night before reality came to a dream.

"Wake the fuck up mafucka! I want to see your eyes before I kill your bitch ass!"

I opened my eyes, to see Skep Dollar standing in the distance and one of his goons standing over me, with a knife to my throat, I was far from safe on the one night I needed to be.

"What the fuck you waiting for! Kill that mafucka!" Skep Dollar screamed to the top of his lungs.

As his goon pulled the knife from my neck and made a motion to stab me in the chest, I did the only thing I could: fight. The commotion woke Chris-Chris, evening out the odds. The goon was smooth with the knife, striking me in places I hadn't even noticed. My heart raced; all I could think about was staying alive. With every punch I threw, I delivered it as if it were my last. Blow after blow, I saw Skep Dollar's goon losing his balance from my strength, my punches weakening him and his ability to retaliate. I began to overpower him, tossing him around the room like a rag doll. Time was of the essence. Though Chris-Chris was putting up a good fight, Skep Dollar still dominated. I wrested the knife from the goon's grip and stabbed him repeatedly in the face until I saw his life fading. As Skep Dollar's goon collapsed with a shocked expression in his eyes, I moved to help Chris-Chris against Skep Dollar.

Chris-Chris had taken a blow and dropped to his knees. Out of nowhere, Skep Dollar pulled a blade from his back pocket. As I lunged at him, we both struck simultaneously. Skep Dollar's blade found its mark in Chris-Chris's temple, ending his resistance, while my knife sank into Skep Dollar's neck. He stumbled into the corner of the cell, and I swiftly pinned him down, stabbing him repeatedly. I coated the door, walls, and floor with his blood. One thing was certain: I wasn't going to let him leave this fight alive. I had to end it that day. No matter how engrossed I was in the battle, I didn't – and couldn't – stop. I was truly in another world, far from where I was standing, the guards stood amazed by the mess that were made. Once I realized it was over and returned to my rightful place in life, I began to feel weak, I didn't notice all the blood I had lost from being stabbed by the goon multiple times.

I fainted on the floor before the CO's could even approach with force; I had nothing left, I died over and over again on the way to the hospital, in and out of a dream with everyone who fell victim to me surrounding my bed, waiting on me to cross over, the only one fighting them off for me was Lil Will, he was naked, mouth closed, eyes wide open, but I could hear his voice over the others, "Get up Lamar! You have to fight, get up Lamar, you have to fight!"

And fight is what I did. With everything I had in me, I fought to breathe. Through the electrical shock, I came to life on the doctor's table, pulling out IVs, determined to stand up. But as soon as I stood, I fell on my face, in pain, but alive. The war between me and Skep Dollar was finally over. He didn't survive, and neither did Chris-Chris. He lay in the hospital fighting for months; nothing changed in his condition. Due to their financial situation, they had to pull the plug. Even though I wasn't in a gang, the Crips embraced me for fighting with him to the end. No charges were filed against me for murdering Skep Dollar and his goon because there should not have been a way for this to happen with me laying in a cell behind a locked door. A couple of COs got fired, and a strong investigation began. The word in the joint was that they were supposed to come in and kill me in my sleep, then frame Chris-Chris for it all. It didn't go down that way because of all that talking, but I can't help but reflect on the "what ifs."

The rest of my bit in the joint was smooth; I was well-protected. I got the pack in and continued to run up my bag. Ever since the incident with Dollar, I've been thinking about starting a family and settling down. It took dying on that table and being brought back to life to truly want to change. I did the rest of my time, and when it was time, they opened the door for me. And with that, I truly felt blessed, because I left some real mafuckas behind who ain't never going home. I had to keep them on my mind and, most of all, in my heart. Everything felt different on the other side of the fence: the smell of the air, even the touch of the sun. Mike D was waiting for me when I came out.

"Yo! Yo! Yo! Yoooo! What's up, bro!" Mike D said, barely able to stand.

I could tell he was happy to see me, but I could also tell from his body language that he was overwhelmed with stress from losing his brother. He was far from the old Mike D I knew. He reeked of piss and liquor and had lost a lot of weight. Though I tried to hide how I was feeling, it bled right through my face.

"Come on, bro! Why are you looking at me like that?" he said.

"Like what?"

"Like you're disgusted with me or something."

I was lost for words. I really didn't know what to say. I'd never seen him in this state of mind. The whole ride home, he kept talking about how he needed to get the streets back popping and that he'd been waiting for me to lock all the blocks down. What he didn't know was that I was done. The streets might as well have been a foreign land to me, one I had no desire to even visit.

"Man we got to hit the club tonight bro! Go see some bitches throw that ass around!" He said with excitement in his eyes.

"Yeah! It's been a while since I had some good pussy, I most definitely got to get this big mafucka emptied out."

We both laughed and just for a moment it was just like old times.

When I got home, I just wanted to relax before me and Mike D hit the club, so I took me a nap, got up hit the mall so my style could be up to date and then I hit Mike D on his line, and just like I thought he was drunk out of his mind, so I spent him for tonight, because I'm not in the mood to babysit a fuckin grown man.

After I got off the phone with Mike D, I looked online to see what spot would be jumping tonight, and club 360 popped up, so I got the directions and made my way there. When I got there I could not believe my eyes, there were so many woman everywhere, all types of shapes and sizes, my heart and my dick were having a fight on who was going to jump out first, I hurried and parked the car, I couldn't wait to get inside the building.

As soon as I got through the door, the music was so loud I could barely hear myself think, I went to the bar and got a drink, then I laid watch in the corner, to watch everything that was going on around me. It's crazy how much had changed since I had been locked up in prison. The whole night I was feeling out of place, until this sexy white chick crossed my path, there was something about her that really turned me on.

