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Rachel Zirkin Duda
Author
Mending Together, Building Together

Adult; Memoir; (Market)

When you have been abused and bullied much of your life, can you raise an emotionally healthy child? What if that child becomes abusive himself? From an early age, my son, Seth, hit me on a regular basis. Because of my history, our interactions triggered me – to the point I began doubting I had the emotional strength to raise Seth successfully – but I knew I needed to push through those fears and stop the cycle of abuse that had been plaguing our family for generations. I learned much later that Seth never wanted to hurt anyone. He is autistic. He felt at odds with the world around him and was expressing his discomfort the only way he knew how - through physical aggression. Regardless of the cause, I knew I needed to help him find more effective ways to communicate and release his frustrations. With patience, persistence – and a lot of trial and error – I found ways to get through to Seth that dissolved his anger, fostered open communication and trust between us, and helped him become the “Buddha-like” young man he is today. In turn, Seth motivates me to continue processing my own past, which is helping me grow into the person I was always meant to be. In other words, Seth and I have been mending our past and building the future - together.
Reviews
In this emotionally charged memoir, a mother and son share their story of childhood trauma, unrecognized autism, and effective parent-to-child communication. As Duda reflects on her childhood—where she was subjected to physical and sexual abuse—she clarifies her goal to be a "safe space" for her son, Seth (a pseudonym she uses to protect his identity), to shelter him from experiencing the trauma she was exposed to when young. Duda details their experiences from Seth’s early childhood into his young adult years, including her “emotional flashbacks” and repressed memories, as well as the multiple behavioral issues that arose due to Seth’s unrecognized autism, sharing with readers the healthy parenting tips she has mastered along the way.

With humorous asides, poignant insights, and quotes from Seth himself, readers experience firsthand Duda’s parenting strategies, from both parent and child perspectives. Her delivery is frank and honest as she explores the ups and downs of parenting a child with autism while managing her own complex post traumatic stress disorder, and Duda’s candid advice—often shaped around her experiences as a child—hits home. Some sections of the memoir, including Duda’s exploration of epigenetics and neuroplasticity, are science heavy, while others brim with raw emotion: in one particularly emotive story, Duda recounts her shame at “being blamed for [her] own victimization,” sharing how those challenging emotions drove her to stand up for Seth “whenever it was necessary.”

Parents who have struggled with their own trauma will find a wealth of usable advice in Duda’s writing, most of which centers on the importance of “mutual respect” between parent and child—and the need for open communication, even from a very young age. Seth punctuates the weighty subject matter with his own entertaining “Seth-isms” throughout, and readers will find the mother-son bond driving this memoir refreshing and uplifting.

Takeaway: Uplifting and candid memoir on parenting while coping with past trauma.

Comparable Titles: Kristina Kuzmič's I Can Fix This, Jenny Lexhed's Love Is Not Enough.

Production grades
Cover: B+
Design and typography: A
Illustrations: N/A
Editing: A-
Marketing copy: A

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