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Mark Bodnarczuk
Author
Finding New Life After the Death of My Son

Adult; Memoir; (Market)

This is every parent’s worst nightmare. You go to wake up your 18-year-old son on Sunday morning for church and you find him dead in his bed. Only later do you learn that he bought a single Xanax pill on Snapchat for fifteen dollars to calm his anxiety about the COVID pandemic. He took the pill then ordered food from Door Dash, but he never lived to eat it. It was a counterfeit pill that contained over three times the lethal dose of fentanyl – that one pill killed him. Mark Bodnarczuk’s heart wrenching memoir begins just hours into his process of mourning the tragic death of his teenage son. With indelible sincerity and penetrating detail, Bodnarczuk shares the intimate details of his grief, inviting readers into his moments of anguish, confusion, forgiveness, hope, and transformation. If you allow Mark to be the docent, he’ll lead you on a journey down into the depths of grief and pain that plagued his soul, and then back up through his process of finding new life and a deeper sense of meaning after the death of his son.
Reviews
This searching, exhaustive memoir from Bodnarczuk (founder and executive director of the Breckenridge Institute and author of Diving In) centers on a tragic loss: the 2021 death of 18-year-old son Thomas after taking a counterfeit Xanax purchased over Snapchat and containing fentanyl. Bodnarczuk’s account digs deep into how he and his wife, coauthor Elin I. Larson, faced “the black hole of the early days of the grieving process” and then the next two years, which found the couple “transitioning from our old reality and identity as a family of three to our new reality and identity as a family of two.” Facing every parent’s nightmare, Bodnarczuk, a Christian seeker deeply invested in Jungian psychology and dream study, documents the wrenching challenge of living in the aftermath, from practical concerns like arraignments and autopsies—the couple strives to forgive the young man who sold Thomas the pill—and moving from California to Colorado. Just as pressing: deep spiritual considerations like how to hold to the presence of Thomas in their lives, despite his physical absence.

Bodnarczuk writes with touching precision of Thomas, an Eagle Scout and “edgy iconoclast who stood apart from many societal expectations and exhibited an unconventional type of wisdom.” Thomas shared his parents’ questing spirit, asking hard questions of the world—his “doubts,” Bodnarczuk notes, “[lived] side by side with his faith in God.” Bodnarczuk plunges into hard questions himself, exploring with tender frankness why Thomas would have purchased Xanax illegally—and digging into Thomas’s adolescent nightmares, from years before, of being hunted by a cloaked figure.

Recalling those disturbing visions leads Bodnarczuk deep into spiritual, Jungian, and Christian analysis. As Bodnarczuk stares down the hardest questions of all—why?—the pages pulse with a real spiritual struggle, described with rare frankness and clarity, worked through by a thinker who never professes to have all of the answers but whose hard-won insights, in the end, will offer comfort to other believers facing losses that might seem unendurable.

Takeaway: Searching, spiritual memoir of parents’ loss of a child, steeped in Jung and dreams.

Comparable Titles: Timothy Keller’s Forgive, Verena Kast’s Time to Mourn.

Production grades
Cover: A-
Design and typography: A-
Illustrations: A
Editing: A
Marketing copy: A

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