Before prison, I wouldn't even have passed a thought about fucking with a white chick, I was racist at heart and I didn't even know it, but once I got caught up in them porno books, I got addicted to that pretty pink pussy, I could imagine all the things I would love to do once I got one, I just had to test that out. My guys used to always tell me they had the best head in the world. The whole time I was eyeing her, she was doing the same, she had a smile that could light up the room, a real nasty walk, sandy red hair, the cutest freckles, a nice fat wide ass, that looked like as soon as she bent over, her whole pussy would jump out at you, I had to get at her, I waited for the right time, then I caught her at the bar.

"Hey what's up snow bunny, how you doing?"

"I'm good and you," she said while checking me out from head to toe.

"Can I get you something to drink as well as get to know you in the process?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me pink toe, can I get to know you, starting with your name!"

"What's up with all these pet names? Snow bunny and pink toe, my name is Sarah and what took you so long to come talk to me?"

"Ha, what you mean baby?"

"You act like you ain't been watching me all night, stalking me, like you ready to take this pussy or something."

We both laughed, but I moved in closer so we could share the same space. "Well, you know, I just got out of the joint; this is my first day out."

"What is 'the joint'?"

She acted as if she didn't know what I was talking about, but at the same time, her eyes lit up like those of a kid in a candy shop. It was evident where her mind had gone.

"Prison?" I said, checking for her reaction.

"Oh, so you're a bad boy, huh? You aren't going to hurt me or something, are you?"

"Naw, I'm not going to hurt you."

We continued to talk all through the night, then we exchanged numbers. As soon as we parted, she called me on the phone, and we talked some more. She was really easy to talk to; I felt like I had known her all my life. From the way she talked, I could tell she didn't want to hang up, so I cut to the chase and asked if she wanted to come stay with me. To my surprise and with no hesitation, she said yes!

It took her a while to arrive at my house, but when she did, all I could say was, "Oh my God." She had sandy red hair down to her shoulders, and when the light hit it, I could see just a touch of blonde. She stood about 5'6", weighing 135 pounds, in a tan trench coat and red heels. The trench coat barely covered her backside; it wasn't hard to tell she had nothing on underneath. The way she walked up demanded attention, even though she didn't need to demand anything. Whatever she wanted, I would've given to her. Damn! She had me at hello.

"Hi baby."

"Good morning. I thought, since I kept you up all night with my chatter, the least I could do is cook you breakfast," she said as she leaned in and gave me a slow, passionate kiss.

"Baby, I don't have much food; I still need to go to the grocery store."

"Don't worry about that; I got some groceries for you in the car. They were too heavy, so you'll have to go get them."

She handed me the keys to her car and walked on into the house, I walked down to the car and looked inside for the groceries, but there were none in sight, just a small bag of fruit and a fresh bottle of whip cream, after I also searched the trunk of the car and there still was no site of the groceries, I grabbed the bag of fruit and proceeded to enter the house and ask questions, I looked all around the house and couldn't find Sarah anywhere.

I knew she didn't leave, I still had her keys to the car, the only place left to check was my bedroom. As soon as I entered, the sight of her instantly made me lose my mind. She had laid plastic all over the bed, along with a couple of bath towels, like she knew shit was about to get real messy, her legs lay all the way to the back of her head, straps attached to her ankles, connected to the bed, keeping her in place, exposing her fat pretty pink pussy in the air, and to take the cake, she even put her ass on a plate, showing me just what she expected of me, I could feel my dick, overpowering its way through my draws, trying to find an escape route out of my zipper, and into the warmest place it could to relieve its self, damn! It's been a long time.

She motioned me to come to the bed and I couldn't get there fast enough, I was turned on like I never been before, it was like she controlled my body as well as my mind.

"I thought you was going to cook me breakfast," I said sarcastically.

"You don't see it on a plate for you, I walked in the door hot and ready, now hurry up and eat it before it gets cold!"

I fell to my knees and went face first straight into her pussy, with my tongue out, taking long licks from her pussy to her ass for two reasons, one, being that I show her out of nowhere how she could become a buffet and the other reason being that I had to savior the taste; just like I thought, she tasted so fuckin good.

My tongue danced on her clit like I was at a five star restaurant, I licked and sucked and licked and sucked, every drop of her cum that she released into my mouth, I was addicted, not just to the taste but to her actions as well. She grabbed my head making me keep my eyes open, as she slowly humped my face, telling me just what she expect of me, I knew after tonight I would be caught up in her, even possibly losing sleep. She was just for me, it was just that damn good, I couldn't take no more, I had to not only have her, but to give her what she was looking for.

I got up on the bed while her legs were still in the air, and went as deep as my manhood would let me go inside her, her pussy wrapped around me like a blanket placed on a new born baby, pulled fresh from the womb. With every stroke I lost myself, more and more, it's crazy how I went from wanting her, to needing her in more ways than I could control, as she was humming all over me. I watched how I entered her in and out, the faces she made' made me believe I could be all that she needs and more. As we made love, I started to believe in a future, I was gone inside of her, in a matter of minutes, I lost everything, starting with my control. I couldn't pull out and I busted all inside of her. After we were through, I just laid with her and held her tight, from that day, we have been together ever since, she was my best friend, I felt like I could tell her everything.

Things got serious between us real quick and she got pregnant and ended up having my first child Aiden Wright, that was a day I will never forget, it was like my whole outlook on life changed, and all I wanted to do was be a better man for my son.

I took a step back from the streets and tried to build the family that I never had, and shit got crazy real quick, Sarah found everything to argue with me about, which drove me to drink and do drugs like crazy, she stressed me out, I could understand it was her first child, so she didn't always know how to handle things. But she let her family interfere not only in our relationship but in every decision I involved myself in with my son. For my sake, I started to take a step back from Sarah but the more I stepped back the harder she made it for me to be a father to my son.

She put me on child support because I wanted out of the relationship. She got restraining orders against me without reason, preventing me from seeing my son. She told the judge that I had threatened her life. That hurt me the most. Ever since Sarah and I met, all I ever tried to do was love her and keep our family together. However, she never listened to me and often prioritized her friends over me, so their words mattered more. It's been torturous knowing she would try to take my son away from me. Claiming to the judge that I threatened her felt like poisoning the tree that I had nurtured for years.

I believed I understood her, that our heartbeats synchronized, and that I had found someone who completed me. As time passed, the love I had for her began to wane, replaced by resentment. When I saw her, all I perceived was another obstacle between me and my son. As my hatred grew, I sought solace in alcohol, and before I knew it, drugs and wild parties took over my life.

She put me on child support because I wanted out of the relationship. She got restraining orders against me without reason, preventing me from seeing my son. She told the judge that I had threatened her life. That hurt me the most. Ever since Sarah and I met, all I ever tried to do was love her and keep our family together. However, she never listened to me and often prioritized her friends over me, so their words mattered more. It's been torturous knowing she would try to take my son away from me. Claiming to the judge that I threatened her felt like poisoning the tree that I had nurtured for years.

I believed I understood her, that our heartbeats synchronized, and that I had found someone who completed me. As time passed, the love I had for her began to wane, replaced by resentment. When I saw her, all I perceived was another obstacle between me and my son. As my hatred grew, I sought solace in alcohol, and before I knew it, drugs and wild parties took over my life.

I was consumed with how to address my problem. Despite our issues, I still loved her, and I had promised myself that I wouldn’t let my past dictate my future. Constantly, I ruminated over her actions, unable to free my mind from the cycle of anguish. I felt trapped in these memories. Day after day, I formulated a plan until it crystallized: to paint her as an unfit mother, just as the judge had labeled me due to my history. In court, she had disparaged me, undermining me at every turn as if our love had never existed.

Driven by this plan, I reintroduced her to the world of narcotics, and she spiraled out of control. From selling herself to committing theft for a quick fix, she became a shadow of her former self. This plan was only supposed to tarnish her reputation for the court's sake, so I could reclaim custody of my son. But I had inadvertently shattered her. Part of me couldn’t turn her away when she begged, and when she was at her most desperate, I made a fatal error.

In a rush, I mistakenly gave her fentanyl instead of cocaine. Now, because of my oversight, Sarah is dead. I called an ambulance, but they couldn’t revive her. They ruled her death an overdose. From that day on, my life irrevocably changed. I may have gained an upper hand in one area of my life, but I lost my best friend in the process.

The court granted me full custody of our son. I arranged a heartfelt funeral for Sarah, with both our families attending to pay their respects. I longed to see her one last time, but I couldn't bear the thought of viewing her lifeless form in a casket. My son, though young, understood the weight of the situation. His silent tears mirrored my internal agony, knowing I caused his pain. This truth is something I can never share with him.

After the body viewing, we prayed. The pastor then invited anyone to share memories of Sarah. I made my way to the front, but before I could speak, a piercing scream echoed through the room.

"Noooo! You motherfucker!"

As I looked back, Sarah mother was coming toward me, she had her hand in her purse, moving at a fast paste.

"You think you going to kill my baby and fuckin get away with it," she said as she was pulling her hand from her purse I could see the butt of the gun. At that moment, my body lost its motion.

As she moved towards me, pulling the gun out ready to aim, I stood my ground, bracing for the shots I so deserved. Out of nowhere, a man rushed from his seat and fought her to the ground, wrestling the gun out of her hands. Shots flew around me. One too many times I had come face to face with death, escaping by the skin of my teeth. After all this time, and the life I'd chosen, everything had been a mess since Sarah's passing. I turned to approach the podium, but my legs gave way. Not only was my body weak, but my spirit and desire to live had also checked out. Sarah had truly mattered to me, and her death hit me so hard that I didn't know if I'd ever recover. At that moment, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.

When I got up to the podium, everyone's eyes were stuck on me, I went to open my mouth, looking to place words, farther then the eye could see. I pushed for the words to come out, but not one single word came to me. Damn, as I looked out into the crowd, a part of me wanted everybody to know, that I was sorry and if I could I would take it back, shit I would even die just to bring her back; I lost the only woman I truly loved, they needed to know that I meant that, but I pushed and pushed, still in hopes that words would flow out my mouth, but nothing came through.

I was lost for words, what am I doing, knowing what I did, why was I even here in the first place, tears began to roll down my face and there is no paddle to coast the brake I turned around and walked away, it felt like when I looked out into that crowd, when they looked back, it was like they could stare into my soul, at this point I knew I had to be high as hell, or to be drunk and in pain to see or hear things clearly. I really just wanted to be alone or stuck with a thick bitch that suck good dick and don't talk, either way, I have to get far away from this place.

For the next couple of weeks, my life became even crazier. I turned to drinking and drugs to numb the pain. All day, my son cries for his momma. He walks around the house, calling her name, looking in room after room, and lying by the door, waiting for her to return. How do I tell him he might as well give up, because his mother is gone and he's never going to see her again? Deep down, I know that if I ever told him the truth, he would hate me. My perspective on life changed, so I heeded some advice and decided to seek help. Not much was effective, as there was a lot I couldn't share openly, and I wasn't comfortable discussing my personal matters. However, one psychiatrist suggested that if I couldn't express my feelings to anyone, I should try writing them down in a journal. And I did. I poured every emotional thought and feeling I ever had into that book, including things that could get me in serious trouble if ever discovered. On the front of the journal, I inscribed "My Dirty Little Secrets" and stashed it in a safe where no one could find it.

The more I practiced this exercise, the closer I felt to a sense of normalcy. Slowly but surely, things began to improve in my relationship with my son, Aiden. We started building good memories together, putting the past behind us. Over time, I taught him everything I know. He's the spitting image of me. My goal is to be the father to him that I never had. I explained life to him step by step, the same way May-so explained it to me. All I know is I will never let my son follow my path or endure what I've faced. I want only the best for him. Time flew by, and he grew up so fast. I could see he had developed a strong mind of his own over the years.

In the words of Aiden:

I feel like shit started fucking up for me in life at birth. I was fortunate to have my mom in my life for a little while, but then, just like that, she was gone. I lost her to drugs. Her love for them surpassed her love for me. If she had loved me more, she'd still be here. Over the years, my dad taught me all I know about life. He cared for me deeply. Now, roles have reversed. Every day, my father endures an indescribable pain. He hardly eats or sleeps, and he's always drinking. In fact, he's what you'd call a true fish in water.

And I wish I could take away all his pain and bring him back to the person I need him to be. I know that together, my dad and I can take over this world. Nobody can fuck with him when he's on point. However, over the past couple of years, my dad has been falling apart. I've had to carry the load, and while I don't mind taking care of him, I must admit, it's far from an easy job! He's not an open book; the man is very secretive, which makes me wonder what kinds of secrets he's holding onto. My dad and I used to talk about everything growing up.

Over the years, I've felt the responsibility to be the holder of his secrets. I just have to find a way to get my dad to let me in. I know this won't be easy; he always told me never to trust a soul, so I keep my eyes open. Sometimes I catch my dad having conversations with my mom as if she were right there in the room with him. I hope I can figure out what's on his mind before he loses it and ends up institutionalized. From the looks of it, I'm running out of time. Him talking to the dead shows me that either the love he had for my mom was genuine, or things are taking a turn for the worse. To get a head start on things, I thought I'd talk to some of my dad's old friends to see if I could learn a bit about his past.

After weeks of searching about my dad's past life, I came across a guy named Mike-D. He didn't tell me much, but he mentioned that my dad used to hang around some older guy whom they believed was his father. He said this guy goes by the name of May-so and that he's been in the same place for years.

Without wasting time, I got the address and went to visit May-so. When I got there, I first knocked on the door. I thought I heard some movement from inside, so I moved closer to listen. Just then, someone stepped up behind me. I instantly felt out of place. In my mind, I could hear my dad saying, 'Boy, keep your eye on the prize.'

"What the fuck you want lil nigga?" He said as I go to turn around I saw an old man standing there with a long ass chrome 38 special pointed at my head.

"I! I! I! want to speak to a guy named May-so!"

"Ha! Wrong fuckin answer!" He said as he cooked the barrel, grabbing my throat, applying pressure to his grip. "What the fuck you want with May-so? I ain't been fuckin these lil young hoes around here so who the fuck is you? And hurry up because shit about to get messy son!"

I could tell by the look in his eyes, he meant every word that he said. "I'm Lamar Wright's son!

He searched my eyes for my soul and he also gave me the feeling, that if he seen the wrong one behind these eyes, he would take it.

"And why are you here son?"

"I just want to ask you some questions about my dad!"

He lowered his gun, looked to his left then his right, then raised it again, "Put your fuckin hands up!"

He checked me all over for weapons, which I had none and thank God, because if I did, it ain't no telling what would of happen next.

"What is it you want to know?"

"Excuse my language, but what's got my dad head so fucked up?"

May-so gave me a look as if that question had drained his soul. I almost instantly started to apologize; the shit was deeper than I had realized. I couldn't just leave empty-handed; I had to know.

"Your dad grew up on the streets, but he always longed for love – the type of love only a father could give to his son. He searched for it in every place he could find, and believe it or not, that shit hurt him time and again."

"Yeah, I could tell."

"Hell yeah! The closest he got to real love was the relationship he had with your mother. Though, I think he had another woman with two kids. You know you have a brother and a sister, right?"

"No! My dad never cheated on my mom!"

May-so glanced at the young boy's lack of knowledge. He had been probing for his own information, enlightening the boy about realities he hadn't known, inadvertently giving the young one the information he needed. Then, just as he did with his own son, May-so decided to impart some wisdom. He felt as if the boy was his own grandchild; he couldn't send him away empty-handed.

"You know what, Lil Wright? My name's Aiden!"

"Okay! I think your granddad can probably give you some better insight into your dad's life, since he's the reason your dad is so fucked up."

"Why would you say that?" Aiden asked, leaning in to learn more.

"I'm just going to write down the address. I'm sure he'll answer all your questions, alright?"

"Yes, sir, and thanks for this."

"Don't thank me for this one, young man. I'm just giving you what you sought. I'm glad I could be of service."

"Yes, yes, yes, I do have a lot of questions to ask him."

May-so walked Aiden to the door, let him out, and locked it behind him.

"Damn, now I have a lead I can follow, plus I can meet my granddad and he can fill me in about everything."

He didn't waste any time; he headed to his granddad's house, eager to hear what his grandfather would say about his dad.

"Hello?" Lamar said as he answered the phone. "Your son is going to see your dad!"

"What?! May-so! What are you talking about?"

"That mafuckin son of yours, shola is a talker, places in life I thought we were better then, but I guess not and I raised you! Who would have thought it would have been you saying fuck me too!"

"May-so what is you talking about I never fuckin crossed you!"

"You killed my grandbaby, I should have shot his lil ass in the face, yeah we were alone!

"What the fuck is you on May-so? I didn't kill your grandbaby you tripping."

"Cassie motherfucker."

"Huh."

You didn't kill Cassie you bitch ass nigga, go right ahead and lie to me!"

"Ole shit! I never knew that Cassie was May-so grandbaby and that he been on my ass for doing it the whole time." May-so was one person I could not lie too, he would read right through it, if I even tried, so many questions ran through my head, how did my son even know who May-so was and why was he poking around, what was he looking to find?

"Ole what the fuckin cat got your tongue, you ain't got to say nothing, I did my homework, I know what's up! You took something from me that was so precious, and Lamar I could have just done the same, my heart wouldn't let me, my mafuckin heart, it wouldn't! but I know his real granddad is gone have a field day with his lil ass!

"May-so come on man! When did he leave?"

"This morning around 9:00am"

I searched for a clock around the room, until I spotted one on the wall, it said 1:30pm. What the fuck!

"Although you might be too late, look at it this way, I didn't even have to fuckin call at all, he probably getting rid of that lil mafucka body right now as we speak!"

He began to laugh in my ear, and I ain't gone lie it sent a chill up my spine, I could picture some of the things my dad would do, shit he shot me.

"May-so what's the address?"

"Yeah! You can have the address, just make sure you kill that son of a bitch for my grandbaby Aiden," May-so said as he laughed into my ear once more then he hung up.

As quick as he gave me the address, I was on my way to my dad's house.

Aiden:

I had finally arrived at my granddad's house. I ran up to the door and knocked hard three times. When there was no answer, I began to beat on the door uncontrollably, refusing to believe I was at the wrong place. I stood my ground until someone could come to the door and give me the answers I was looking for.

A man rushed to the door and snatched it open.

"Who the fuck are you, lil' dude?" He asked, sizing me up from head to toe.

"Damn, granddad, you don't recognize your own grandbaby?"

"Grandbaby?" Thoughts raced in the back of his head. "Okay, yes, I did say I was going to babysit for a while for my daughter Nay-Nay. Boy, where is your momma?"

"She's gone."

He looked at me as if he wanted to scold me for being cheeky, not realizing every word I spoke about my mom was the truth. We sat and watched the basketball game, sharing few words. It was Aiden who broke the silence to start a conversation.

"Granddad, I have a few questions I want to ask you."

"That can wait till after the game. Just chill with the questions for now, alright?" Suddenly, the phone rang, and granddad's demeanor shifted.

"Hello? What's up?"

"Dad, I'm on my way to drop Kevin off so you two can finally spend some time together."

Instant confusion filled his mind. If she hadn't dropped his grandson off yet, then who the fuck had he been sitting with all this time?

"Nay-Nay, quit playing!"

"Daddy, I'm not playing. I'm on my way. Just have to run a few errands first, then we'll be right over."

"It's cool, baby. Go ahead and take your time. I'm about to clean up a bit."

"Okay, daddy. Love you."

"Love you too, baby!"

It was as if the boy could sense the tension in the room, so he rose and started heading for the door.

"And where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I have to get home before my dad notices I'm gone."

"Your dad? Who's your dad? Listen, boy, if you touch that door, I'll smack the back of your head and bury you in the backyard. So, don't make another move."

The cocking of the gun stopped Aiden in his tracks. His heart raced, uncertain of his next move. "Who is your dad, boy? I won't ask you again!"

"Lamar! Lamar Wright!"

"Oh yeah! Get the fuck out of here! What do I owe for this visit, and why would he send you to die at this early age? I thought he would have told your ass I tried to kill his lil bitch ass, when he was little."

"Why?"

"Let's just say I don't fuck with this side of the family!"

"You said you tried to kill him, what did you do to him?"

"The same thing I'm about to do to you, but I'm gone finish the job this time!"

Pop! Pop, pop! Pop, pop, pop!

I heard the shots and my legs lost all strength they had in them, damn this was it, I passed out, damn is this how I'm going to die.

As soon as the body dropped I stood over him, begging for him to move, so I could deliver a shit load more into his body, no regrets just a big relief off my shoulders, I stepped over his body to get to my son, he had passed out after he heard the shots, I picked him up and took him home.

Aiden:

As I began to regain consciousness, I recalled everything up until the moment I fainted. In a frantic search, I felt all over my body to see if I had been shot. I heard the shots and was certain I had been hit. "Where am I?" I wondered. I quickly realized I wasn't in a hospital, and the fear that I might have crossed over to the other side consumed me. As I desperately sought answers, the first face that appeared before me was my dad's.

"What's going on? How did I get here?" I asked my dad, attempting to rise.

"Chill, relax. Don't worry about it, son. Everything's alright."

"Was I dreaming? This has to be a nightmare!"

"No, son, it wasn't a dream. Answer this for me," he said, his face etched with deep concern. "What the fuck have you been up to? I've heard rumors about you playing detective around town, delving into my past. What do you want to know?"

"Everything," I replied, searching his eyes for the truth that had always been elusive between us.

"Son, no one on this earth knows everything about me. Only God knows me completely, and I intend to keep it that way. If you really want to know everything, He's the only one who can tell you. But if there's something you want to know and it's within my power to share, I will. Just remember, I love you."

Until then, our relationship had been strained, with minimal emotional connection. But when he told me he loved me, for the first time in a long time, I believed him. That day brought us closer, cementing our bond. Yet, there were times when he would become distant. Sometimes he would be smiling writing in a mysterious notebook he never let me see. What did he write about? Secrets? Hidden assets? Whenever I get the opportunity, I'm determined to read it. Sometimes, when he drinks too much, he becomes careless, forgetting things he's said or done. He taught me everything about his business, about the streets, how to maneuver in tough situations. Yet, seeing him succumb to his own weaknesses was difficult. He would often repeat, "Strength is what rules the jungle." But if he continues this way, he won't stay in power for long.

Lamar:

Time has flown by since Sarah's departure, and her absence still weighs heavily on me. I've been spending time with my son, striving to provide him and my other two children with love, coupled with life lessons from the streets. I'm always aware that my time is limited, so I can be tough on them, hoping they truly grasp the teachings. It's never been the right time to reveal to Aiden about his siblings, yet another secret I've held onto. My moods fluctuate, one moment grieving Sarah, the next finding solace in journaling, strengthening my resolve during recovery. Bridging the gap with my son has its ups and downs. As he grows older, I try to give him space. But the longer I hide the truth about his mother, the more guilt consumes me. I genuinely regret my actions; it was an unintended mistake.

Aiden:

The time has finally come when I could read that damn book my dad had been hiding away. It's the moment of truth I've been looking for. I'll start from the beginning and won't stop until I've reached the end. What caught my eye was the title on the cover of the journal: "My Dirty Little Secrets." Once I began reading, I realized it was a true window into my dad's innermost thoughts. Every shit he experienced in life was recorded in this book, even the things that were deeply personal for him. What was personal for him became personal for me. I knew I could prove to him that I could keep his secrets; I could even be the one to support him through thick and thin.

I'd even go as far as to kill them mafuckas who hurt my dad if it meant seeing him smile again. I ain't gone lie, my dad fucked my head up with the story about my granddad, how he shot him; the way he shot him got me scared to let anybody sit behind me, and I ain't never giving nobody my gun either, fuck that!

As I sit and think about everything I could have easily lost my life not knowing how my granddad felt about us, if I would of knew that shit I would of never went to his house to talk, I would of went there to put a bullet in his brain.Damn this all sounds crazy to me, how could he treat family this way, that mafucka almost had me, I can't slip like that ever again.

As soon as I opened the book, it started talking about murders he committed when he was just a child. I couldn't believe it, it talked about his darkest and deepest secrets that nobody should have known, why would he write this down for anybody to see, I cried on a couple, especially Cassie, she didn't have to die.

My dad is truly a monster, and what scared me is it couldn't be seen through the innocent face I knew. A part of me wanted to stop but I just couldn't, I had to read more, I wondered did it say anything about my mom, I know they had their ups and down but I also knew that he loved her with all his heart.

Then I came across some lady by the name of Miona, my dad talked so sweet about her, like they were in love, like they had been fucking around for a while, I wondered was this what May-so was trying to tell me? Then pieces about my mom began to fall into the story, my whole body begin to overheat, I became so filled with rage, I couldn't stop shaking, I never knew all the pain my dad took my mom through, he introduced her to drugs, and here I was thinking she just choose drugs over me. The more I read, the more I began to get sick to my stomach, I just couldn't believe what I was reading and then, the next part of the story broke my heart, it was right here in my dad's hand writing, my momma didn't just die from doing drugs, my dad killed her, he took my momma away from me!

The tears began to fall down my face uncontrollably, my dad wrote this shit! Murder after murder in detail, and look what I found, damn I can't even question his path because I knew it already, I just knew it was something that he was holding back from me. Thought after thought took over my brain, I didn't want to stand I didn't want to sit, I needed some answers and I needed them now! Damn!

Why didn't he tell me? I need to leave this place. The pain inflicted on me by my father made me want to lash out, to harm something or someone. I returned the book to its shelf; I couldn't read any further. I was certain that I couldn't be here when my father returned; given my current state of mind, I couldn't predict my own actions.

Before leaving, I searched for any information I could find on Miona: her address, workplace, anything. She seemed to be the primary cause of my family's discord. Not wanting to waste a moment, I drove to her residence. For about an hour, I observed the surroundings. When she finally appeared, I watched her from a distance as she undressed, showered, and dressed again. She was undeniably attractive, with a petite waist, strong thighs, and a full figure. Her long hair and delicate facial features were striking. I could see what my dad found appealing, but fuck that!

She has some questions to answer, I want to know if she knew he had a family and if she was the reason everything had fallen apart. I stepped outside the car and headed to the back door of the house, I checked the door knob and to my surprise, the back door was open, I slipped inside, I let my eyes Rome around the room, I had to check my surroundings, gun next to my hip, if anybody jumped out of place, I was killing them with no hesitation!

Miona:

Today has been a long day for me. I just want to take a shower and go to bed. When the water from the shower touched my body, I felt a deep comfort wash over me. I've been thinking about Lamar quite a bit lately; sometimes it gets really intense, and I find myself looking for him everywhere. That's my baby; I sense his presence in so many places. He truly has my heart, even though I know his heart belongs to someone else. It's been a while since I felt his presence, and I won't deny that there are times I long for him, especially when things are tough. And right now, things are really tough.

I'm horny as hell and I don't want anybody else but him; as crazy as it seems he's my family, we have a family, people tell me to move on but I can't, I even leave the back door open for him, just in case he might want to come home one day.

Sometimes he makes me feel like a sucka, but I love him and you just can't help who you love. I hate when I lose myself, shaking my head I cut the shower off, and watch the water go down the drain wishing I could go with it, then I dried off, I know I have to get out of my head; its only that way every time I think about Lamar, that I get off focus.

As I put my lotion on I imagine sucking his dick and getting ready to get my walls tore down, which is the key right now. I picked up the phone, I wondered would he answer. We haven't been in a good place lately everything has just been about the kids. Even though I want Lamar, there's a chance he might not come!

Damn I have to try; I really need this shit fixed right now, it's been a while, I wish I could call somebody (fuck)! Then I heard a sound, it sounded like somebody is coming up the stars right now, damn I thought about Lamar that hard that he could feel my connection, I rushed out the bathroom door to meet him. I couldn't wait to wrap my arms around him and tell him how I been feeling all this time, I really want us to get back together.

Hoping that this could turn out to be a good night after all, as I came down the stairs, I ran into an unknown figure, fuck my reaction was to put everything I had in reverse.

Uh uh bitch don't do that!

What! Who the fuck is you? And what the fuck do you want? Miona said as fear filled her eyes trying her best to get away.

I want a life for a life! I lose my momma in this game, you and my daddy played, so yea, how about a life for a life!

She adjusted her eyes to his face, Aiden is that you?

Don't act like you know me bitch! Aiden said, as the closer he got, the angrier he got. Aiden where is your dad? And what the fuck do you want?

His intentions went from talking to murder in beyond seconds, a rage came over him he couldn't control, he rushed her, meeting her in the middle of the stairs. Once he reached her he punched her in the face with an over hand right, dropping her where she stood.

Then I heard a sound; it sounded like somebody was coming up the stairs. "Damn," I thought, I've been thinking about Lamar so intensely that he might have felt my connection. I rushed out of the bathroom to meet him. I couldn't wait to wrap my arms around him and tell him how I've been feeling all this time. I really want us to get back together. Hoping that this might turn out to be a good night after all, I descended the stairs, only to run into an unknown figure. My immediate reaction was to retreat.

"Uh-uh, bitch don't do that!" I exclaimed.

What the fuck! I tried my best to get back up the stairs, but my legs wouldn't move as fast as my brain, if only I could get to my room, then I could get to my gun! Oh my God! What's going on? Where are my kids? Will he hurt my kids? Fuck! I got to get to my gun! He rushed me and punched me in my face, over and over again, each punch that was delivered was harder than the last, and he didn't stop until I passed out. When I woke up, he was fucking me, laying all his weight on top of me, pounding me, there was a blank look in his eyes, his heart was cold, oh my, this motherfucker is going to kill me! Blood filled my eyes, so it was hard for me to see, but I couldn't just lay here and let him do this, so I fought with all I had in me.

Aiden:

The more she fought, the more turned on I got. I could tell her pussy loved me with every stroke, I choked her and beat her, she kept squirting all over my dick, damn she made it easy to fall in love, I would choke her just up to the point she was about to pass out, then I would let her go, watching which choice she would make next, the choice to fight me or to breathe, one time I even went too far, so I had to give her mouth to mouth to bring her back, and when I wasn't giving her mouth to mouth I would violently fuck her throat, which made me laugh because she threw up all over me. I moaned a little, everything was wet, oh fuck yeah, I love it! I could see I was knocking the fight right out of her, because every time she tried, I would press the 40 cal to her temple, just to remind her who was in control, I bet you she thought about just how precious life truly was. I could feel myself about to cum, I grabbed hold of her hair, and beat her throat, with my dick, like it was a pussy, while I looked deeply into her eyes, I could see it in her eyes, defeat, she would never be the same after this, so right after I came…

Pop! pop! pop! pop! pop!

Our business was finish, I got to work, after I cut off her head, I went outside and broke down a car battery so I could throw the battery acid on her pussy to try to kill the evidence, before I took those steps I tasted her sweet pussy for the last time, dead or not I didn't give a fuck! I got everything I wanted, a life for a life! The rest will be left to the highest. 1felt a strong relief when I left out the door. I took her head with me, so I could bury it with my thoughts.

Lamar:

I haven't seen or heard from Aiden in days. That's not like him; we usually talk every day. I called Miona's phone back after she called me, but she didn't answer either. I must have called her what felt like a hundred times, and she still didn't answer or send me a text. She's never been so mad at me that she wouldn't answer the phone. There's been a lot of strange events recently. Then, out of the blue, I received a call from an unknown number. At first, I hesitated to answer, but something compelled me to pick it up. I had an unsettling feeling in my stomach, and when I answered, I heard my children, Myona and Jye1, on the line, screaming and crying. They'd found their mother murdered. The news devastated me. The manner in which they discovered her made me nauseous. Was this my karma coming back for all the wrong I'd done in the past? Now, I have to tell Aiden about his brother and sister. I hate to burden him with this, but he needs to know. I searched the entire town for him, constantly calling his phone, growing increasingly worried when he didn't answer.

All I could think was, I hope he hasn't done something reckless that got his ass fucked up. I know the streets can be dangerous, and while I can't always protect him, I'll always try. Even though I was in pain, my kids needed me. I couldn't give up on them now. Eventually, I stopped driving aimlessly and headed home, hoping Aiden might show up. As I pulled up, I saw Aiden emerging from the house with a bag, moving hurriedly. I got out of the car to speak with him, but he was distant. I could tell something weighed heavily on him; he avoided even looking at me. Still, I pressed for conversation.

"Aiden! Son, come here. I need to talk to you. This is crucial."

"Not now, Dad. It's been a long day, and I just want to be left alone," Aiden replied, his voice strained with mounting frustration.

Even though Lamar heard the clear message in his son's words, he persisted. There was so much he needed to say and so little time. Aiden would be meeting his siblings soon, and tensions in the family were escalating. Over the years, so much had transpired, and it was time for a fresh start.

"No, I can't wait, Aiden. This is urgent," Lamar pressed.

Aiden:

When I looked at my father, I could tell something was amiss. His demeanor, his speech, his movements — everything was off. And he was so insistent on talking to me, but why? All I knew was that I was filled with fucking rage. How could he do what he did to my mom? I couldn't bear speaking to him, so I brushed past him, opened the car door, and slid into the driver's seat. Almost immediately, my dad opened the back door and sat directly behind me. It was odd, especially with the front seat empty. My mind raced, bombarded with questions. The first one being, I wonder if he knows what I did?

Lamar:

"Son I got to holla at you shit! If you leaving then I got to ride with you," I said as I slipped into the back seat, a real sharp pain shot up my back, I still could feel the pain from when my dad shot me, that's one of the things I carry every day, I leaned over to try to relieve the pain, I sat up a little so I could catch an eye sight with him to let him know, we really need to talk and this is serious!

Aiden:

Damn what the fuck is he doing sitting behind me? I begin to get real uncomfortable, every time I check the rearview, we lock eyes, I could tell shit was getting weird between us, he had something on his mind.

"Dad what's up man, why don't you come sit in the front seat?"

"Son, I'm cool! I just got to lay down."

My mind is racing, I know this mafucka ain't about to try and kill me over no bitch or did he find out that I saw his little secrets he was hiding! Then out of nowhere he popped the question.

"Aiden! Do you have your gun on you?"

It was the same question, his dad asked him before he shot him! Damn, this is it, he could try to take my life at any moment. I shot the question back at him to see if he would connect the dots, I wanted him to know I knew so it wouldn't be a surprise!

Lamar:

I had asked to see his gun because I had beef on the side of town we were headed to. It might've been May-so's spot, and even though I knew that wasn't where he was going, I had to be sure. Aiden got a weird look in his eye, like something was bothering him. We need to talk before things get out of hand.

"Dad, why do you need my gun? You know you're good with me, right?" he said, searching my eyes for an answer.

I didn't have an answer for him. How could I tell him I didn't trust him?

Aiden:

I shot that question out loud and clear and my father still didn't catch the mood, instead he insisted I give it to him, so I pulled over.

Lamar:

After Aiden pulled over I sat up a little more so I would be able to reach for the gun, I also knew things could get emotional between us, I'm putting everything on the table, Miona and the kids, the death of his mom, all I can do is hope that he can forgive me, I love him and I really didn't mean it, as I leaned in, all of a sudden…

Pop! Pop!

And just like that my chest was on fire!

"You want my gun? You fuckin want the gun, dad! You thought you was gonna do me like your dad did you huh! Answer me! Huh?"

Aiden:

"For.. for.. forgive me," Lamar said as he fought like hell to breathe, he could feel his body taking in to the stress. "Damn I got some much to say," he fought to get out the words as Aiden opened the door and walked towards him. "Your bro… brother and sis… sister, for… forgive me!

After I turned and unloaded my gun into my dad chest I hurried up and jumped out of the car before he got a shot off; after I didn't see any fast movement I opened the door, to finish the job, as he fought for words, it tore me apart to look into his eyes, but I had too.

"Dad I love you; you take care, this is my show now!"

Pow!

The shot hit him square between the eyes, I took out my phone snapped a picture and then made a call.

Ring, ring, ring.

"Hello!"

"May-so," Aiden said as he answered the phone.

"Yeah what's up?"

"It's done!"

"I need da heart, I lost mine, you hear me, get that for me and bring it to me and we good!"

"Yes, sir."

Then we hung up.

May-so:

May-so laid back in the chair and a slight grin came across his face as the picture of Lamar Wright came across the screen of his phone, chest wide open and a hole in his head, Aiden is going to bring him to me, a heart for a heart, when he killed Cassie he killed me; I feel like a dead man walking, a body with no soul, since she has been gone.

Now I want to cut out his heart and jar it, I'm even going to leave it in the living room for everyone to see, fuck'em! I would have killed his son, but in truth, he was a victim too, I knew his dad had not told him the truth about his mom, if he would have, I would not have been able to break their bond!

When I told him about his mom, I knew he wouldn't believe me, so I gave him the direction to the journal, not what was in it but I knew I could spark his interest, and from it, the truth would come out, I set everything up; even Aiden going to his granddad's house, I knew if I called, he would come running to save his precious boy, I played him against his fears and turned what he loved the most against him.

Because that was his only true weakness, the love of his kids, a mistake any real father would make in this world.

Aiden:

As soon as I got off the phone I jumped in the car to head towards May-so, I needed to hurry up and get his body over there, he wanted the heart or something! And then we are going to place him off in this car somewhere and burn it, can't risk nothing.

See I took the money three other mafucka's had on his head, plus May-so, then I could hit his safe, all six of them, so I'm going to be straight on the bread.

Dad would be proud of me right now for stepping into my true manhood. I can imagine him now; he would smile and say, "Son, you're growing up on me!" I can't deny it, I'm going to miss my dad. When I killed him, I lost a lot and thought it would be a life for a life. But when it came to my mom, I had to have two. If only he had told me what happened, he would still be here today. I paid for the funeral and stayed at a distance. May-so attended the service. There, I handed him my dad's journal, which explained in detail what happened to his grandbaby, Cassie. I knew he was dying to know. It's only right; he brought me to the truth, so I brought him his. Though some truths don't set you free, word is that right after the funeral, May-so couldn't live with the pain, so he ended up taking his own life. I saw my great-grandma Vickie with two little kids and wondered who they were. One of the safes had a will that my dad left, and it had three names on it: Aiden, Jye1, and Myona. The name "Myona" is spelled close to "Miona!" I know he wasn't about to leave that bitch any money. He laughed it off as he walked out the door to the funeral home, never looking back. There was only room to move forward.